Hello,

I'm working on the landing page copy for a graphic designer. I really owe him, so I want this to be as convincing as possible. Your feedback is much appreciated.

I should mention that this site is going to be flash-based, and the client wants the copy to be relatively short in length.


Is Your Design The Glass Ceiling
Keeping Your Business From
Skyrocketing To The Top?

You’ve got 50 milliseconds to make an impression.

That’s how long it takes people to judge what they see: a fraction of a second. Roughly the time it takes to blink an eye.

Those 50 milliseconds determine the opinions people form of your business. They can spark interest and desire, or they can send your prospects sprinting toward the closest competition.

The wrong image could be losing you money without you even knowing it. Master marketer Clayton Makepeace once said, “I’ve seen poor design cut sales by half or even more.”

What image does your business have? Do it convey credibility, or send people packing before you’ve even had a chance to make your sales pitch?

Don’t let mediocre design stop you from claiming the market share your company deserves. Burgard Design Group ensures those 50 milliseconds communicate the right message, every time. The result: happy customers and healthy profits.

Put your image to work for you by contacting Burgard Design Group today.

Hi Kelly,

Is this for online, offline, or both?

It's for online.

Some version of "you never get a second chance to make a first impression" is used by every graphic artist.

They just don't follow up on the theme by explaining where they came up with the figure. Consequently it's like any baseless claim ...unless you add the context, the "reason why."

Paradoxically, this is not a bad appeal ...because so few designers prove out design elements the way copy is proven. (That's testing)

...What one design change boosted response 354% without changing one word of text?

...Does your web site pass the "credibility test"? Ten design tips which can boost a web site's credibility -- any why most graphic artists won't know them.

Unfortunately, in the real world, the last person you'll get the answer from is a designer. They talk a good game, but don't deliver the goods. Show you're the exception -- with proof -- and you then position yourself against all the "first impression" happytalk.

Related:

WHY Does Design Matter? Pay close attention to the wording. Because most designers insist 'design matters' as if it were carved in stone. Trouble is most graphic artists can't tell you why design matters, simply that it does.

Hi Kelly,

Overall, I think the copy is good. But I tripped over the headline. I needed to read it a couple of times to understand it - now that doesn't say much for my brain power but the reader should be able to grab onto the headline idea quickly and it should make a strong impact.

Also, I never hear the term "50 milliseconds" so I didn't latch on to it. I think "fraction of a second" works better because it's more familiar. Maybe it's because 50 is a large number that it didn't have an impact? I don't know.

"Roughly the time it takes to blink an eye" is excellent. It gives the reader a real way to grasp the concept. Maybe it would work in the headline?

After asking the reader to contact the company at the end, be sure to include the contact information, including a link to the email address.

Nice work!

Janet

Hi Kelly,

Your headline is clever and makes me think. This is exactly what you DON'T want! I would scrap your current headline and come up with another. Here's my attempt:

Does Your Website Pass the Crediblity Test? If Not,You May be Losing Sales!

-- Rachel

Haha... that's usually my problem!

So the headline definitely needs an adjustment. (Thanks for the suggestion!) How is the rest of the copy, in terms of persuasion? Does it work?

Janet's right on about that "50 milliseconds." It slows down the copy. Nix it for one of Janet's suggestions.

Also, the phrase "put your image to work for you," is too vague and sounds a bit trite--everyone says something along those lines. (Don't worry, we all fall into those familiar traps from time to time!)

I might would close with "Discover how to create an image that will attract your prospects and boost your profits. Call for a free consultation." (Or something of the sort.)

At least that way you're making some kind of offer. It bothers me that there is no clear offer. "Contact us today" doesn't really communicate much benefit.

I'd recommend that they create a report or guide or white paper, or whatever, on how design can impact their business. Then offer it for free (in exchange for contact information) on their landing page. They'll maximize its effectiveness and will generate a steady flow of leads for them.

Thanks for the great suggestions. I'm having trouble nixing the 50 milliseconds, though. I know it's kind of a clunky phrase but I like the specificity.

I actually got that time from an article in Scientific American -- there was a study proving people judged web sites in just 50 milliseconds of seeing them.

I thought about working that into the copy but I didn't want people to think -- "Research! Boring!" and stop reading. It would add authority, though.

Explaining the source, and what happens after the users judge would add authority.

Explaining the factors of the Stanford study which the article is based on would add authority, if you mention the Stanford study.

Stanford Study Reveals....

The fifty milliseconds claim is simply unsupported by the context which would give it meaning, neutralizing its effectiveness.

Related:

How To Ignite Customer Desire With Benefit-Rich Copy Being in business for ten years means a lot to the business owner ...and almost nothing to everyone else. Translating what was learned within those ten years, then putting that in context for the reader -- that's a benefit.