I have been asked to write an anti-drugs article aimed at young people and have tried to write something powerful yet that they can relate to without sounding too preachy. I'd be glad of your feedback.

It's a long article hence no copy and pasting!

Creative Blogger - My blog

thanks

Note, there are two articles here. The first called:

My mate Jenny

I understand how examples can be very graphic and directly relate to the reader's problem, but unfortunately you do come across as preachy.

I'm not sure that a sales angle would fit in this picture, but I'll give you one anyway

To modify the behavior of your readers you must first reach a level of empathy with them. To give a small example:

"Drugs are bad. This is the mantra that everyone keeps pushing down your throat, again and again and again. What they always seem to forget is that drugs are also addictive. I know that you want an end to it and I can help get rid of your drugs problem. No preaching, no morals, only a practical solution. The cards are on the table face up. It's your life and you choose how to live it. I am only offering you an alternative. A way out."

Hope this helps.

Regards, George

I like your use of a story-scenario. Most teens like to read stories. And getting teens to want to read this is one of your primary objectives, right? Great choice – good instinct.

I think you just need to tighten it up. It looks too long for easy reading. And I'd also break up some of the longer paragraphs into shorter, 1-2 sentence ones (if this is meant for online reading, that is).

Use of quotes/conversations to tell the story would be a good idea. Many younger readers get into conversations far faster than blocks of narration. And you could move the story along pretty well, too. Just use a few well-placed adjectives: "I did ecstasy last year," Jenny told her ex-boyfriend when they met up in the mall. "But I never really got into it. How about you?" "I live off the stuff," Rob replied, his face lit with an eerie glow.

That sort of thing. Makes the story more alive.

But I really like your idea and approach. Make sure the characters you describe are ones that the majority of your target readers can identify with, also.

Dot

Thank you Dot, I shall have a go shortly on implementing many of the great bits of advice rec'd so far (note my thread 'meanies!')

Great website you have by the way. Nice to see a cw properly selling themself, amazing how many don't!

OMG, thank you! Wonderful words, those.

Dot