Hi,

I've recently re-vamped one of my websites and turned it from a unfocused mini-site to a more targeted squeeze page.

Rather than just having one page with bullet points and an opt-in form (David DeAngelo style), I've decided to pad it out a little over two pages.

I'd appreciate it if you could take a look at this and let me know what you think.

Financial Freedom | Make Money Online

(link editted on 24th Nov - this is what the site used to look like)

This is what the site looks like now:

Financial Freedom | Make Money Online

(editted on 26th Nov)

Many thanks,
Tony

Hi Tony,

Just took a peep. A few things. First, your headline, while not bad, can be better. It really is trying to do two things at once - Achieve financial freedome and/or Make Money Online. While both are similar, it can get confusing for today's quick info seekers.

Here's what I suggest:

HEADLINE

"Make Money Online Now!"

SUBHEAD

"Dummies Guide to Financial Freedom Shows You How!"

Also, Stick to one color for your headline. Black or red should work for you. You've got way too much going on and it actually takes away from the headline itself.

About your picture ... change it.

-- Rachel

P.S. You might want to change the name of your e-book as well. Lose the term "financial freedom" and focus on something about making money onlne.

Hi Rachel,

Thanks for your feedback ... I really appreciate it.

You're absolutely right about the two subjects. In fact the site was a mini-site containing information on various topics from financial freedom, managing your finances, financial planning and ways on making money online.

I've tried to touch on a couple of those subjects on the homepage and got it mixed up a little...

I'll take on board what you've said and split the headline up plus change the colours. It's definitely worth testing.

I can also improve the bonus report - which is something I'm working on at the moment.

Thanks again for your help.

Tony

PS. What's wrong with the picture?

strip it down.... too many colors... too many fonts an it doesn't 'look' right.

put it in a 650 px table, 20 padding a 1 px border and put the image at the top.
that would work better for starters...

nobody wants to achieve 'financial freedom'. Nobody talks like that... thats maybe the an end result. what does the finacial freedom GIVE them? what does it solve? what problems will they not have anymore? what will this allow them to do?

you need to drill down into your prospect a bit more...

the bullets don't really wet my appetite... create more curiosity.

Hi Dave,
Thanks for taking the time to look at this for me.
I really appreciate your help

I've made a few cosmetic adjustments as recommended and I'm working on the rest of it ...

Here's the updated version of the site:

Financial Freedom | Make Money Online

Many thanks,
Tony

PS. I decided to lose the picture all together

I was going to tell you to lose the picture, too, but you've already done that.

Here's another thing I noticed: your sentences are waaay too long. Make them shorter. You may want to use bullets to make your points:

Are you. . .

• frustrated with your job?
• fed up with the daily commute to and from work?
• living paycheck to paycheck?
• busting your balls to make the boss rich?
• too stressed to enjoy life?

You need to put the reader into a personalized action setting. What will life be like after buying your product?

That's my quick critique. I hope this helps.

Deb

Hi Deb,
Thanks for the advice...
I'll try shortening the sentences as suggested (I'll test that out later).
Also, I've added a section at the bottom to re-affirm what life could be like.
Many thanks,
Tony