I have completely revised the look, feel and copy on my sales letter type site. Can someone please advise on what they think of it? My aim is to put the product on ClickBank shortly.

Instant Computer Consultant

Thanks,

Jon

Hi Jon,

I'm not going to go too in-depth about the copy here. I just want to point out a few problems that would right away turn off your target.

The title itself is a little off beat. 'The Instant Computer Consultant' sounds like a computer training manual. And since that's the biggest thing you see on the page, it would probably get a lot of back clicks from guys (and gals) who would never even start reading the copy.

I also have to wonder if hyped-up copy is a good idea with your target. Something that sounds a bit more technical would probably draw more from them. Maybe some how add a touch of humor to the headline...but technical humor. Maybe a joke about Windows users paying big bucks for consultants - why should Gates get all the money?

And that brings me to your picture. The monkey at the table? Terrible.

I would try to get a freelance artist or designer make a nice little penguin doing something to insinuate that he's rich and taking it easy.

As a consultant myself and now doing some copywriting work - what would've worked for me as a headline is:

What top IT consultants do to earn BIG $$$... Revealed! Or some such thing... Also most of my IT buddies are looking for offsite work from home programming gigs, it appears to be a very big thing these days. I know I've been working out of my home office for 2 years and I love it.

Additionally, you are dealing with developers, your copy reads well but please remember what kind of buyer a geek is. This is the guy that does everything with logic, emotion is usually secondary, so convince me with an algorithm first.

Hope this helps.

Brendan Rehman
Newbie Copywriter
Author - How to Make Work Fun

Hi Jon,

Took a peep. Here's what I think. The graphic of the toy monkey needs to go. It really takes away from what should be a "professional" website.

Your headline doesn't do it for me personally either. I would substitute your existing prehead:

Highly paid consultant Reveals How to Turn Your Computer Skill Into Cash...

and turn that into your headline. It's more interesting and actually compels me to read further.

Your subhead is way too long. In fact, I would use your existing headline as your subhead. Try it and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

-- Rachel

Hey Jon,

I'll give you my two cents.

First of all, I think the layout looks clean and very professional. I agree with Rachel and Eric though -- the monkey's gotta go.

I don't think the headline is terrible, but I do think you could make it a lot stronger. It's seems to me to be off-center from the rest of your copy. Here's why: The people hitting your site are going to have one of two general mindsets:

1. They know a career as a computer consultant is lucrative, but don't know how to get started or make it work.

2. They really don't know anything about this career -- what you can make, the sort of lifestyle you can have, the benefits of the career, etc.

Now your headline seems to speak more to number 1 while your letter speaks more to number 2.

Make sense?

Also, if you're going after the number 2 crowd, I would spend a little more time in the opening paragraphs telling a story showing how wonderful this career is -- and how the reader can easily and quickly get started, yada yada...

And the last thing is you use the word "I" 216 times, "my" 95 times, and "you" 169 times. No, I didn't count! textalyser.net.

The reason I even ran your site through textalyser in the first place is that "I" was sticking out like a sore thumb to me.

Anyway, those are my initial thoughts. Hope it helps and good luck!

Thanks for all the excellent suggestions. I have made some modifications now.

Firstly, I changed the headline to Rachel's suggestion.

Secondly, I shortened the pre-headline lead in.

Thirdly, I got rid of the monkey image, although I'm still not happy just having a pile of cash up there.

Regarding my use of the word "I". I have read lots of copywriting stuff that says use "you" rather than "I" where you can. Is it slightly different if I am talking in a personal way and referring to my previous experience? Just wanted to get your opinions on this.

Now for the subheader...

"Discover The Step-by-Step System That Turned An Unqualified Debt Ridden Failure Into A World-Class Super-Successful Computer Consultant! Read Below For Juicy Details On How You Can Pick The Brains of This Money Making Genius."

I do feel as though it is not that easy to read. Any suggestions on pruning it so it reads a little better?

Thanks,

Jon

It's fine to tell a story about your own personal experience that led to the creation of this product - briefly. For the most part, though, your audience doesn't really care what you did with the information; they want to know what they can do with it.

It's called "What's In It For Me?"

Just as a small example, one of your bullets reads:

Change it around to better reflect the WIIFM factor with something along the lines of:

"Discover the secret to getting all the work you can handle in 6 weeks or less!"

It isn't about exchanging the word "I" for "you", but about creating benefits as opposed to features. Sure, you may have used the information to build a million-dollar empire; but your customers want to know what they can use it for.

Did that make any sense at all? It's late