I have taken almost a year away from marketing and decided to give it another go. This is some copy I put together but it is not quite turning out the results I would like to see.

Could somebody please give me a quick critique? I really could use some advice.

A Console Gamers Little Black Book Of Dirty Secrets

Thanks In Advance

Fire Away

Wow. I haven't seen you in a long time. I don't have time to go through the copy right now because I'm pulling a late-nighter with my own work, but the layout is distracting. That black "top secret" design on the left and right really hits the eyes hard. I want to click away when I see that.

I wish I had time to do more, but I'll look at it again tomorrow. Welcome back!

Thanks for the warm welcome. I will have to make a point to hang out a little more. Just trying to make some cash while in between jobs / moving. Really hoping that everything takes off on this one though so I can do this full time. I have taken a fare share of falure and hits so I am just waiting for that one to really pay off. Have a good feeling that this one will work out.

Will look for a replacement for the background.

Sure it's secret.

Who cares?

And after reading the first half of the sales page I don't.

Here's why:

1. I have no idea what's in the book.
2. I want to play games (and have fun.) It doesn't look like your secrets will help me much with that.
3. You offer a 200% money back guarantee, but not an unconditional money back guarantee. I might get burned.
4. I only have a wii. I want to learn more about the wii, not all of those stupid other consoles. Except maybe the DS.
5. I don't really believe you that its secret.

A good salesletter should start with what the reader wants most. If I were you, I would segment the salesletter down to the console. And then offer to give the prospect a more powerful Wii than everyone else in their neighborhood, smoother running games, crazy-secret hacker-made games, and so on.

-->Make it extremely clear exactly who the book is for (be specific)
-->Make it extremely clear WHAT they're getting out of the book
-->Make it extremely clear that they CAN do the things described by the book. I'm worried that I'll buy the book, and get in way over my head.
-->Make you guarantee extremely clear, and extremely risk free. It sounds kind of weasely right now.

Keep working at it!

Bop

Thanks for the advice. I had a fellow marketer tell me that it really should be segmented by console. Not only the sales letter but make it several reports (one for each). I will have to start working at turning the book into 9 more detailed reports.

I may take a whole new approch with it all toghether. I have made some updates to the page so I guess I will see what happens.

All other suggestions will be appreciated. Even if you think it is minor the help will be appreciated.

Thanks

Has anyone tested using these kinds of background / text images. I'm sure I saw a post in here somewhere on it, but I can't find it.

LOL Thanks for the great response Subtle. I am always delighted to read your opinion. I was already leaning towards the idea of dumping the whole thing though. I am going to rewrite it as 8 seperate reports.

As for the copy I insist on writing it myself. How will spending $500 make me a better copywriter? I have been out of the game for some time but I will not be quiting anytime soon either.

Thanks for the advice. Really wish I could of seen what you where picturing in your head for that ebook cover and title though.

Terry,

spending $500 might not make you a better copywriter, but it might earn you a heck of a lot more money.

To be successful in the info-biz, you don't need to know how to write good copy. You just need to know what it is, and how to get it.

Learning how to write copy is a good way to learn how to identify good copy. But many top marketers/copywriters still hire other people to write copy for them.

And that's because good copy can make you money, whether you or someone else writes it.

Bop

That is very true Boplicity but I am also poor and could not afford the $500 at the moment. If I could I probably would just to get things done faster.