Web Design Training Copy - Any better than the last one?

Guerrilla · 02:28 PM

Hi Guys,

I made a critiqe request a few weeks back and got some great advice. I scraped my original copy and have written this. I still plan to have it professionally written afterwards but I want to get it as good as I can on my own first and get some control data.

If you see:

[me doing something]

I will be putting in camtasia presentations here, it is a placeholder for the time being.

Its my first draft and I got a few bits i dont like, mainly the job guarantee paragraph and I couldnt really work out how to close it off properly.

Many thanks in advance.

EDIT: Formatting went funny when I pasted it, I moved copy to this link - http://www.webmaster-training.co.uk/webcopy.htm

I havent applied any layout to it yet.

uknetcopywriter

Hey,

"- Get a comprehensive list of all the web design and development freelancer websites, including ratings and reviews as well as tips for achieving contracts.
- Get a CV writing and interview techniques course used by professional CV writers to create a winning applications to jobs.
- Get your free guide on “How to find work in the web design industry”."

One thing I noticed was that you repeated the word 'Get' three times in a row at the end. I use 'Visual Thesaurus' when I'm running out of creativity!- It lists 50 alternatives for the word 'get'.

Maybe worth a try?

Thinkmap Visual Thesaurus (Non aff link)

Dom