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  #1 (permalink) Old
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Default Please Critigue this Site - 05-27-2008, 10:24 AM

Here the site PhentromineDietPill.com - Home Now on competing sites they offer the 3 bottle best deal as a 1st choice and the single bottle deal as the 3rd choice to boost the average sale on there order page.I know I have to change that but if there is any other pointers I would Appreciate it.

Thank You!
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Default Re: Please Critigue this Site - 05-27-2008, 12:26 PM

Page looks good. Excellent having pics of a people showing the results. Some thoughts, some of these are personal so you'll have to dig a little to get to the neutral comments.

1. Showing a doctor is dangerous imo. I take it by the "headline" he's a clinical doctor and if so, why does he have a stethoscope? Looks a little fishy to me. It might help to have a testimonial by a doctor instead. Don't really have to take it down but it walks a fine line.

2. I'd drop the exclamations from the "headline." We get it, it's a headline and should be bold but every sentence? It kind of loses it's impact half way down.

3. No real headline.

4. I don't like the word goals. Most people aren't goal oriented, they're outcome oriented. Goals sound like work. It's also too vague and it gives the reader an out if they think, "Oh jeez, that doesn't apply to me because I don't have any goals. I'm a fat loser." I'd just say "you'll lose x pounds in y days."

5. "...proven..." is good, "...proven effective..." is better.

6. More exclamation points, might want to trim it down.

7. Third bullet has redundant quotes.

8. 2nd and 3rd paragraphs have the same statement "...one of the safest..." Cut one out.

9. Your headline is in the copy. Look around "furnace".

10. Testimonials. Can't have too many.

11. Money back guarantee. It's got to be strong. People don't care about getting their money back if they're in the hospital. Take away the fear.


GL


Kawika O.

If I had a dime for every retail store that "got it" I'd owe $6,139,420.40.
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Default Re: Please Critigue this Site - 05-29-2008, 02:22 AM

Hi 5 per cent,

1. The pictures are good. But the best type of pictures for this
kind of product are "Before and After" pictures. If you can get
those, you should definitely insert them into your sales page.

2. You have no testimonials on the sales page. And the one's
on your "testimonials" page are very weak. You need to provide
proof and credibility by displaying some results-based testimonials.

3. You are not answering some of the fundamental questions
that every prospect is thinking when considering a purchase.

Some of these questions are:

"Why should I believe you?"

"How is your product unique / better / different to other alternatives?"

"Why should I buy now?" and

"Who else has benefited from your product?"

There are many more questions your copy needs to answer.

And there are SPECIFIC questions that you need to answer
about your product, too.

Basically, your sales letter needs A LOT of work. I would
suggest that you hire a professional copywriter.

PS. Vdmp gave you some extremely valuable suggestions.
You should definitely implement his advice.


Copywriter For Hire (My clients are: Jay Abraham, Alex Mandossian, Armand Morin, Rob Bell, Peter Sun, Holly Cotter, Anik Singal, etc)
http://www.JesseForrest.com
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Default Re: Please Critigue this Site - 05-29-2008, 06:50 AM

Ok, here's the good, bad and the ugly...

First of all, you don't have a sales page... you have a Wikipedia article. This is all about your product and zero about your prospect.

Your headline is a yawner. Been there, done that, don't believe it. But don't worry, your prospect is probably long gone by then anyway because...

You take up the most valuable "real estate" with huge buttons, the product name, and boring bullets.

And you have no proof. The few testimonials you have sound fake.

Alrighty, that was all pretty much ugly. Anything good? Well the girl with the tape measure is kinda cute.

Sorry to be too blunt, but you're ad's gonna get murdered in it's present state.


Chris

Chris Custer
http://www.CusterWriter.com
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Default Re: Please Critigue this Site - 05-31-2008, 08:00 AM

wow,.............i love this iste,
it makes me thrill, anytime am online


imagine the good suggestions.


thumbs up to everyone
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Default Re: Please Critigue this Site - 06-01-2008, 10:26 PM

I have to agree with Chris.. The site is boring...

You need to get the prospect excited, not put them to sleep.. You need your prospect salivating for you product.

You want them to not be able to sleep at night cuz they can't stop thinking about your product and that they need to have..
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