I'm writing a copy for a massage therapist. Unfortunately, she decided she couldn't tell me how unique her service is - she doesn't know. Care and personal attention is all she could think of but I believe that that's quite typical for this kind of business anyway. I tried to explain that if we just put the general benefits of massage she'll be paying for promoting the competition as well. She finds it hard to describe why clients should choose her, many business owners have a problem with their USP. She tries to get attention by lowering the price - it works, anyway.
I'm not happy with the copy I wrote, any ideas? Need help and thank you.
{headline}
Relax and give yourself a pain-free holiday.

{main copy}
Lie back and relax while your whole body is relieved of stress and tension, creating a sense of well being and inner peace.

Massage therapy assists in the relief of aches, pains, blockages and muscle tension.

It’s great for the lymphatic system, promoting detoxification and encourages the body to self heal.

Make massage a highlight of your week.

{special offer}
buy 1 hour massage for $55
Call today – offer expires 30 January 2008
{end of special offer}


Gift vouchers and health fund rebates available.

{contact information}
Grazina

PS
Here's last month copy:


{headline}
Tired of back pain and headaches?
Feeling stressed?

{main copy}
New study shows that 54% of healthcare providers encourage their patients to use massage therapy.

• It improves blood circulation, which aids in recovery of muscle soreness from physical activity, mental stress and fatigue

· relaxes muscles, lessens back pain, depression and anxiety, and improves sleep
·
leads to increased endorphin levels, which is very effective in managing chronic pain.


{special offer}
buy 1 hour massage and get ½ hour massage for free or
buy 1 hour massage and get 1 hour massage for half price
Relax and give yourself a pain-free Christmas.
Call today – offer expires ……………………
{end of special offer}


Gift vouchers and health fund rebates available.

{contact information}

I might be able to help if you said what this copy will be used for. Brochure? Website? Something else?

What this probably requires is for you to take the lead and develop a USP for the client.

I somewhat agree with you, it's too general. This isn't copy about a product, it's about a topic.

You're going to have to develop the marketing before you write the copy. This is rather like the contractor who is hired to put in a porch and finds termites.

Keep one thing in mind, pretty close to nobody needs a copywriter to announce the business is slashing their prices.

• Concentrate on service: massage for Pain, Stress, Injury, Disease
• Concentrate on target: Athletes, business people, vacationers
• Concentrate on process: Special Equipment, Special training, Special philosophy.

For example, most massage may be done in silence. Perhaps this person has the gift of gab, and talks to people -- puts them at ease. Or your choice of music. Focus it as a "mental massage" to relax the mind and not just massage the body.

This is really something to be done during the client meeting.

Related:

Are You Making This Deadly Massage Marketing Mistake

This might be a great opportunity for folks to "reward themselves for the holidays".

If you want to leave the holidays out of it, you could always go with "reward yourself for bustin' your hump all year long... you deserve it!"

Better yet... make it a "great gift idea for that special someone you love."

Last year I had to buy that "one last gift" for my wife and I couldn't think of anything else (I had already bought her jewelry and other of the feminine stuff they all love), so I got her something "special"...

Decided to give her something she would love... a massage at a luxury spa in our area.

I think, to some women, a massage is the next best thing to good sex.

If it were any other time of the year, I would go with an approach of ...

"massage is one of the greatest secrets why some people are healthier, look younger, feel more vibrant and alert... blah,blah, blah".

Just my opinion here... I don't know anything about this field, but it seems that you have to go beyond basics to get people to spend money on something that they don't actually "need" to survive...

You're not just selling a massage, you're selling the sensations, the relaxation, the feelings you get from a good massage... you're selling ecstasy.

Just imagine what the reciever will think when they find out you bought them "pleasure" instead of the same ol' bath oils or cologne they get every year... boring!

Just think about how you will be talked about when she (or he) brags to their friends!

By the way... if this copy is done right, your client shouldn't have to lower her price... hell, she may want to raise it a bit just because of the perceived value it will give her customers.

Just my two cents.

Thanks so much, great ideas that I can use straight away! Rachel, the copy is for an ad in a glossy social/shopping/dining out magazine in a posh - upmarket -part of Brisbane, Queensland, Australia.

Thanks for a link, John, good to know about people who are experts in a narrow area, they usually know more than people who do everything. I found a few things that made me think in his article, too.

Stephen, the only problem with my client is that she is careful - actually: paranoid, about saying anything that would connect her service with pleasure! Now, we talked about it, you know, relax, get rid of stress... and I asked her: what do your clients say when they leave the room? What do they feel? She has some good quotes: "I can't believe I'm not in pain anymore" - that's not bad, I was thinking of using it in my headline; "This is a highlight of my week", "I can't remember feeling that relaxed"... so from this she went to ..."what feeling? bliss... pleasure... peace of mind..." and a few more bur they all sounde new-ageish or suggested a bit more than a massage. Here in Australia many sex workers promote their businesses as "relaxing massage" and she doesn't want that kind of connotation...

I tried to explain to her that some people will have dirty minds no matter what you put there, but it's her business so her choice. Pity, I agree with you, I'd put pleasure, we all need it don't we?

By the way, how careful do we copywriters have to be choosing words? There's this life coach, specializing in relationships, started a new newsletter and wanted to call it "Pleasure Connect". I like the name, and so did some people; but hey, other raised hell! Here are a couple of comments:
"it is unfortunate symptoms of our times that we have to stop using words like 'pleasure' because of the connotations that they draw"
"Unfortunately the word 'pleasure' is associated also with 'guilt or guilty'"
"I personally don't have a problem with the word but, yes, it certainly has a sexual undertone to it. Think like...cheap adult rental movies..."
"I would also stay away from the word Joyful (The Joy of Sex comes to mind)"
"I was definetely suspicious and ALMOST felt to cancel without even reading the first issue. I immediately felt that it was something I couldn't share with a lot of other people because of the title"
Some people accused him of offering p*orn!
Because of the word pleasure. I think it's sick, but if we have audience like that what do we do? "joyful" a dirty word?

thanks again, you're so good and so friendly that I may ask for help with a brochure as well.
I hope that I'll be able to return the favour and help you, too. First I have to write my profile to let you know what I'm passionate about and good at.

GA

Grazina,
Good points about the massage/sex relationship.

See... I told you I didn't know this particular business very well.

I imagine that over the years massage places have gotten a bad rap do to massage "parlors" being known as hooker havens.

I would still exploit the holidays as a reason for purchase though. Just remember, there are hundreds of guys in your area that suck at buying gifts for their loved one (you're looking at one).

If I were your client, I would create a campaign targeting just these folks.

I wish you the best!

Not sure how much help this will be, not knowing what your proximity to your client's location is. But if your client is unable to give you a specific USP, perhaps you should indulge in a massage yourself, just to see what jumps out at you about the service.

Sometimes the only way to find that "one thing" that stands out about a client's business, is to put them to the test yourself.

Plus, you'll get the added benefit of a relaxing and (dare I say it?) pleasurable massage. Who knows? She may even throw it in for free

Hope that helps a bit.

I think you definitely need to try working on a USP for her business.

Any chance you can let us know what kind of results it generates?