I'm trying to think of a different angle for the headline.

I think you get the idea from the 5 below. Target market is those who just can't seem to get their squeeze page to do what it's supposed to do consistently and reliably.

#1
If Your Squeeze Pages Convert Over 91%, Go Ahead and Close This Page.

#2
Do Any Of Your Squeeze Page Convert at 91.6%?
Mine do ... and I'm about to share exactly how it's done.

#3
Do 916 of 1000 Visitors Sign Up For Your Opt-in List?
My secrets are soon yours...

#4
821 of 1000 Visitors Are Opting In At My Sites!
(And that's about average ...) Want My Secrets?

#5
Are Your Pages Converting at 91.6%?

Thanking you in advance!

Charles

Would really be great if you gave us some copy and/or product info to go on.

I know from my own experience that some of the best headlines can be buried in the copy.

Care to tip your cards? We're here to help.

You've sort of limited the assistance you can get by asking, "Which of these white shoes do you prefer?" (and it's December)

Good Point JP. At least it wasn't like the dreaded "Does this dress make me look fat?" kinda question.

Here's the URL for the sales page (still in progress).
Squeeze-Page-Mastery

Thanks again,

Charles

Looking it over ... but at first blush I would ask, why do you have THIS sentence up above the fold on your page?

Far as I could tell ... you hadn't mentioned price, right? Why justify then?

Tell you what -- just had a brainstorm...

What if you put up screen captures of two squeezes... with headline...

QUIZ: Can You Guess Which Of These Two Squeeze Pages Is Converting At 91.6%?

I'd build off that lead...

(heck you could use videos too talking about those two sites)

I think it would engage your reader, is more education than traditional pitchy hype, and would position you as an "expert" not a report seller.

You could explain the case studies of the two sites -- then go on to talk about site after site after site of yours ... how they perform.

I think PROOF ... and real world stuff is going to make this work for you.

Thanks JP! Oooo, much better flow.
Charles

Glad I could help.

I'll bet there are some copy hounds in here who can offer more than that -- surely?

Hey guys... ???? yooooo hoooo?

NOTE: If you're really pleased with what I offered, be sure to "rep" me ... click on the green box top right corner of this post.

I gotta find some way to catch up to Michel's Rep power of 10. LOL

"I'll bet there are some copy hounds in here who can offer more than that -- surely?"

I doubt it. "The Survey" is one of the best converting angles there are. Offering the answer after capturing the contact info is a huge success in many efforts I've seen. Over 50% in some cases. Maybe expand it into a quick quiz format.

(not Shirley)

Okay you have to get into your buyers shoes, to be honest I almost bought your product so your sales page can't be half bad. So I will tell you the things that didn't make me buy your product - which is probably the most valuable advice you will ever get.

The problem I have is - whats stopping me from just writing some good copy for the squeeze page and providing very valuable content for optin in - along with doing some scarcity ploys, ect. and sending some targeted traffic to my squeeze to push up the conversions?

Im just not sure if your product offers me anything that I dont know? Remember your sales page is all about one thing only... me! the prospect.

Also are these results typical? How do I know that I am going to get the same conversion rates as you if you have some sort of special system?

Is it easy to use? Is it cryptic and a pain in the ass to implement? How much work do I have to put in?

Why should I buy your product instead of someone elses squeeze page product? What makes yours better?

Overall I think you have a good sales letter that is just missing some important elements... for example... John Carlton would rip your head off if he saw this salespage because you have... no testimonials!!!

Social Proof is a BIG selling point. If you dont have any customers yet then throw around a few copies to your friends! Better yet look for some of the big guns on the forum and send them the product to see if you can squeeze a testimonial out of them.

Also - make a warrior forum or copywriters board special offer if you wanna get some early customer purchases to test your copy and to get some testimonials.

I should point out to you that when I first read your sales letter I assumed it was 14.95 not $10. And dont say $10 instead say $9.95. Put it somewhere I can read it and CLEARLY see that it is $9.95.

Now I assume you have an upsell? You'd be crazy to sell a $10 product without an upsell...

The other thing I dont see is a guarantee... so if I buy this product and it turns out to be crap - that means im out my hard earned dollars? (remember your prospects dont know who da f*ck you are - so they need insurance that they wont be ripped off to alleviate fears).

Anyways I think what makes this salespage strong is the fact that you have a good offer (products only $9.95) and... you have a good product.

Its as simple as that - attention getting headline + intresting teaser questionnaire + strong benefits + proof (you can never have enough) + good product + guarantee(you need one) +good offer + scarcity = good copy.

Although I dont really believe your scarcity ploy because you never provided me a reason why. Just telling me your 'web guy' I dont really believe it because you seem techy to me from your sales page. You should never ever lie to your prospects... especially of all not in the internet marketing market because we all have our B.S. detectors WAY high.

Even if you tell the truth but dont offer proof or make an unbelievable claim without warming up your prospect *even if you are telling the truth* (things like weightloss and internet marketing are especially susceptible to this) then you are going to lose sales.

People are highly skeptical, especially in internet marketing. So you need to alleviate that skepticism by offering proof. You have some good proof - but what you need is social proof and more reasons why.

Maximus,

Thank you sir, may I have another?

Seriously, thank you! As you said "So I will tell you the things that didn't make me buy your product - which is probably the most valuable advice you will ever get." You're absolutely right.

It's already in the wso stage - so hopefully, testimonials are not far behind.

I'm adding the missing elements in as I get them, so the page you'll view now is not exactly the same as when comments were made.

Charles