I'm in the $500 per month Michel Fortin coaching program.
We've been working for 6 months together, and we've come up with this so far:

Achieve Success Faster with Michael Bolduc!

The last score from Michel Fortin himself was 70%, so there is still a lot of room for improvement.

I want a 1-hour critique from people interested in giving critiques.
I'm willing to offer money for those critiques as long as they are good quality.

Text critique: $25 (Paid by Paypal)
Camtasia video critique: $50 (Paid by Paypal)

I am not paying much, but still it's money in your pocket for some feedback.

Limited to 5 people!
You can send your request in 2 ways:

1. Send an E-mail to michael@michaelbolduc.com
2. Reply to this post.

You will be paid in full once you send me your critique.
Please confirm first that I have approve you as one my critique person.

I'll do a Camtasia critique for you tomorrow if you like. I took a quick look at the site and see lots of potential improvement areas.

Michael, I'm in!

Will give ya a text critique.

By the way, I recognise you.

I own a copy of the book you wrote which was banned by AR.

PS: Do you want your critique to be sent privately to you OR can I just post it right on this board?

PPS: One of the major problems of your copy is that you haven't quite got the clearest idea of WHO you are writing to...

Hi, so far the people that I have approved are as follows:

1. Converguy (text critique)
2. Paul Gram (Camtasia critique)

You can send me your critique personally at michael@michaelbolduc.com.
I appreciate this.

****** There is still room for 3 more people ***********

By the way Converguy, it's a small world that you read one of my books.
It was badly written too...lol.
Thanks for your critique.
Please make sure you give me your E-mail, so I send both of you the payment by Paypal.

Oh...by the way, my target person is mostly entrepreneurs.
However, its also people that are performance oriented, and that means that their incomes are affected by their performance, such as...

1. Salespeople.
2. CEO's
3. Stock traders
4. Internet Marketers.
5. Other Coaches.
6. Telemarketers.

The list goes on.

P.S. I STILL have 3 more spots available for the critique. So if you want to critique my website, then let me know either by e-mail at michael@michaelbolduc.com or post online here.

P.P.S. If you think the graphics of my sales letter needs to be improved, then you should know I sent this video to my webmaster: Created by Camtasia Studio 4

Hi Michael,

Here's a quick comment for you - no payment necessary!

In Firefox on my Macbook, the white page background that most of your copy is on disappears after your testimonial from "Sebastien Leblong", making the rest of your page difficult to read on that dark background.

Might want to ask your web guy what's up there!

Cheers,

Steve

Thanks Steve.
Michel Fortin had mentioned that to me also.

P.S. I still have 2 more available spots for the critique at $25 text or $50 Camtasia video. Let me know those who are interested.

The new updates to the website: Achieve Success Faster with Michael Bolduc!

I've received enough critiques so far to make MASSIVE improvements, especially from Paul. Thank you so much Paul.

Paul did such a wonderful job on his video critique that I asked him for seconds.

I'm waiting on one more person (a very important person, and ONE MORE from Paul) and then I'm ready to go live next week -- if the critiques are done on time.

Hi Michael

Here are my first impressions...

Your first headline is ok, although "nearly any goal" is too vague. But overall it makes me want to read on.

The next two headlines turn me off, all I hear is "michael bolduc"... and at this point I really don't care about you. I want more about me.

Just scanning though the body copy I feel like there's too much about you. I like the story elements but you need to connect more with the reader -- I feel like I'm a few pages into your copy and still have no idea what you can actually do for me.

Scanning again, I see the 99c price at the bottom and I'm turned off. Cheapens everything I've read so far. Suddenly everything I've read takes on a new light... "said the 99c coach".

Personally I'd either do a free initial coaching session, or charge a hundred dollars or so. Depending on your offer either approach can work. But 99c in big bold letters just sounds cheap. (Apologies if you've explained/justified this elsewhere in the letter, it just sticks out to me.)