Hi folks,

I'm new to copywriting, and would very much appreciate constructive, honest critique on my webpage.

It is for an upcoming teleseminar to help couples plan their wedding.

Wedding Planning

Thanks for the help!

I appreciate that your headline only has six words. I suggest that you keep the pithiness but consider changing the wording. A headline that asks a question would be good. Something like, "Are you overwhelmed with wedding preparations?" Or, "Do you know the three most common mistakes brides make when planning their wedding?"

Also, the formatting of your page doesn't look right on my computer; everything is squished to the left.

Good luck with your tele-seminar.

--Anita

It really doesn't indicate special or proprietary knowledge, or any particularly outstanding benefit. I would use this page as a outline for a sales page, not a sales page.

While it hits the general ideas, there's no compelling message. I don't think it's a newsflash to the woman who has been planning since age eight, that the photographer and DJ is important.

Very few people need a teleseminar to tell them what they could find in five minutes online. The overall impression of this page is "If you're going to hire a wedding planner, you might as well hire us." And the only reason you give is "because you're already on this page."

The hard lesson you're going to have to deal with: Users visit other sites.

You need to explain you're a wedding planner who can "Say this six-word phrase and get a photographer or DJ to drop their rates up to 15%."

"Can you spot the five amateur mistakes in this wedding photo? Most wedding photographers can't." I could reveal this, show the photo and indicate it's the exact one being talked about in the seminar, and still get people to sign up.

They want to find out if the five things they think are wrong are really wrong. Or, if they only spotted two or three, what they missed. It's also a smart way of revealing information without giving everything away.

The page raises more questions than it answers. If these are "The industry's Top leaders" you list them, give their background, and detail their expertise ...including famous names they've provided wedding services to. Hiding the names is a tipoff they aren't worth mentioning. If it's Emeril talking catering secrets, I'm going ...if not - then not.

Nothing about this page promised information. Information being something that the average bride isn't likely to know. For a teleseminar, you need to reveal what most wedding planners you're in competition with don't know -- even if that's only the impression. This page falls way, way short of the mark.

Brides want a wedding that will be memorable and they want it to go without a hitch. The "Welcome" headline is simply too generic and needs to zero in how they will benefit if they choose your services.