Hi,
this is only my second attempt at a press release and any comments would be
greatly appreciated.
Its for a site promoting graffiti as an art form.

Here's the link

(The format probably needs a tweak)

Thanks & regards,
Neil

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

Thousands Of Kids Without Proper Upbringing Fail To See Obvious Problems With Vandalism

In forums and on the street, thousands of teens are banding together to fight the sensible laws that say "you can't paint other people's property"!

Instead of buying or making their own walls to paint, graffiti 'artists' want society to provide outlets for their destructive, vile behavior. In this, they differ from other artists who generally purchase their own canvas, paints, and other materials.

Oh gosh...I just can't go on taking this serious.

Thank you for your critique.
I will, if I may, read between the lines...
It appears I have made a fatal error in that I have inadvertently failed to distinguish between the various definitions of the word 'graffiti' as understood by the general public, and have actually fueled the gross misconceptions associated with it as a whole.
I should indeed have ensured that the underlying message of the article was actually to promote the highly-skilled art form as a positive activity when practiced within the bounds of the law rather than an abhorrent, destructive 'pastime' which is more associated with the other meanings of the word 'graffiti' as generally understood by the public which I believe are -
1. vandalism, by unsavoury characters with blatant disregard to public property and a despicable disregard for society as a whole
2. wise guy stuff as seen in public toilets and other areas e.g. on a condom machine - 'For refund insert baby'
So, I thank you for your input and have already made changes to the text in question so no further confusion will ensue.

Sorry, but I still get the same impression. I did hit reload on my browser in case the new version wasn't showing -- it still comes off as promoting the illegal variety.

Next, the press release has no news value. It's really just opinion and a blatant plea for publication space you don't have to pay for.

Next we have long, run on sentences like "According to founder Neil Campbell, resentment toward the establishment runs deep with kids embracing the style of the street, seeking self expression through their own art rather than simply accepting the outdated 'graffiti is not art' dogma that is simply ignored and even ridiculed." Make sentences short and snappy, not long and lumbering.

The title does hint at some human interest but the body copy blows it. It has no news interest or time sensitivity. Contrary to popular belief, your wanting to publicize your business in no way makes it a priority for running.

Try making the piece look like something that earns space in a publication.

-- Never tell your own story. Use interviews, facts and figures to make your points. Interview a real, possibly famous, graffiti artist. Have him explain that -- whatever it is you're offering (it's a complete mystery from the copy) -- your product or service would have kept him out of jail. Make it unmistakable the point is differentiating legal, sanctioned graffiti from criminal tagging.

Just as "I" is discouraged in copy, referring to yourself in the third person is also to be avoided.

If you're going to claim "some" work is getting five figures at auction, do the homework. Name the artist(s) and cite the auction house. You could even project prices are increasing at a X% clip, indicating a trend worth coverage. That's news worthy.

(Notice you don't see much ink advocating illegal activities in print? Take that hint).

-- Work the business into the story. Currently the story has no real reason to mention your business. Firms that, for instance, collect data about graffiti might have a chance at getting a mention in the press. Firms that actively cover the graffiti scene and act as a clearing house for, say, an interactive map of every space over twenty square feet in America where it is okay to put up graffiti get coverage.

The guy who just wants a plug for his course so they don't have to pay for ad space ...not so much getting coverage.

-- The landing page should tie in with the release. I'm not even going to touch the site copy or the site design, but it needs a lot of work.

Press releases are good for one thing: Doing the heavy lifting for someone wanting to cover a story. If you're not doing the heavy lifting for a print journalist or blogger, it really doesn't work as a press or news release.

There's actually a BIG HOOK lying dormant here ... if you could make the case that "GRAFFITI IS GOOD!"

(which you don't)

But, if you could... there's a GREAT ANGLE with...


Then, go on to talk about the beautification projects being conducted, examples of cities that have embraced it. (are there any?) Results, etc.

The controversial angle is doable... with the right message.

Whole new meaning to "targeting your market."

Is there a distinction between graffiti and airbrush art? I mean I see legit airbushing all over. I thought that graffiti was, by definition, destruction of property (public or private). If you want to portray it as an art, then define it. Otherwise, people are going to use the definition we've always used.

...and don't put up pictures of illegal activity on your site.