Weight Loss Program needs a Headline

IsabelD · **Weight Loss Program needs a Headline -** 05-21-2008, 05:14 PM

I will be launching a new e-book titled "The Diet Solution" next month. The first draft of our site is
The Diet Solution Manual - Home

Right now we are testing out several different headlines. What do you think about:

"Who else wants to learn how a confused and overweight ex-dieter ignored all the unhealthy diet schemes and discovered the breakthrough nutrition system to get your dream body...even if you have tried every other diet pill and book and failed."

Thanks. Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

Isabel
isabel@thedietsolutionprogram.com

Eric Engel · **Re: Weight Loss Program needs a Headline -** 05-21-2008, 06:16 PM

Who else wants to spend the rest of the day reading a headline?

That really looks like a paragraph. But even with a mega-headline, you could trim some of the fat and add more meat.

Quote:

"This Overweight Ex-Dieter Ignored All the UNHEALTHY Diet Schemes And Discovered a BREAKTHROUGH Nutrition System That Literally Liquidated Her Fat Gobules...

Find Out How She Did It!

I'm getting ready to launch my own weight-loss solution, but I won't be using the long copy at If You Ever Paid A Dime To Lose Weight, You Got Ripped Off!

Guerrilla · **Re: Weight Loss Program needs a Headline -** 05-22-2008, 04:16 PM

Here's how the pounds fell off this fat porker the moment they STOPPED dieting

Lance K · **Re: Weight Loss Program needs a Headline -** 05-23-2008, 10:02 PM

"Fat And Frustrated? It's Not Your Fault!"

vdmp · **Re: Weight Loss Program needs a Headline -** 05-23-2008, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IsabelD

"Who else wants to learn how a confused and overweight ex-dieter ignored all the unhealthy diet schemes and discovered the breakthrough nutrition system to get your dream body...even if you have tried every other diet pill and book and failed."

Too self oriented and it uses out-of-sync person references. Like "Who" and "Your or you". If you must use who, should probably later use their and they've.

Most people aren't into learning, they're into getting. So maybe consider, "Who else wants their dream body in 90-days without exercise just by eating great food and never having to take another deadly diet pill or read another crazy diet book again?"

Stephen Davies · **Re: Weight Loss Program needs a Headline -** 05-24-2008, 07:46 AM

Get Off That Dizzy, Dieting Roller Coaster...

Replace Bulging, Ugly Fat With Healthy Muscle
...Safely And Permanently, Starting Today!

tubs · **Re: Weight Loss Program needs a Headline -** 05-26-2008, 11:46 PM

Try here for some inspiration:

Samples of Weight Loss Ads

JesseForrest · **Re: Weight Loss Program needs a Headline -** 05-29-2008, 01:07 AM

I like Stephen's headline the most ...

Get Off That Dizzy, Dieting Roller Coaster...

Replace Bulging, Ugly Fat With Healthy Muscle
...Safely And Permanently, Starting Today!

I felt that your original headline was too long.

And it doesn't have to be. Some people forget that the purpose
of a headline is to GRAB people's attention and get them reading.
Not to list every single benefit your product or service offers.

Anyway, here is my contribution ...

WARNING:
"If You Want To Lose 11 Pounds In The Next 30 Days,
Safely and Permanently, Then Don't Go On Another
Diet Until You Read My FREE Fat Loss Report"

Hope this helps.