I guess we can consider this a rough draft that probably needs a bit of revising. I think it is a pretty solid foundation though. I have 3 ideas that I can already see that need to be implemented based on what I have already been reading here on Copywriters Board. They are:

1) Needs testimonials

2) Need to create some bonuses

3) Need to offer more proof

Now I know that sounds like I've already critiqued myself, but I'm hoping you guys can offer more insights and some ideas about how to possibly do those 3 things. I just finished this sales letter and made it live earlier today, so I have no idea about what my conversion rate is yet or anything.

Thanks in advance for any critiques or criticisms. You guys are great!

Here is the sales copy right here.

I have a problem with the salutation: Dear Fellow Smoker,

This implies that the writer of the letter is a current smoker... and I'm not going to take advice from anybody who hasn't already quit successfully.

Good point, Jim. Thanks for pointing it out. I went ahead and changed it to just "Dear smoker," although that doesn't sound real great either.

Oh well. Thanks for the quick feedback anyway.

P.S. I did quit smoking a little over 2 years ago and haven't had a single puff since then....

Hello Skinnyninja,

I like your headline. I would keep that. But ... the rest of your copy needs work. The good news is the headline is the most important part of your letter.

You're selling an e-book right? Yet I see no info at all on length or content. Sell the ebook contents.

I would also change your subheads to something like "New E-book shows you how to..." You get the idea.

-- Rachel

Rachel, I really appreciate your input. So much so that I made several changes to the sales copy. There is a couple of new paragraphs at the end that go into some detail about the content of the eBook and give some specific examples.

Thank you so much Rachel! I'm sure it helped.

Sometimes I wonder if "Dear (anything) still works as it has in the past... haven't seen any test results on this lately.

Since you are testing though, why not put "Dear Smoker" against "Dear Future Non-Smoker"... love to see the results.

Thanks Stephen.

No split testing here.... I just went ahead and implemented your great idea. Thanks a bunch!

I tested this about a month ago and and the "Dear" lost.

Haven't go the results handy but I know keeping the "Dear" lowered both time on page & return visitors (and therefore lowered conversions)

Thanks Kyle,
Maybe it's because I'm too close to the forest, but using Dear (anything) tells me to beware... "it's gonna be a pitch of some sort... it's gonna be a freakin' sales letter".

Old copywriters will tell you to speak as though you're speaking to a friend... when is the last time you started a letter with "Dear friend"?

Oh yeah... I'm going to Hell for saying this on a copywriter's board.

Please, only velcro-tipped darts are allowed.

Okay, here goes...

First - I would take the "You Can" out of the headline, and just go with "Quit Smoking And Achieve Complete Freedom From Nicotine Addiction"

Second - Change subhead to something along the lines of "A real smoking cessation strategy that really works!"

Third - You've done a wonderful job of keeping your copy WIIFM oriented, but I think that you should put more emphasis on the fact that this is a plan you personally tried and succeeded with somewhere in your copy. Perhaps a story intro about your own trouble with cessation.

Fourth - About 2/3 of the way down the page, you have the sentence "I could never quit successfully because I could never make it through the initial withdrawal. " Just my opinion, but this reads rather awkwardly in relation to the rest of the copy. Not to mention the fact that, again, it makes it sound as though you still have not quit.

I'd try to reword it along the lines of "Until I found this real cessation strategy, it was impossible for me to make it past the initial withdrawal symptoms of quitting."

Fifth, and again, this is just my honest opinion - The copy reads to me a bit chaotic; as though it is a lot of random thoughts about the same subject all placed on the same page. That isn't to say that the copy is bad, or anything like that. Only that you may want to consider reworking it so that it flows a bit more smoothly.

Create a section that focuses specifically on the financial benefits of quitting. Another that stresses the health benefits. And so on, and so forth.

The way it currently reads, it is hard to follow each of these points, as they are all just sort of clumped together. Giving each set of benefits its own subsection in the letter, IMHO, will make the entire letter flow better.

I'd also recommend breaking your paragraphs apart a bit more. One or two sentences apiece. Instead of the three and four they are now.

And... last, but not least... you need a stronger call to action at the end.

Okay, you can throw something at me now Hope that helps a bit