This is my first time posting on this website . Before I go on any further, I must say that there are some very sharp & informative people on here. I'm surprised some of you don't have your own marketing agencies/copywriting buinesses.
Back to the point. I need your help ladies & gentlemen. Any of your tips, pointers & advice will be greatly appreciated on this sales letter that I recently finished writing. It's actually a direct mail sales letter that will be sent out for a men's work apparel retail business targeting the automotive towing industry. Don't hold back guys on your critiques. Please tell me what you think and where it could improve. Thank you. So here it is:

"Are You Losing Money To Your Competitors? Here's An Easy & Effective Way You Can Gain An Unfair Advantage, Make More Money, Attract More Customers, and Beat Your Competitors At Their Own Game...”


Dear Friend:


Is your business generating the profits you deserve? Do you wish you could make more money & attract more customers? If yes, then please continue.

Studies reveal that the #1 factor to building a booming, successful business is gaining consumer confidence & trust. And one of the most effective & affordable ways you can do so is by maximizing the full use of your professional appearance. If used properly, it can be one of your most powerful assets. It can help you:

· Grow your business
· Increase your profits
· Establish your business’ brand
· Maintain a competitive advantage
· Improve employee confidence & productivity
· Increase the perceived value of your services
· Attract more clients & increase consumer awareness

If any of the above benefits interest you, then allow me to introduce you to (name of business). We specialize in providing towing businesses like yours with premier, professional work apparel, uniforms & safety gear at excellent, low prices. You can also personalize your work clothes/uniforms by putting your name, business logo & information on it with our professional embroidery service. Your satisfaction is our #1 priority. That is why we offer you a 100% Satisfaction Money-Back Guarantee.

Your professional appearance is either making you money or costing you a fortune. You decide. Not taking action today could be one the biggest & most expensive mistakes you ever make.

Sincerely,


Jane
General Manager


P.S. Remember, success begins with how you dress. Give your towing business the winning edge it deserves with (name of business). Call me today at (000) 000-0000.

Hello... McFly is anybody in there.


Do you really think... they will think, they are losing money to their competitors because of their uniforms?

I think you need a new angle.

Thanks for your feedback Phil. The point I was trying to make was that consumers would automatically judge their towing business service based on their truck drivers/employees professional appearance. What angle do you think would be more effective?

Welcome to the forum Mystro.

I'm not sure the best angle to take here, but when I think more about it, I don't know anyone that's ever gone to great lengths to "choose" a towing company. Since most towing isn't usually planned in advance, how many people ever get to see a tow truck driver before they're hooking up their car?

I could see judging a towing company by their yellow pages ad or maybe by their website, but most folks I know aren't too choosy when they're stuck on the roadside and need to get help fast.

Now...if the towing co was looking to get a contract with a certain company or to work in a certain area I could see them wanting to present a professional appearance, but otherwise I couldn't see them giving it much attention.

If you want to see to towing company owners, here's where you might want to do some research and see what's important to them - and find out why companies that already have uniforms use them.

Steve

P.S. I give you credit for an otherwise good letter and for focusing on benefits to the reader, but I'm not so sure this is a good match for the market here.

Are you looking to sell to other industries too? I think something like this would work better in an industry where people take the time to consider a few options before selecting a service provider - like a pest control or hvac company maybe?

Hey Mystro. Since I don't know much about that market I have a couple questions;

1. What are the reasons a towing company's potential customers won't choose them?

2. What are the reasons a towing company won't choose you?

3. Do you offer financing?

Thanks.

vdmp & Ravedesigns thank you very much for your response guys. I really appreciate it.

vdmp: To answer your question,
1) I'm not too sure why a automotive towing company's customers would select them over another. I'm thinking maybe price & service.
2) The reason a towing company won't choose us is probably due to our prices. But the good news is that a good portion of them don't even know that we also cater to their industry. So in relation to this question, maybe informing them about our professional work apparel & uniforms via a sequence of 3-5 sales letters followed up by a phone call would get them to pay us a visit and place work apparel & unform orders for their driving staff as others have already done.
3) We don't offer financing.

Ravedesigns: Being that it's a professional work apparel, uniforms & safety gear business, towing companies are just one of the many industries that are targeted. We cater to the blue collar, hands-on worker. But the reason we're targeting towing companies at the moment is because we've seen a recent increase in orders of work apparel & uniforms by the actual business owners for their employees/drivers. The tell us that they want their guys looking "sharp & professional."

So we figured why not give it a shot to send a few sales letters to the rest of the local towing companies and see how many others felt about their drivers professional appearance. We could at least plant a seed in their minds and get them thinking about how a sloppy dress code may be affecting their revenue & reputation. Ravedesigns, you do raise some important points though in stating that when it comes down to it, the last thing on a stranded drivers mind is how the tow truck driver is professionally dressed. They just want to get home and their vehicles taken care of.

This retail apparel business also provides safety gear & apparel, such as high visibility vests & pants, that are also primarily purchased by towing companies. Do you guys think that maybe taking a "make sure your tow truck drivers stay safe on the road due to all the road hazards & accidents" approach would be better?

What are you selling?

Towing?

If that's the case it would probably be more like "speed of service" and "care for your care" and rates.

Towing is also a "demand business", meaning, you don't think about them until an emergency.

I don't think anyone is going to call them because they have nice uniforms.

I think professional appearance is nice and helpful, but not a hot button.


If you're selling Uniforms?

What's your USP for the uniforms and or the company selling them. It's going to take a little investigating.

As far as sending out your sales letters...have you thought about using endorsed mailings?

Since you are seeing an increase in business from towing companies, I would interview these new customers, as well as long standing tow company customers, to determine the benefits they feel they have received from your uniforms.

Then, re-write your letter to focus on the benefits perceived by the current customers.

ken

The postcard had two pictures on the front. One was a long haired guy with a beard, a bandanna, greasy hands and a missing tooth, and tatoos on his massive arms. Very intimidating.

The other picture was a clean, neat, UNIFORMED guy with a big smile.

The caption read, "What impression are your employees making?"

The back of the card was simple, let us "hook you up" with uniforms (and I think a weekly cleaning service).

This may be a case where a picture or two would be worth a thousand words...and you could use a similar campaign for all of your customers.

Just something else to consider.

gjabiz

Pre-P.S.: I meant to send this last night but I literally fell asleep on my laptop.

Thanks for your answers. I like that you're targeting each industry and doing it with a letter.

I'm going on some assumptions that would need to be verified.

a. Towing companies don't market to the public.
b. They want to be people's choice when they're stranded.
c. They would like road-side services (e.g. AAA), retail store and police business.
d. For larger towing companies they have employee drivers.
e. All their trucks have matching paint schemes.

Here's some ideas;

1. I like your overall approach. You sound professional.

2. There's no compelling reason or justification for what you're telling them and to believe your statements.

3. I think a story like the WSJ "two men" letter might be good. Something like describing a woman stranded and two tow-truck drivers arrive at the same time to help her out. One is scary, the other looks professional. Who would she choose?

e.g. It's 10pm on a dark and rainy night. A woman is sitting in her car waiting for road-side assistance to arrive. Mistakenly, two tow trucks arrive at the same time. The drivers step out of their trucks. One is wearing ripped jeans, t-shirt, dirty boots and hasn't shaved in a week. The other is wearing a clean professional uniform with your company's logo branded on his chest. His first impression says, trustworthy. The woman points to him and he gets the tow.

4. I think scaring them is a good option here.

e.g. Alternate headline: Are you scaring your customers away? Discover the hidden secrets of why stranded drivers would rather walk 10 miles at night in the rain than call your company to come get them...and how a quick and easy professional makeover can get your phone ringing off the hook.

5. Consider a bonus special report as an enticement that gives more tips on how to present a professional image to their customers.

6. Instead of attract more customers talk about get repeat business and keeping customers.

7. Try not to use "If" too much if at all. That raises doubt in the mind and could cause them to imagine a scenario you don't want them having. e.g. "If used properly..." to "When used properly..."

8. Don't ask for permission. e.g. "...then allow me to introduce..." to "...introducing..." you're the writer, you're in control, you have their attention. Just tell them.

9. "with premier," should probably be, "with the premier" although I like bad grammar strategically placed sometimes you may not have meant that.

10. Add to the guarantee, "Money-Back Guarantee on each and every order." Might as well seed in their mind they'll be making multiple orders as employees get hired. This reinforces your point that their business will grow. Look for places to say, "as your business grows."

11. Will you make just one uniform for them? If so add, "We can handle any sized order with fast turnaround time and delivery right to your offices. You can order as little as one uniform or suit-up your entire fleet. Each and every uniform carries our same 100% ... guarantee."

12. Talk about how police and even store clerks wear uniforms and they have the need for their towing services. So, they should dress as good or better as the clients they want.

13. Build-up what a uniform does for client impressions. It exudes confidence, professionalism, pride, they're in control, they're there to help, etc.

14. You also might look for ways to differentiate you from the competition.

Do you have a special process or material in creating the uniforms?

Is the patch double-stitched versus others who may only single-stitch?

Is it made with a fabric that has a cool name?

Does the fabric or stitching have a cool name like, "All our uniforms use our unique Double-X Back-Stitching that provides bonds of steel which prevents tearing. The stitches are virtually invisible giving your drivers the clean and professional look your customers expect."

15. If they have employees you can safely assume the boss has no clue what his drivers are really doing out there. Play on that fear of the unknown by pointing out that their drivers are on the road visible to the public a lot so they should look good.

16. If they have their trucks all painted the same then they should want their drivers to look as good as the trucks do with a great uniform.

That's all I can think of for now. I finished this up this morning and read the other suggestions. I think I duped gjabiz's point about showing contrasting drivers, I like his postcard idea. All great tips. Good luck and keep writing, it's looking good. Cheers.