Do you ever just get freakin stuck....and can't get unstuck?

Well that's where I am, and if anybody could just take a quick peak and give me a swift kick in the right direction, I would be forever thankful and in your debt! I'll even bribe you with a free membership!

My business partner Keith Baxter and I are getting ready to launch a really cool membership site in a few days, and I am behind the proverbial 8 ball.

The site provides tons of killer collaboration tools for members to network, create mastermind groups, chat via audio/video, create audio/video postcards, create audio/video presentations, file sharing, video, audio and photo galleries, etc.....plus.....members can create their own blogs and websites within the site. Lots of cool 'tools'....

But the whole theme is the...."Stop trying to sit in your office behind your computer screen, and go it alone....relationships are the key to success"...idea.

Additionally, we've included lots of training and interviews with many of the big names in the industry, and will be adding much more every month.

And maybe even best of all is the biz op piece....a 2 tier 40/40 affiliate program paying recurring monthly revenue.

Well, all this is my problem!

I keep going back and forth on my "Attention" part....if I could just get out of the gates in the right direction, I'll be able to keep the train moving....starting with the headline, which sucks (even though Glyphius gives it a 385 ) and subhead.

Right now that's all I have up....we put in some fast start tips so we could get a few people in today to seed the site before launch day.

I have an entire wastebasket full of wadded up copy and I'm getting a fairly hefty lump on my noggin from beating my head against the wall.

If any of you copy Gods could take a peak, keeping in mind all the stuff I've thrown out about the site, and tell me what would grab your attention the most, and maybe then get you interested the most...man, I would appreciate it.

the site is Weapon of Mass Marketing

Thanks in advance!
Don

Is there a straight sales page on this? Or are you landing people on that main page?

We are landing them on this main page.

The copy will go where the fast start steps are now.

We are going to test a separate sales page later that drives them to the sign up.

Don

I prefer the three steps approach, see if you can't cut the number of steps in half. Some stuff is pretty trivial. You want to grease the skids with a few easy steps.

What's there doesn't seem like fast start steps.

The basic appeal is the million dollar Rolodex. Have you ever wondered how some people just catch all the breaks in life? They're not smarter than you are...blah blah.

Then you sell the "inner circle" that makes things work. Add your own expertise for making deals happen, shaken not stirred, reputation management system, and template agreements "we've done all the heavy lifting" and so on.

That's a mistake IMHO .... VS ... sending them to a sales page with ONE MWR.

Don,

I'm going to be straight with you. It's bad. Very bad. Not only do your graphics want to make me leave the page, but there is nothing interesting or compelling that would make me join your list.

Do yourself a favor and hire a copywriter. As it is, I would scrap the entire thing.

Sorry,
Rachel

Many thanks John!

Great advice....

Hey Rachel, how do you really feel about it?!

Thanks for your thoughts....

don't think I'll quite scrap it all however

Don

Hey Don,

I'll toss in some thoughts.

I agree with JP in that you really need a single letter. If I read you right, you're planning on testing that. Right now, I think the page is too busy. Adding a sales letter to that page as it is will kill your response, IMHO.

Couple of other thoughts. I'd look at narrowing that center graphic. It's pretty overwhelming and completely drowns out your headline...which I don't think is all that bad.

Finally, I would look at putting some really strong bullets right up top, under the headline, maybe instead of the subhead. I think a lot of people, Internet Marketers included, are still unsure what the heck web 2.0 is. Strong bullets about how web 2.0 properties included in the membership will help them, I think, will pull them in.

Hope that helps. Overall, I think it's a cool idea.

Much appreciated Chris...

Yes, it helps a great deal!

Don