Hello, experts!
This is one of my first endeavors.
Does it rock or does it suck??
The company I wrote the card for, is
promoting its brand management services.

Protect Your Brand Against Recession

Did you know that 83% of marketing fails?
It’s the strength of your brand that determines the outcome.
In good times or bad.

As the only Certified Brand Strategists in XXX, we tackle the
challenge head-on. We will:

· Skillfully align your brand strategy with your business and marketing efforts
· Create preference in the mind of your target audience
· Craft compelling messages that will bolster your revenues, increase value and build trust
· Influence the way your customers, vendors, and employees perceive your company
· Measure the effectiveness of your marketing campaign

Now is the time to uncover your evidence of distinction.
Let’s join efforts and transform your brand in a weak economy.

Act now. Call XXXX for a FREE non-obligatory consultation.
Or visit XXXXX and download your FREE
White Paper on branding in a recession.

I think it's quite okay..

Thanks, Max.
I think so too.
But the client thinks otherwise.
That's why I wanted to double-check.
PS: Interestingly, their prior campaign
has generated zero response rates. I was not involved, by the way.

Angie

Hey Angie,

Not bad, but nothing really sticks out on there to me. Nothing makes me want to respond.

I think the offer is pretty weak. Can you talk them into making a better offer and then building more value in the copy. Seems like the usual "oh yea, get your free no value consultation"

Make it an irresistable offer.

Plus I wouldn't really try selling from the postcard. Not nearly enough room for copy. Just try getting them to respond, not try selling them on the company.

Angie,

If you can dig up even one statistic that shows that spending money on branding in a recession is a smart decision and then offer a white paper that backs this up in spades, then potential customers will feel motivated to act on the postcard.

Right now there is no evidence that businesses who are feeling the pain of today's downturn should be thinking about branding, rather than, say, direct mail to past customers or higher discounts.

Remember that many businesses are skeptical of spending money on branding even in good times. They'll be even more skeptical in bad times.

Your postcard needs either a bold promise or a startling claim to break through the mental clutter.

Good luck,
Marcia Yudkin

Hi, angie
Iam happy to read you again.
so with your permision I want to give you my modest vision, please believe in my respect and sympathy.

first off all, I enjoy how you structured your postcard.

I want just to give you some suggestion about :

1)Headline:
the use of the word "Recession" in the headline, it is interesting to surf of the "recession wave", but it has in my modest vision some inconvinient too.
and thoses inconvients may be resumed on this interrogation:

how to make a costumer personalised solution to face a global economic problem?

the headline, have to show that the solution offered will be personalised one a kind of "taillé sur mesure" in french.

so here is my modest try :

Are you willing to discover what a no charge call can do to your company?
Call XXXX for a FREE non-obligatory consultation.

Nothing to lose, all to gain.

Do your self a favore, and think about:


· Is your business and marketing efforts Skillfully align with your brand strategy ?
· Are you Create preference in the mind of your target audience?
· Are your messages increase value or build trust?
· How customers, vendors, and employees perceive your company?
· What is effectiveness of your marketing campaign ?

Call NOW XXXX for a FREE non-obligatory consultation.

we will surely answer any of your questions.

Is your company worth this free call?
Call NOW XXXX .


this is my modest vision so please believe in my respect and sypathy, hope that it help.

Here's my modest version Angie

(please bear in mind used yours as template and knocked up in 5mins)

I'm no CW but thought I'd have a go


Afraid your Brand will lose it's appeal
Is the recession dragging you down?

Business has never been easy and in a recession it's anyones game.But you can still beat off your competition with powerful branding and a reputation for excellence!


Did you know:
83% of marketing is money down the drain because businesses are not targetting their market with powerful messages that build trust and a reputation for excellence?

Your brand has got you this far, but if you want to protect it then you need to act now to ensure you don't slip into a black hole of obscurity with all the other forgotton brands.

At XXX , our team of Certified Brand Strategists can protect YOUR brand!

We have a professional team of expert brand marketers to help you:

· Strengthen your brand so that it pushes through the roof of your nearest compeitior
· Drive your target audience towards your brand in preference to others
· Give you copy that will pull in the punters, increase profits and build trust
· Strengthen your reputation as the best in your field

We will also measure the results so that at any time you can you can see what works and what fails, though when you work with us, you won't fail!

If you want to stand out in the crowd, and wow your customer base,

Call 0000000000000 Today for your FREE no obligation consultation.
Or visit XXXXX and download your FREE
White Paper on branding in a recession.

__________________________________________________ _____________

AD copyright of me

Meanwhile, Angie why aren't these experts writing their own copy???

Angie, personally, I think this is pretty good. By that I mean if I were in the market, I would probably be interested. The copy flows, quickly addresses the problem and gets to the point.

I agree with Marcia that a startling fact or some solid proof would really kick this up. I would probably go over it again and see where I could tighten a little more and then mail the sucker.

Of course it's your client's nickel, but the true test is... to test. I think it's strong enough to do that.

Good job.

BTW, you said the client didn't like it. What was their feedback? Did they suggest the postcard angle?

Guys, thank you so much for your comments.
Now, see my feedback on YOUR feedback below.

1. Vince and Marcia,
I completely agree with you, guys, regarding the offer.
I was a bit concerned about it myself.
There was no "WOW" factor in it. No thrill. No appeal.
But it is up to the client to come up with something extraordinary (a Free Report, Free CD, Free BMW, etc.) And my job is to articulate it.
I was about to provide some of my ideas and suggestions...but he said the card hadn't hit the mark and called it quits. Some other writer, who is better familiar with the company, will complete the project. Maybe it's someone on staff. The good thing is...I got paid!!

2. Abdellah
You are so sweet. I'd better learn some French
The only thing is: your headline a bit too long. It should
be more specific, and should imply branding. But I surely appreciate the effort. Thank you!

3. Creative,
Good to see you again.
I liked the bullets. Nice work. Well-written and convincing.
Here is my take: The headline is a bit too long. In my opinion.
And there is too much text, too many words.
It is a postcard. Should be very brief and succinct. The biggest challenge
is to incorporate the most essential points in a few small sentences.
We don't have enough space. That's why it took me such a long
time to put it together.
I LOVED "The black hole of obscurity"! This was great!
But might not be appropriate for a promotional postcard,
where the wording should be simple and straightforward.
I tried that type of thing in my first endeavor, and the client said:
"Too cutesy for my taste. Rewrite!"

4. Chris
I like the idea of testing.
BTW, this was the first thing I mentioned to him in our conversation.
But he will be sending it to a small number of local businesses.
About 500 of them.
So, the idea of testing does not appeal to him. But I am glad you liked
my card. If YOU need a copywriter some day, you know where to find me.

To make it short, he was not happy. But I feel like I am in business!
Even if something does not work out the first time, it will keep getting
better and better with each effort. Applies to everyone.

Angie

Hi Angie,

happy to hear that it is going well, good luck and keep us informed.