Hello!

Could you please critique my letter at Finally...Quit Gambling For Good! ?

I need general opinions on the quality of the copy, but I'd also have some specific questions...

1) How does the headline sound? And by the way, are the words "pain" and "blast trough" safe to use in the headline?

2) What do you think of the audio (i.e. Jocelyn's speech). I have very little experience with this part and I would really appreciate some criticism and/or advice. Does it sound natural? Is it relevant? Is it powerful?

3) What do you think about the PS: statements?

Thank you so much for your help!

Peter

I approached this with all the good intentions...but I just couldn't take it. Buy your e-book and stop a life long addiction for good? Give me a ****ing break!

I looked through your competition via adwords...you practically have none. This not a stage of advertising where you need to make bogus claims. Not only is it out of place in the industry and a crappy strategy (speaking from a marketing standpoint), but it's harmful to your customers. This does NOT require hype. Don't give it hype. But especially, don't give it inflated hype.

Gambling is a serious thing, and shouldn't be looked at as a way to exploit. Take your claims, and bring them down to reality. That's your first step.

Then work on your story about your friend. Can't you think of any vice you've tried to snuff out. If you're the type of person who has a solid will power and doesn't understand addiction, then talk to an addict and get a better perspective if you want to use a story. The biggest problem with it is that your tell it from an outsider's view point. I'm not saying you should tell it in first person as if it's about yourself, but you need to better address some of the problems an addict faces...not the problems their family faces.

You could do much better with this copy. But it's an emotional sell. Make it emotional.

I'll leave critique of the copy to wiser minds than mine, but I wanted to weigh in on the audio. To my ear, the voice didn't match the picture. It was more of a voicemail menu voice. It sounded overly enunciated. If that makes sense. To be honest, I was left wanting more; it seemed a little short, or maybe it just ended more abruptly than I would have wanted.

Your not getting to the core of your prospects desires in your headline. You cant over do your claims for a virgin market. Markets go through different stages of buyer sophistication, at the beginning when something is unknown - then you need to introduce it with a more benefit based headline with no hype.

Your headline does a poor job of reaching out to the core of your prospects needs, wants and desires. You should read more about the psychology of gambling addictions, read forums related to gambling addictions and also go out and actually talk to people who have recovered from gambling addictions.

For this type of product especially, you need to really understand your prospect and their special situation. They most likely have had other people confront them about their gambling addiction before. If your sales letter doesn't take them by the hand and lead them down the slippery slope in a non-threatening way, then they are just going to leave because they are in denial about it.

Also is your picture real? It looks like a stock photo...

You need to truly and deeply understand what is going through your prospects mind. Understand them, what they go through - the highs and the lows they experience.

As the late Gary Halbert once said to John Carlton... "Dont come back until you've put some damn empathy into this copy"

You need to connect with the people you are trying to help on an emotional level. Your headline needs to reach out to their core desire and connect with them immediately. What is that desire? Gamblers love the highs of winning money, the excitement of putting it all on the line and the adrenaline rush of winning.

It is a real, chemical addiction - their mind becomes addicted to the reward feedback chemicals of the brain, which occur when they win. There is literately a gamblers high, a rush of adrenaline and a euphoric feeling which is felt whenever they win. Thats getting to the heart of the matter, there in lies the addiction. Gamblers are not addicted to winning money, they are addicted to the excitement of gambling.

At the heart of the matter, gambling is about entertainment and the excitement of thinking "what if I hit it big, what would I spend my money on - what things would I get?". Then the gamblers get even higher dreaming of all the nice things they can get if they win. So the excitement and adrenaline builds even more.

AND I HAVE ONE IMPORTANT POINT TO MAKE. I KNOW SOMEONE WHO QUIT FOR ONE AND ONLY ONE REASON. HE HEARD GAMBLING WAS A DISEASE.

That's it, it didn't matter how much money he lost or how many people he screwed. But when he heard gambling was a disease, all the sudden - he quit. So I think its a dumb idea to put it as a myth in your sales letter when it has been the sole motivation for some people to quit.

The reason why is because it re frames their perception of gambling from being an addiction (like smoking) to being a disease (like lung cancer). People are motivated by fear more than anything else, and one of their biggest fears is fear of ill health. When you call something a disease you are associating gambling with ill health (which invokes fear) and motivates change.

I've dealt with multiple people who have been addicted to gambling and I can tell you right now you are not emphasizing with your readers or leading them down the slippery slope.

I could go on and on, the bottom line is you need to learn more about your prospects. Go to a Casino for 8 hours and you will learn more about how to improve your sales copy than anyone here can tell you.

I think you miss the mark on who this letter should be targeted towards.

I doubt gambling addicts are looking for help. They're addicts, so they probably don't even see themselves as having a problem. In other words, even though gambling addicts may need your product, they certainly don't want it.

The people who would go to Google and type in "gambling addiction' etc. are probably close friends and family members of someone with an addiction. They have to put up with the gambler and see him/her ruining their life. That's the market who WANTS information on how they can stop their friend/loved one from gambling and I think they are more likely to go to Google and look for information on gambling addictions.

So, with that in mind, I think you need to target your message to the friends/family members of a gambling addict. A headline something like "How I stopped my father's 10-year addiction to gambling on horses..." That's just a super rough headline, but you get the idea. Ideally, you'll have a story on how one family member used your product to help their loved one stop gambling.

The way your copy is now, there's no emotion to it. You need to bond more with the reader. Tell the reader how you (or someone you know) missed the kids' Christmas play at school because he had to go to the track...left the kids unattended because he had to meet his bookie...squandered the rent money on the Jets...etc.

That's my 2 cents. Hope it helps.

James

Hi Peter,

I like it! I like your headline and subhead and think your market will respond to this letter.

The only thing I noticed was the CD or DVD you have in the graphic of what's being offered. First, is it a CD or DVD? And if you're offering this, it has a higher perceived value than your e-book.

If I were you, I'd devote a paragraph or two highlighting the benefits of this item. Other than that, I think you might have a winner.

-- Rachel

James,

I have to disagree with you on this one. Addicts know they have a problem but rationalize it by saying they'll quit tommorrow or the next day after that. But ... they know something is wrong.

It's all about hope. If hope is offered and they are persuaded that they can be "cured" of gambling addiction, then buy they will.

-- Rachel

I agree with Rachel that addicts WILL be looking at this and ARE looking for help/hope. But I totally disagree with this approach. Everything from the headline to the story is over-hyped...for this market. At the stage the market is in, it won't take a lot to convince people to buy. Making outrageous claims is not the way to do it. The emotional aspect is the key. Offer hope and they'll take the bait.