Golfing Website - Any help would be great

davidlong82 · **Golfing Website - Any help would be great -** 06-24-2008, 01:39 PM

Hi,

I'm trying to sell golfing ebook and membership site access. Not having much luck so far. The website link is here - Total Golf Now - A PGA Pro Helps You Improve Your Golf - Any feedback, suggestions would be really appreciated.

Thanks

David

drkilstein · **Re: Golfing Website - Any help would be great -** 06-24-2008, 10:04 PM

Hi David,

Are you a golfer? Your copy reads like a non-golfer wrote it.

It's very short on details and proof.

You are in one of the biggest and richest niches - ever.

But your copy is pretty weak.

Did you mean to leave off order links?

This copy needs a lot of work.

Why not study John Carlton's Golf Letters at OHP Direct - Golf Instructional - Golf School - Golf Training - Golf Teachers - Golf Tips - Lower Scores -

Then come back and try again.

Hey, my first golf letter was so bad, Carlton tried to get me to cry.

I should try and find it and post it.

Peace.

Harlan

davidlong82 · **Re: Golfing Website - Any help would be great -** 06-25-2008, 01:09 PM

Thanks so much Harlan for replying,

I going to go study what you suggested and make another go at it tonight. Hopefully it will be an improvement. It's my first attempt at a sales letter and I realize it's pretty rubbish but until I found this forum I've been going round in circles trying to find where to improve it.

No I'm not a golfer I'm just trying to sell the book.

drkilstein · **Re: Golfing Website - Any help would be great -** 06-25-2008, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by davidlong82

No I'm not a golfer I'm just trying to sell the book.

Gee. How could I tell.

Seriously, get out there and take a few golf lessons.

Talk to golfers.

It will do wonders for your letter.

Peace.

Harlan

Ricky Breslin · **Re: Golfing Website - Any help would be great -** 06-25-2008, 09:00 PM

Harlan's right, this ain't looking good. Here's a few specifics...

1. Your headline ain't lookin' good. Some people would be happy to break freakin' 90!

2. In your second paragraph you assumed people actually spend hours at the putting green and driving range. BIG mistake. Most people only spend minutes at the range. And that's with a hot dog in their hand and 5 minutes before their tee time. They will not relate to this entire paragraph.

3. There's a lot of spelling errors. Golfers have a passion for accuracy, fix the mistakes.

4. Your letter ends weird, it's very abrupt feeling.

It's not terrible, but thing needs work bad. Get into Carlton's stuff, start writing like you talk, and loosen up a bit.

Oh yea, go to the driving range in the evenings and chat with some of the other guys out there for a bit.

davidlong82 · **Re: Golfing Website - Any help would be great -** 06-29-2008, 05:58 AM

Hey Harlan/Ricky Thanks so much for the input.

Anyway I've gone and studied the letters you mentioned, played my first round of golf ever (disaster and a bit of a laugh at the same time but what a bloody frustrating game), been to a driving range for the first time and rewritten my sales letter trying to mimic the style at ohd.com.

Obviously there going to be alot that's very similar to the example sales letters because I don't know what I'm doing but it would be great if someone could have a look at the newly rewritten letter. At the moment I'm not getting any conversions from it and only 10% of people are reading through the first page. The website is Total Golf Now - A PGA Pro Helps You Improve Your Golf and any help would be brilliant.

Thanks

David