Sales letter for ebook about video marketing, please critique.

I am looking for feedback on this sales letter for my ebook on how to make videos and use them in marketing.
In case you are wondering why Youtube is not mentioned in the sales letter…Clickbank made us remove all references to Youtube in our sales letter and ebook, as Youtube is not supposed to be used for commercial purposes.

You’ll see that there is one testimonial. We have two more on the way. The people are still reading the ebook and will send their comments soon. In the meanwhile I wanted to use the time to fix up anything that needs fixing.

http://videomarketingsuccessbook.com/

Thanks so much,
Suzan

I didn't read the letter, but if this is about video why is the only video right at the bottom of the page?

Hi Suzan,

Just took a look. Here's what I think. First, the good news - your headline's not bad. It's not the best, but it's pretty good and should do OK for you.

The bad news is your subheads need a lot of work. And your video is pretty bad. What I expected to see was the author of the ebook telling me what's in it for me. Instead, there's static text that is completely uninteresting. I'd scrap this video and redo it. Make it personal and let me know the benefits of buying your ebook.

Plus, I agree with Kyle, the video should come after the first big block of text.

Also, your P.S's. are weak and need work. But, you do have a good headline and that's very important. Rework your subheads and video and this letter will be greatly improved.

P.S. You might want to lose the cheesy graphic at the top of your page as well.

-- Rachel

Rachel, you beat me to the post. I agree. The subheads need work. And Kyle is right on about the video. If you're promoting video, get my attention with it right away with it. Don't tell. SHOW.

I learned a very valuable lesson about copywriting quite awhile back. Be authentic. When I tried to emulate others, my writing fell flat. When I put my own voice behind the product, it made a world of difference. Start with freewriting. What did you say to your family and friends about this product? Write with the same passion you had when you first told a friend about it. Once you get the passion in the copy, then work on the format.

Next, I want to know, "What's in it for me?" How is this going to help my business? Will it improve my ROI? If so, how much? I don't part with my money easily. There are a gazillion other people on the net trying to take my money out of my pocket. What makes your product different? Why should I buy from you instead of some other Joe? That's where you need to go with this.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

I didn't look at the video before I posted that last response. In all honesty and kindness, you need to know something: The video you posted will actually hurt your sales of this product. You need something compelling. The quality of the video is bad. I don't like to rain on anyone's parade, but if I had questions about whether to buy this product or not, once I clicked on the video the answer was clear to me. No. I'd kill this page and rework it.

This sales letter is suffering from several problems:

1. It is not targeted at any specific niche market. Its trying to sell to everyone. When the reader asks "is this for me" the likely conclusion they'll come to is...'probably not.' However, if your headline yelled "non-fiction book authors: how to use VIRAL VIDEO to skyrocket your book to the top of the best-sellers list" -- well, if I was a non-fiction book author, that would grab my attention. The lesson: You're much better off picking a specific market than a general one. Your selling job will be MUCH easier.

2. The sales letter does not demonstrate the powerful benefits that viral video can provide. Why not talk about the amazing successes that people have had with viral videos...how they've generated tens-of-thousands of dollars in revenue, put their message in front of millions of eyeballs, and found fame, glory, and fortune with the completely free and EASY medium of viral videos? Your prospect is asking "What's in it for me?" Your sales letter needs answer that question in explicit detail.

3. You also need compelling proof of the power of viral video...and proof that it will be easy for your prospect to achieve those same results. A huge percentage of people don't buy because they don't believe the claims you make. Another huge percentage don't buy because they think they just can't do it...even if they believe it is possible. You have to prove that it is both possible and easy for them to achieve the results you are selling.

4. You need a compelling offer. A powerful list of benefits coupled with a powerful and SPECIAL reason to buy right now. Not just 'the book is now available' but "if you buy right now you will also get these special 7 bonuses, plus a free teleconference, and a strategy consulting sesson...but due to time constraints I am only able to give the consulting session to the next 7 people who order right now. So hurry up and order before you miss out on the free bonuses."

I want to thank everyone who has commented up till now. Rachel, Deb, Mr. Kyle and boblicity: thank you for taking the time to read and critique my salesletter. I really appreciate the generous professional time and effort people on this forum give. And the advice is very specific and helpful; so I am not left wondering what to fix.

I'm feeling a bit overwelmed right now as a student still in the early stages of learning copywriting and wanting to incorporate these important points. But hey... that's my problem and is no reflection on the folks that honestly told me what they think. I believe that the way to learn is to jump into the fray and learn by doing.
Perhaps somone has a suggestion of how to tackle subheadings. I feel like I don't really have a handle on them. I've read Sugarman who says it doesn't matter what the subheadlines say as long as they make the reader read, and Bly who says the reader should be able to understand the sales letter from skimming it and just reading the subheadlines.
Thanks again everyone!
Suzan

Hi Suzan,

There are a couple of suggestions I'd make in addition to what's already been offered:

1. You need to target your reader a little better up front and zero in on a problem or problems they have that videos will solve. I think you need to go a little deeper that just "get it before your competition does." Right now, you're giving your reader too many chances to say, "so what." And you never want that.

2. Your bullets are all features and no benefits. It's hard to get excited about "How your clipboard can save you time".

3. This is a little tougher, but there's no real flow to the letter. I'd suggest reading some good letters online and model the flow. There needs to be a rhythm, a cadence, to your letter that emotionally leads your reader where you want them to go.

For instance:

*start the letter by asking questions that define the problem. Like "Dear Marketer, Are you sick and tired of nothing but trickling traffic from search engines? Are you tee'd off at being Slammed by Google? Is tedious social bookmarking giving you a nervous tick?" Beat that for a minute, then

*tell them there is a better way...da da daaaa...videos!

*But there's a problem with videos, right? It takes a professional, expensive equipment, technical know-how, etc.

*Well, not if you buy this ebook. It'll turn any rookie filmmaker into a "Marketing Spielberg" overnight. Here's how... yada yada. (Awesome benefit bullets)

*Don't take my word (testimonials)

*Here's how you get it (offer). But you've gotta act now (urgency).

*The field is wide open...grab it while it's hot!

See what I mean?

Oh, and I don't think your video is all that bad. I see what you're trying to do. Proving traffic totals is important. But I don't think the bottom of your letter is the best place for it. At this point, 99% of your readers will never get that far.

Hope this helps.

There it is. Readers should be able to scan your sales letter and glean the benefits off the subheads.

Then when their eyes hit one they like, they stop and read. Hopefully, all your subheads can do this.

Suzan,

Here is the advice: Go to Bottom Line Secrets... from Bottom Line Publications And order TODAY,

BREAKTHROUGH ADVERTISING by Eugene Schwartz (You can search the Net to try to find it cheaper, good luck)... but if you are serious about your copywriting skills, it simply is a MUST have book.

When it arrives, turn to page 216-217 and read that ad.

THEN, go back to the start of that chapter, 14, The Final Touches, and then read that chapter first. Grab a highlighter, start in the beginning and don't come out of your room until you have read it cover to cover.

Put it down for a couple of days...then repeat the process. This "education" will cost about 100 dollars, a few hours of time spread out over a week...

then once you've read it 3 times and studied those examples...THEN you find other web sites in your niche...try to find the high ranking ones...

And then APPLY your newfound knowledge on SUB Heads and advertising in general. I assure you, this week of time and a little amount of money will be worth more to you (financially)...QUICKER than if you had to take a course or attend a seminar or workshop.

Schwartz was the MASTER of Subheads...and he wrote a pretty dang decent headline too

Good luck.

gjabiz