Note: I was just learning copywriting
for 3 months... so if you find this copy
too boring, then its ok...

but if you can brutally murder every inch
of this copy, then I'd be very grateful.

It's here:

http://w8loss.fileave.com/w8loss.pdf

Thanks.

I couldn't really get past the first paragraphs. Actually, I barely got past the headlines.

You took 3 common headlines, giving each of them very common claims. But that's not even my main problem with them. The fact is, they jumped around all over the place. Each statement should lead to the next in your copy. Make it flow.

You do the same thing in the body of your copy.

The whole thing looks like you just sat down, wrote what you thought were the good points, and them threw them together.

It's not a letter. It's a brainstorming session.

I don't mean to come down so hard on you, but you need to start over. And write the letter, don't just splash different colors of paint on and hope it looks good.

That made me cry and weep all over.

I'm giving up copywriting altogether...

NOT.

I have a skin thicker than a rhinos'

Thanks alot for the critique...

I'm already working on a new one...