Shred me - you know you want to! My Ad

Creative fossil · 06:07 PM

I have had a go at writing an Ad for myself. I haven't much CW experience as you know, I just do articles and blogs, but thought I'd have a bash at an AD for my site out of necessity more than anything else. Please feel free to take it apart and redirect me.

AD as follows:

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Welcome

You have reached the home page of Creative Blogger aka Leah Gray Freelance Internet Writer, Columnist and Problogger.

Experienced in writing for the Internet:

Relationship/dating advice
Ghost writing
Product reviews
How to guides
10 top tips for..
Celebrity gossip,
News Articles
Healthy living articles

Blogging

What you want

Articles that:

Your readers enjoy
Rank highly in search engines
Get YOU noticed!

What you need

A talented freelance writer that can:

Create original content
Work within tight deadlines
Write for a fee you can afford.

This could be you!

“Dear friend

I had a site that was under performing with very few users coming across it on the Internet. Then I recruited Creative Blogger to write some articles for me. Within a month her content was bringing in a few hundred readers a week! I would recommend her services as when it comes to writing for the Internet, her content is very search engine friendly and the readers really get into her stuff!

signed

You”

What can Creative Blogger do for your readers?

After just 1yr in the writing game Creative Blogger has taken the blogger world by storm with her off the wall, no holds barred, tell it like it is writing style. With an uncanny way of getting to the heart of matter, Creative Blogger seems to know exactly what it is that readers really want to know and presents the answers in short easy to digest snack sized posts. No wading through pages of waffle, her writing is concise, witty, informative and hits the spot every time!

But it doesn’t end there!

What can Creative Blogger do for you?

Experienced in writing search engine optimized articles enriched with keywords and related links, Creative Blogger can write content that will have those Google bots going crazy as they push your site towards the top of Googles search engine.

Most read author at http://www.problogs.com/ after just a few short weeks! Now still at the number 1 spot, Creative Blogger attracts approximately 1300+ readers a week to that site with her topical blog posts.

If you want articles on a variety of topics with attention grabbing titles at a price you can afford look no further.

Newly appointed Relationship columnist at http://www.searchwarp.com/, Creative Blogger is already in their top 10 for authors with the most fans (out of 6000+) and a top 100-featured author.

Whatever the topic, subject or style, Creative Blogger can provide compelling content for you.

Why pay extortionate freelance writer fee’s of $250+ for a 500 word article when you can get a naturally talented ‘noob’ to do it for you at a snip of the fee?

Here’s how it works - easy as 1,2,3

You email CB at creativeblogger@aol.com let her know what site you want content for and the nature of that content.

You indicate how much you want to pay and details of any deadlines.

CB will reply with details of how she can help you.

I want to know more about Creative Blogger – visit the ‘About CB’ page

I want to see Samples – Switch to the Samples page

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Note I will also have a testimonial page when I have some testimonials.

Please bear in mind re presentation that the software for my web page is pants and I can't do frames and things as they seem not to show up in all browsers etc. or appear misaligned.

I know it's a cheesy AD, but I can't make out I'm a sophisticated cw as I'm not.

Be gentle!!

Eileen · **Re: Shred me - you know you want to! My Ad -** 02-12-2008, 08:43 PM

Okay. Here goes ... just a quickie ... You make a very common mistake right out of the gate - talking about yourself instead of your target customer. Since you're looking for customers who want articles written, start with a headline that targets their pain or frustration. Push those buttons a little more in the first paragraph or two ... and then show how you can solve their problem.

The "Dear Friend ... signed You" thing seems a little lame to me. Try using the "imagine" technique instead. E.g., "Imagine how different things could be. Right now, your site isn't performing nearly as well as you'd hoped ..." yada yada yada.

I am not crazy about the way you talk about yourself in the third person. If it were me, I'd go with the first person voice and adopt a cozy, let's-have-a-chat-and-solve-your-problem kind of tone.

Your credentials (most read author at problogs, etc.) are great, by the way. Good proof.

I suggest you go on other freelancers' site and see how they address their audiences. That would give you a feel for the kind of voice and tone that would work well.

Eileen

Creative fossil · **Re: Shred me - you know you want to! My Ad -** 02-13-2008, 05:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eileen

Okay. Here goes ... just a quickie ... You make a very common mistake right out of the gate - talking about yourself instead of your target customer. Since you're looking for customers who want articles written, start with a headline that targets their pain or frustration. Push those buttons a little more in the first paragraph or two ... and then show how you can solve their problem.

The "Dear Friend ... signed You" thing seems a little lame to me. Try using the "imagine" technique instead. E.g., "Imagine how different things could be. Right now, your site isn't performing nearly as well as you'd hoped ..." yada yada yada.

I am not crazy about the way you talk about yourself in the third person. If it were me, I'd go with the first person voice and adopt a cozy, let's-have-a-chat-and-solve-your-problem kind of tone.

Your credentials (most read author at problogs, etc.) are great, by the way. Good proof.

I suggest you go on other freelancers' site and see how they address their audiences. That would give you a feel for the kind of voice and tone that would work well.

Eileen

Thanks Eileen, great advice

I am not a cw though so not sure how to address a couple of those points you mention, but I'll have a go. I wrote the initial site in first person and it was cozier, but you know how it is. Never quite sure what to do for the best.

Thanks again

diamondgeezer · **Re: Shred me - you know you want to! My Ad -** 02-13-2008, 05:08 PM

I'll echo the advice that Eileen has given you.

Believe it not the best word in selling is the word 'I' rather than 'You'.

Never be afraid to talk about yourself in the first person. Starting out with a story about you, how you came to doing this line of work, how you had frustrations yourself and overcame them - now your offering your services as coming from a place of experience (backed up with other people saying how good you are, of course).

Selling is easy - if you can master two simple concepts 1) get someone to like you and then 2) help them, inform them, go the extra mile - before you ask for the sale.

I can't tell you how many successful sales persons in print and in person I have worked with that use this method - why? because it works.

I'm over simplifying things, but in print you should set yourself out as the person to come to, how? By bonding straight away with the reader (common frustrations, everyday observations about blogging etc.) then give 'em a few tips (tease them with real useful info), lead into all the other wonderful things you can do for them, back it up with proof (testimonals, case studies, portfolio) and then hit 'em with a great offer... hook up a deadline and bingo!

Note: you don't have to start talking about your personal life, just a great a story to hook 'em into reading the rest of your pitch - salemanship 101

Good luck!

Rachel Irwin · 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by diamondgeezer

I'll echo the advice that Eileen has given you.

Believe it not the best word in selling is the word 'I' rather than 'You'.

Never be afraid to talk about yourself in the first person. Starting out with a story about you, how you came to doing this line of work, how you had frustrations yourself and overcame them - now your offering your services as coming from a place of experience (backed up with other people saying how good you are, of course).

Diamondgeezer,

You've got to be kidding! The last thing people want to read about at a sales page is "you." Using I is a sure sign of being an amateur. If you're saying this because it's used as a storytelling technique, you can still tell a story without putting yourself in the picture.

Creative fossil · **Re: Shred me - you know you want to! My Ad -** 02-13-2008, 07:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by diamondgeezer

I'll echo the advice that Eileen has given you.

Believe it not the best word in selling is the word 'I' rather than 'You'.

Never be afraid to talk about yourself in the first person. Starting out with a story about you, how you came to doing this line of work, how you had frustrations yourself and overcame them - now your offering your services as coming from a place of experience (backed up with other people saying how good you are, of course).

Hi DG

I was just signing on here to report I have changed the style completely and scrapped the entire Ad idea. I can't take on more projects just now anyway so decided to just introduce myself and provide background on how I got started which is what you suggest! Coincidence ay!

Anyway, please check out the page (ignore crap layout, it's cheap software and hard to edit as it won't do what I ask and frames don't display well on all PC's hence I don't use them, I keep it very simple)

site here: Creative Blogger - Home Page

Thanks for the advice!

Leah
ps. when I get more time I'll make it look and read more proffessional, but for now I just need something online.

Creative fossil · **Re: Shred me - you know you want to! My Ad -** 02-13-2008, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rachel Irwin

Diamondgeezer,

You've got to be kidding! The last thing people want to read about at a sales page is "you." Using I is a sure sign of being an amateur. If you're saying this because it's used as a storytelling technique, you can still tell a story without putting yourself in the picture.

Eileen also suggested I write in the first person.

For an Ad I think personally 3rd person, but as I have now moved away from the Ad idea (see my reply to DG) I have written in the first person as a personal 'hi' to my readers rather than addressing potential clients.

Creative Blogger - Home Page

I just need something online yesterday basically as readers are clicking on the site. The site is now more of a redirection tool to my other sites and I suppose when my ebooks are ready I'll use it to plug those.

diamondgeezer · **Re: Shred me - you know you want to! My Ad -** 02-14-2008, 05:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rachel Irwin

Diamondgeezer,

You've got to be kidding! The last thing people want to read about at a sales page is "you." Using I is a sure sign of being an amateur. If you're saying this because it's used as a storytelling technique, you can still tell a story without putting yourself in the picture.

Hi Rachel,

No I'm deadly serious - some of the biggest, most lucrative controls in direct copywriting history have been written in the first person and using the word 'I' profusely. Let me give you some examples:

I'll start with a good market - all the big mailers in the U.S. - Phillips, Agora, Boardroom, KCI et al. These players are mainly in the investment and health fields, and pay the mucho big bucks for the best writers in the world - so it's a pretty safe bet to think they know what they are doing.

If you go and study all the controls you will find a large percentage are written in the first person - please, have a look at work by Gary Bencivenga, Clayton Makepeace, Doug D'Anna, Rich Armstrong... etc.

These guys write in the voice of the author, and often use the word 'I'.

Next example, Ted Nicholas. I think he knows what he's doing as well. Please look at 'Only Way Left For Little Guy to Get Rich...' space ad. First sentence - "I love my wife. And I understand why she wants me to keep my mouth shut."

This ad absolutely blew his old control (written as a you, you, you piece) out of the water.

Gary Halbert: Most of Halbert's ads were written in the first person, because he knew if he could bond with the reader instantly, like saying "I've been there, I know what you're going through, here's something that I discovered" he was onto a winner.

John Carlton: Most of his ads are written in the 'voice' of Doc O'Leary, in the first person, and use the word 'I'.

Most of the big internet launches (in the internet marketing field anyway) in the last year or two: Pipeline Profits, StomperNet, Mass Control. All these were sold via the age-old sales tactic of bonding. Lots of personal emails, informality, great informative videos, lots of human touches, story-telling - all about themselves.

I'm not going to go on anymore, but I think you get the picture - bonding is what we all want, get it across in your writing and you're made.

Two good articles to read on Clayton Makepeace's site: issue 305 (Daniel Levis with Ted Nicholas) and issue 275 (Daniel Levis with Richard Armstrong). You will get some great advice here.

My advice: only model and read the best work out there - look for the big controls, and life will become much happier.

Use of the word 'I' is the absolute pinnacle of professional writing - if you can do it right.

diamondgeezer · 06:02 AM

Hi Leah

Just went to your creative-blogger.com - listen you've got some great credentials, you're prolific and have received some external honours - you should use all these as big proof elements as why anyone should give you a hearing.

Plus, you already have a story - your journey from a few friends encouraging you from Myspace to give blogging a try (I'm sure you then battled through a few hurdles till you really got comfortable with the whole thing) - on that journey you discovered three simple, yet key elements which transformed your abilities in blogging, which in turn created a sense of happiness and connection with people online. This whole blogging thing literally gave you a true purpose in life to help others. And now you want to share that very knowledge... (just made that up to illustrate my point).

Use your story, use your proof, give 'em a great offer.

You know about relationships right, you know how important bonding is - that sales page should ooze understanding and provide salvation (in the form of yourself or ebook or whatever).

Be brave and sell yourself - no-one can knock you off because the product is you. Write using the word 'I'.

Think about this. British TV chefs - Gordon Ramsay, Jamie Oliver, Keith Floyd, Nigella Lawson, Clarissa Dickson Wright (to name a few). How many chefs in the world can cook like them? A lot! They have no magical powers of knowledge of cooking that can't be learnt - but they all have one thing that sets them apart, one thing that creates their individuality - personality.

The greatest people on the planet 'sell' themselves on their personality (or lack of! - which bizarrely works as well).

You are in such a great position to position yourself as the person to go to - just believe it yourself.

DG

Creative fossil · **Re: Shred me - you know you want to! My Ad -** 02-14-2008, 07:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by diamondgeezer

Hi Leah

Just went to your creative-blogger.com - listen you've got some great credentials, you're prolific and have received some external honours - you should use all these as big proof elements as why anyone should give you a hearing.

Plus, you already have a story - your journey from a few friends encouraging you from Myspace to give blogging a try (I'm sure you then battled through a few hurdles till you really got comfortable with the whole thing) - on that journey you discovered three simple, yet key elements which transformed your abilities in blogging, which in turn created a sense of happiness and connection with people online. This whole blogging thing literally gave you a true purpose in life to help others. And now you want to share that very knowledge... (just made that up to illustrate my point).

Use your story, use your proof, give 'em a great offer.

You know about relationships right, you know how important bonding is - that sales page should ooze understanding and provide salvation (in the form of yourself or ebook or whatever).

Be brave and sell yourself - no-one can knock you off because the product is you. Write using the word 'I'.

Think about this. British TV chefs - Gordon Ramsay, Jamie Oliver, Keith Floyd, Nigella Lawson, Clarissa Dickson Wright (to name a few). How many chefs in the world can cook like them? A lot! They have no magical powers of knowledge of cooking that can't be learnt - but they all have one thing that sets them apart, one thing that creates their individuality - personality.

The greatest people on the planet 'sell' themselves on their personality (or lack of! - which bizarrely works as well).

You are in such a great position to position yourself as the person to go to - just believe it yourself.

DG

Thanks DG, I appreciate your confidence and your great advice. I shall work on it some more.

Meanwhile, how about a short testimonial? I need those too

I will put it with link to you and your site (incl pic if you wish) . When I have time I will drive a lot of traffic to that site.