Weight Loss Letter Needs Critique!

PEckworth · **Weight Loss Letter Needs Critique! -** 06-20-2008, 05:54 AM

Hi all,

I've just come to the end of my latest sales copy which I'm hoping is going to do me proud, however I am looking for your advice.

I am looking for your comments, advice and guidance for this copy: Lose Weight By Walking - Walking 4 Weight Loss! <- used TinyURL so I don't get any Google juice.

Please let me know your thoughts,

Rich

Johnson Tay · **Re: Weight Loss Letter Needs Critique! -** 06-20-2008, 08:34 AM

Your copy is lacking in the element of PROOF which is a biggie in the weight loss industry.

Eric Engel · **Re: Weight Loss Letter Needs Critique! -** 06-20-2008, 10:20 AM

Whoa...what's to buy? I mean you told them from the start how to lose weight. Why would they pay anything?

If I were you, I'd develop the product a little better.

It's free to walk. But you're selling assignments...which no one really wants.

Travis_Lee · **Re: Weight Loss Letter Needs Critique! -** 06-20-2008, 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnson Tay

Your copy is lacking in the element of PROOF which is a biggie in the weight loss industry.

I completely agree. You need testimonials, before and after pictures of your clients. Plus, I think "Only 997 Memberships left" is way too high. I'm thinking I can come back next month and get it. I'd do "47 Memberships Left." That will make me move.

Do you offer any bonuses? I admit I haven't read the entire letter yet, But I would certainly add some if they're not there.