If you're feeling guilty about using food for fuel while hungry
people around the world riot due to the shortage of corn, rice and
wheat, don't worry.

You can become grain neutral, simply by buying some of my corn, rice
and wheat credits. If you act now you could save a bundle, because my
"Get Neutral!" grain credits cost half the price of what carbon credits
cost...while they last.

For every hundred credits, we'll plant an almond tree for you on my farm.
(It's sort of like a Nature Conservancy program, so as an added bonus,
you'll be keeping farm land as farm land instead of being converted into a
parking lot for a strip mall.)

Everyone knows almonds are more prized than corn. Which means you'll
be doing good. It's the next best thing to actually feeding someone or
allowing them to buy the food you smoked through your tail pipe.

No you won't stop the riots all on your own, but at least you'll have
done something...and that's what counts isn't it! Who knows, maybe the
survivors of the riots will actually benefit from your almond tree
purchase in as little as four to five years!

That's enough to make you drive down the road feeling good!

You'll also get a membership sticker for your SUV or hybrid along with your membership card, letting people know you CARE about the ethanol problem!

You get all this for a mere $19.95 + s&h and $9.95 a month to keep yourself "Grain Neutral" based on 100 credits. For additional credits please feel free to double your order!

The best to you.

Kelley Eidem
PS. For only $2,995 you will also receive the Almond Emerald Elite (Who doesn't want to be an elitist!)...it's an inscribed and sized gold ring with an emerald stone that will let everyone know you you don't just care - you're also doing something. This is a limited offer to the first 500 contributors.

PPS. For an additional $99.95 + s&h, you'll also receive a beautiful plaque to adorn your home or office (additional plaques $79.95) to impress your friends and associates. (CA residents please add 8% sales tax. I don't live or work in CA. I'm just covering my bases.)

Hahaha...

Kelley, best laugh I've had in days!

Pretty nice copy, too.

My only suggestion is that you turn this into a forced continuity up-sell where the buyer can feel good about saving the planet on a monthly basis.