Hi all,

I have created a new product specifically for people with: Public Speaking Fear...
Before going live with my new product and to contact JV-partners I would love to hear some comments from you guys about the sales letter.
To be honest I'm not a sales writer at all.
And the experts arround here will agree with me but I really would like to hear some advice / critique.

All comments and help are much appreciated!

Note: I have not tested this recent sales letter on targetted or untargetted traffic.

The site is at: Fear Of Public Speaking Course | Public Speaking Tips
Thanks guys!

Dennis

All I can say is, that sales letter requires some serious rewriting.

- Dean.

PS: What is that opt-in form doing at the top of the copy?

Hi,

Thanks for your comments!

Well if you have any suggestions on how to rewrite or you have any recommendations for people who can do this please tell me.
Your comments are appreciated a lot!

About the opt-in form:

I stole that idea from: Day Job Killer... its about to get interesting...

I thought it's great to do that because a lot of people stay just a few seconds and go. For those people I setup this opt-in form to stay in contact with them.

Not a good idea ?

Dennis

I think your first mistake is the approach itself. And I'm not a hundred percent sure about this, so you might want to check on what I'm going to say...

You say yourself (in the letter) that people honestly believe that they CAN'T speak in public. You see? If people have accepted this notion, then they're not thinking along the lines of overcoming fears. They want to overcome themselves.

Instead of painting a picture of fear in the beginning of the letter, I would paint a picture of success...
I think it's important to let the reader visualize what being a successful speaker is like. Or maybe just confirm what they already think. Put them directly in the story, and end it by showing them that this REALLY is possible.

If JP weighs in on this, take what he says as gold. He's been in the industry for quite a while.

It's a great sales letter, but I'd lose the part about making more money and only working a few hours a week--that puts you into the realm of cheesy get-rich-quick folks. There is a huge market of people who already make lots of money and are afraid to speak. TJ Walker The Speaking Channel

Dennis,

You give people zero reason to believe a word you say. You never mention any of your own public speaking credentials. Do you have any credentials?

Your letter only scratches the surface of why people want to be better at public speaking. Most folk don't want to be Barack Obama, they just want to survive their presentation perceived social status and reputation intact.

And I say this coming off writing 2 public speaking sales letters in the last month and authoring a public speaking blog for the last 2 years.

- plus, take out that 'don't hide your success' stock photo. No reason for it to be there as it doesn't move the sale along and only serves to distract.

And these bullets below are silly to someone who doesn't have any ambition to become a professional speaker.

You can work when and where you want… and spend a few days with the kids whenever you feel like it. It’s up to you! You can drastically increase your income by working just a few hours a week.
You can become a valued member of your community who provides a valuable and important service.

If you want to go after people who want to be professional speakers you should re-tool everything toward that.

Right now I don't think you in any way justify your $77 asking price. But come back with another effort and share your credentials if you have them so we could spin them in your favor.

Hi,

Thanks for all your comments.

First of all, I don't have any credentials because I'm just a marketer in this niche and not a speaker myself.

The reason the sales letter have 2 (or more) stories is because I'm not sure
what kind of traffic I will receive.
So now I have stories for more different kind of traffic.

But you guys are right, there should be one main story.

The book I'm selling describes 7 Methods which help to overcome the fear.
Mainly it's about how to give a presentation / how to practise / what to do in "tricky" situations / etc.

They need to realize and understand my 7 steps.

Is there anybody who would like to see my Ebook and give comments about that so that I can (or somebody else can) rewrite the sales letter ?

Again, thanks for these comments already!

Dennis

I've seen that opt in approach in use from that designer that did Day Job Killer. Personally I think it detracts too much, maybe better suited to a multi-step sale that requires email follow up.

Lots of spelling and grammar errors.

I agree the bullets don't really fit.

I think the layout if good and graphically nice.

The look of your guarantee box seems a decade behind the rest of the site.

I think you can edit to become pretty good.

I know you've put in some work to get to this point. But unless you have public speaking experience yourself why write a resource on public speaking?

Just doesn't make sense to me.

If you want to enter the niche you could partner with a speaker in a marketer (YOU)/niche expert (THEM) Joint Venture. At the very least you would have opportunity for a more grabbing sales letter just from incorporating their authentic biography and credentials.

How do any of these overcome the fear of public speaking?

I've done various courses/classes on presentations/speaking and all the "how to" was taught... even in school I seem to remember some kind of speaking lessons... maybe in business???

Anyway none of this information overcomes the fear. All the people who were scared of doing a presentation still bombed even through they "knew" how to.

The fear of public speaking is not about knowing or not knowing how to give a speech. It's about self confidence at a deeper level.