Did you ever think to yourself, Gee, all this success is just a pain in the ass, I really wish I could just fail, miserably?

Have you heard of the term, the positive power of negative preparation? Copywriter and Marketing "Guru" Dan Kennedy uses it when writing his sales copy. I believe this single principle, when applied to your business, will rapidly and dramatically change your business forever.

Here's how it goes, by thinking of everything that could go wrong, by thinking of all the ways to fail, you can prepare against them and cause yourself to be left with nothing but success.

Heres how it works. Lets say you are writing sales copy, by thinking of every possible reason why your customer WOULDNT want to buy your product - and then finding counters to all of those arguments, by the end of it you will have a very strong piece of sales copy.

Now, how do we apply this principle to business? By thinking of all of the ways that ensure you will fail, by coming up with all the different ways to make certain you dont earn a dime - you will be left with nothing but successful strategies.

So, lets begin shall we? Here's how to ensure you will fail horribly at Internet Marketing and in general how to be a horrible person...

*Note this list starts off with blatantly obvious stuff and moves onto more useful things, if you wanna add to the list go 101. blah blah etc.*

1. Use a free webhost with tons of banner ads

2. Use a free domain name, because customers REALLY love free domain names that anybody can sign up for - especially when it comes to giving away their sensitive personal information.

3. Find the worst product humanly possible, something that only the most loathsome, scum sucking thing on the face of this earth would ever dare to charge money for.

4. Charge them as little as possible for the ebook - to make sure you can't break even off of advertising

5. Do everything in your power to make sure they cant find out how to order

6. Ensure order forms are lengthy and complicated

7. Use fonts nobody can read

8. Include lots of pictures so it will take at least a minute for the page to load

9. Dont use long sales copy, instead write some brief description

10. Bid for the highest spot on adwords, making sure you outbid your competitors by a lot, regardless of if your conversion rates are low

11. Never test your sales copy

12. Dont use Google's Free Website tools

13. Make sure you dont know who your customers are

14. Dont accept credit cards, western union and cash only

15. Dont get a niche, go for the widest market possible, in fact - you should try to get every person on the internet to buy your product... even if they wont have any use for it.

16. Have lots of cheesy, scammy looking pages, make sure your customers dont trust you

17. Make sure you use a tiny font size

18. Pick a color thats almost the same as the background, so nobody can read it.

19. Have lots of popups, at least 5 of them

20. Dont build a list, avoid list building like the plague

21. Send out unsolicited emails to people, make sure they wont make it past the spam filters

22. Go into the most competitive market you can find, then blow all your money trying to compete with multimillion dollar companies in adwords

23. Dont do SEO, demand that the search engines do not index your site!

24. Stay away from forums related to your product, instead go on totally unrelated forums and spam the hell out of it

25. If you have a list (which you shouldnt) then never send emails to them, make sure they completely forget you ever existed

26. Dont put content on your website, spam only!

27. Treat your customer like a $2 whore, abuse your customers trust and make sure they have a passionate hatred for you

28. Dont offer any sort of guarentee whatsoever

29. Absolutely do not offer any kind of customer service whatsoever

30. Dont put the hacker safe logo on your website - put a Hacker Unsafe logo instead

31. Dont join the BBB

32. Make other internet marketers your enemies, believe everything they say is a lie.

33. Avoid internet marketing forums

34. Dont take other peoples advice, especially not from successful entrepreneurs

35. Dont listen to anything Michel Fortin says

36. Try to screw people on ebay, make sure you leave a lengthy papertrail behind.

37. Stay away from article marketing

38. Dont exchange links with anyone, if they ask you to link exchange, send them angry emails for the next year

39. Avoid The Gary Halbert Letter at all costs!

40. Do the least amount of work humanly possible

41. Dont offer any contact information, make sure they cant reach you by email, phone or snail mail

42. Make it as hard as possible to order, make sure your pricing is confusing and the tiniest error in your order form results in the whole thing cancelling

43. Be as lazy as possible, follow the belief that you can sit on your fat ass and do nothing but somehow the money will magically come to you

44. Dont hire other people to do things outside your area of expertise, instead - do a worse job because your too cheap to pay someone to do it

45. Dont take any action, ever.

46. Spend all day thinking about stuff, make sure you dont actually do anything, just talk about it all day.

47. Stay away from books by successful entrepreneurs

48. If you must read books about business, make sure its by people who have never actually run a business before in their life

49. Dont do an affiliate program for your product

50. If you ever do an affiliate program, make sure you have no information for affiliates, if they send you an email - never reply, ever! Make sure you have no resources for affiliates to promote your site.

51. Send your horrible product to real review sites so they can tell everyone how bad it is

52. Dont resolve customer complaints, let them deal with the problem themselves

53. Do not do any kind of blogging

54. Go to the most shifty traffic driving companies you can find and send extremely low quality traffic to your website. You can find them advertised as get "10,000 visitors in 24 hours" on Google.

55. Avoid Youtube, never post any videos and especially not one with your website at the end of it

56. Hide behind your computer, never run a real company and never include a physical address

57. If you use adwords, never do optimization. Make sure you have the lowest, most irrelevant ad that google will let you get away with.

58. Always strive for lower CTR's

59. When your CTR hits rock bottom, do CPM ads

60. When in doubt, always go for more deceptive business tactics

61. Always look for the easy way out

62. Absolutely, positively do not read Think And Grow Rich

63. If you have already read Think And Grow Rich, don't follow any of the advice

64. Never believe anything John Reese says, whatever he tell's you to do - do the opposite

65. Never sell a physical product

66. Dont use a forum sig, make sure there is no chance of anyone getting links to your site

67. Make your product description short and monotonous. Ensure it has lots of corporate lingo that no one without a masters degree can understand.

68. When in doubt, pay a graphic designer 2 grand to make you a pretty little website, make sure the navigation is damn near impossible to use.

69. Never offer a phone number

70. If someone sends you an email, respond with porn.

71. Screw your affiliates, steal their sales - if they do make sales somehow, never pay them.

72. Never spell check, write in pig latin.

73. Dont advertise offline

74. If you find a good product, throw it away.

75. Never use an upsell, downsell or a follow up

76. Pay the minimum amount in affiliate commissions possible

77. Check eye pattern tests and do the opposite of what they suggest

78. Never split test

79. Avoid direct marketing at all costs

80. Always keep your profit margin under 25%

81. Dont ever sell good, high priced products

82. Never run a free newsletter

83. If you ever are forced into providing customer service, make sure they can't speak English.

84. *Important* Adopt the corporate policy, "We're not happy until you're not happy"

85. Put emphasis on employee dissatisfaction

86. If you have a bad employee, never fire them - instead give them a raise and put them in charge of other people.

87. Don't use elance to outsource work, instead try to do everything yourself

88. Don't lay out a business and marketing plan ahead of time, follow the pack and like 99% of small business owners... have no plan whatsoever.

89. Expect failure, prepare for it.

90. If you fail, do the same thing over again.

91. Better yet, if you fail - just give up.

92. Refuse to take advice from successful entrepreneurs

93. Dont follow the advice "If you keep doing what you've always done, you will keep getting what you've always gotten"

94. Stay inside your comfort zone at all times

95. Always do the least amount of work possible, never go the extra mile - adopt laziness as your number 1 priority

96. Pick the wrong market, find demographics who wont benefit from your product. Eg. Selling a product to college girls aged 20-25 in north america with incomes under $2000 a month a $4000 seminar for dating for seniors in the UK.

97. Include plenty of links and banners that lead off your page, find anyway possible to get visitors away from your site.

98. Never include testimonials on your sales page. Better yet, look through your inbox and find emails from dissatisfied customers and post those ones instead

99. Never build friendships with other business owners, avoid forums and make sure nobody wants to help you promote your product.

100. Do everything on this list