Etymotic er6i earphone copy targeted at affluent sport bike riders

RJ Purvis

Hey Folks,

I normally don't post items for critique here as I usually run out of time but this time, I'd like to get your feedback on a project I am working on for myself.

To set the stage: I am a sport bike rider - I do a lot of trips on the summer, racking up thousands of miles each season. To make trips more interesting, I have rigged my little 600 so that I can use my IPOD - the problem is finding a set of earphones that work on a bike when you're doing over 60 miles an hour, comfortably and with great sound. The majority of sport riders want this - and it just so happens I found a set of earphones that do the job - so I have the ability to sell them now and will be offering them exclusively to sport riders using the sales letter below.

This letter or some variation of it will be set up on a website.

I'm not looking for graphic comments at this point - I'll got to Subtle for that - just copy flow etc:

They’re gremlins in disguise. Your engine: it may be swallowing your mid-range. Your helmet liner: it could be devouring your bass. The wind: it surely is preying on the high-end.

But now, you can transform your motorcycle helmet from a sonic chamber of horrors to an almost acoustically perfect concert hall – even at 60 miles an hour.

Read on to experience the same audio secret many sport touring fanatics have already discovered.

By Ron Purvis
Calgary, Alberta, Canada
November 6, 2007

Dear Sport Touring Fanatic,

It’s scary. If you’re like me, you’ve spent hundreds, maybe even thousands of dollars on Ipod’s or mp3 players and accessories for sport touring.

But frankly, you’re probably only hearing 30% to 40% of the awesome high fidelity sound your player can deliver.

Sure, you’ve got a great player. But, the problem probably isn’t your player at all.

It’s your helmet and your earphones.

Even a premium quality motorcycle helmet like an Arai can be notorious for wind and engine noise.

And most earphones on the market are too bulky to wear comfortably and use safely with your helmet on. And they simply don’t isolate the sound well enough to make listening enjoyable, especially when you’re at speed.

In fact, unless you’ve got some kind of specially designed helmet, your music will always be at the mercy of the wind and the engine.

Until now.

Home Theater Audio, In Your Helmet

Put on your helmet. Get on the road. Touch a button. And, get ready to infuse your motorcycle helmet with brilliant, new high fidelity life!

Imagine the rollicking blues hits of Stevie Ray Vaughan and his brilliant guitar work resonating through your helmet as your weave your way through interstate traffic on a hot summer day.

Imagine the mysteriousness and compelling vocals of Big Log by Robert Plant, as you come over the horizon to experience one of the most beautiful sunsets you’ve ever seen.

And, imagine the pseudo operatic sound of Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody reverberating through the auditorium of your mind as you effortlessly flick your bike from one twisty to the next.

Take a second to imagine that.

You WILL experience the world’s hottest sport touring roads in a whole new way. I guarantee it.

That’s what the Etymotic Research er6i Isolator Earphones can do for you on your next road trip. The instant I connected the er6i’s to my Ipod and put my helmet on, I was stunned by my Ipod’s new audiophile brilliance.

Best of all, with the replaceable filters (located just underneath the er6i ear tips) designed to smooth the frequency response of each earbud, you can annihilate virtually every sound gremlin in your helmet.

So you can enjoy your favorite music with surprisingly distinct bass, midrange and high-end response.

So you can squeeze every subtle nuance and thunderous chord from all your favorite tracks.

So you can convert any premium quality motorcycle helmet from a sonic chamber of horrors into an almost acoustically perfect “concert hall”, even at 60 miles an hour!

Hostile Environment Tamer

The Etymotic er6i Isolator Earphones are perfect for sport touring. Why?

I’ve already mentioned the great sound. But there’s more.

When you properly insert them in your ear, which is quite simple, they seal like a normal earplug.

So, before you hit the play button and turn up the volume, the er6i’s offer up excellent insulation from excessive outside (otherwise known as ambient) noise.

Instantly, you’ll destroy your helmet’s sound swallowing demons to maximize your listening experience and isolate the sound of your favorite tracks. The er6i’s block out about 42dbs of ambient noise so you hear less of the engine and wind, and more of the music.

Bottom line? This is as close to listening to your home theater system as you can get on a motorcycle!

They sound closer to reality than any other set of earphones of their caliber. And, you can listen to the er6i’s at normal and not dangerously loud levels, so you can protect your eardrums.

These earphones are so good, the clarity so fine, they WILL reveal layers of your favorite music you’ve never heard before with the amount of bass and treble that the musician intended!

End Numb Ears Forever

Look, the premium quality sound is one thing. The ambient noise cancelling feature is another. But there’s even more.

You can ride for hours listening to these earphones and not even know you have them in! I don’t remember EVER experiencing any kind of fatigue, irritation or discomfort with the er6i’s while wearing a helmet. And I’ve tested them in all sorts of hard core riding conditions.

No other earphone I have tried has come close to being this comfortable.

When you insert them properly, and you slide your helmet on, they shouldn’t move. If they do, they aren’t inserted properly.

The er6i’s should sit comfortably in your ear with your helmet on, and give you the same rich, clear sound you would get as if you were sitting in your own living room.

Durable and Safe – Perfect For Hard Core Sport Touring

A friend of mine has used his er6i’s for two full riding seasons. I’ve had mine for one season and really put them through their paces. If you’re like me, your bike and all your accessories take a pretty good beating the more miles you do.

I have proven that the er6i’s can handle almost anything I can throw at them.

Competitive earphones simply don’t hold up. I’ve wrecked more after market earphones during trips than I care to remember. But not the er6i’s.

Just be sure to keep them dry, and when removing them from your ear, make sure you pull on the earbud itself, and not the cord. Do that, and the er6i’s will never let you down!

Escape To Sport Touring Paradise - Risk Free

To get your own set of Etymotic er6i Isolator Earphones in time for your next big road trip, press the button below and for only $XXX.XX plus shipping handling, you’ll receive:

One pair of the ultra-compact, light weight and durable Etymotic er6i Isolator Earphones, with home theater quality sound you will never forget…

A 5 foot cord with a 3.5 mm stereo plug designed for use with IPOD or any other mp3 player – it’s light and extremely durable, and it’s lots of cord for positioning your IPOD or other player in your tank bag or stem stand, or however you choose…

One set of 3-flange ear tips, and one set of foam ear tips to ensure a proper fit for virtually any ear (and you can also order a variety of ear tips and sizes to suit your needs). Either type of ear tip will work to properly seal and almost completely eliminate excessive wind and engine noise…

A handy shirt/jacket clip for ensuring your earphones are even more secure at high speed…

Two replacement filters that help smooth out the frequency response and prevent ear wax from entering the earphones, plus a tool you can use to replace them….

Plus, the first 50 sport touring fanatics to respond to this offer will receive an information packed Special Report entitled: “Sport Touring Secrets Revealed” (valued at over $30)…where I reveal insider secrets to sport touring that you won’t find anywhere else including how to set up your sound and radar detection systems for maximum performance and protection, how to reduce your sport touring costs to almost nothing and how to turn your sport touring addiction into a profitable small business and much, much more!

Our completely risk and hassle free 1-year guarantee so that if you are not 100% satisfied with your new er6i’s and their performance, you have one year to return them for a full, prompt and courteous refund. No questions asked. And you can keep the Special Report. That’s how confident I am that you will be completely happy with your new er6i’s!

So, before you take that next road trip, make sure you get your own set of Etymotic er6i Isolator Earphones by ordering them today. Be one of the first 50 sport riders to respond to this offer, and in addition to your new set of er6i’s I’ll throw in the highly informative Special Report entitled “Sport Touring Secrets Revealed”, a $30 value, which you can keep even if you decide to return the earphones!

Ride Safe!

Ron Purvis

P.S. One last thing before I go. I can’t stress enough how risk free this offer is. Remember, you have one full year to use the Etymotic er6i Isolator Earphones. If at any time during that year they do not meet your expectations or they do not perform as I promised, then send them back and you’ll receive a full, prompt and courteous refund of your purchase price! You won’t find this guarantee anywhere else on the web or in stores. You simply can’t lose!

Rachel Irwin

Hi Ron,

Just took a brief look.

I would get rid of your subheads (as they are now) and shorten your headline to this:

"Transform your motorcycle helmet into an acoustically perfect concert hall – even at 60 miles an hour!"

-- Rachel

RJ Purvis

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rachel Irwin

Hi Ron,

Just took a brief look.

I would get rid of your subheads (as they are now) and shorten your headline to this:

"Transform your motorcycle helmet into an acoustically perfect concert hall – even at 60 miles an hour!"

-- Rachel

Hey Rachel,

THanks for the feedback. Basically, the sub heads are there as this may be used as a Sugarman type space ad. Also, trying to maintain a double readership with those but will definitely test without them.

Also, I like the shorter headline you suggested - however, if you've ever ridden a sport bike like this, the idea of the "chamber of horrors" is pretty accurate and something most if not all sport riders can relate to - however, of course I will test it with the longer headline vs. the shorter.

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to look at it. I see there are a few things I need to fix that seemed out of place after taking a day to let it simmer.

Cheers,

RJ

Stephen Davies

RJ,
One of the concerns I had reading through the copy is that you mention specific songs and artists.

Here's the part I'm speaking of:

Quote:

Imagine the rollicking blues hits of Stevie Ray Vaughan and his brilliant guitar work resonating through your helmet as your weave your way through interstate traffic on a hot summer day.

Imagine the mysteriousness and compelling vocals of Big Log by Robert Plant, as you come over the horizon to experience one of the most beautiful sunsets you’ve ever seen.

And, imagine the pseudo operatic sound of Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody reverberating through the auditorium of your mind as you effortlessly flick your bike from one twisty to the next.

I actually love all three artists, but do you know for certain that your audience appreciates them as well.

If you're not careful, this could cause your reader to become "disconnected" with you.

I believe it's very important to build rapport with your reader. The statement above may have an reverse effect and cause them confusion.

If I were more into Snoop Dog or Eminem and not into classic rock, there's a good chance I would click away if I've never heard of Stevie Ray, Plant, or Queen.

Just my opinion, but I would probably be a bit less specific when it came to this writing this section.

Of course, if you are targeting this specific group of people, then you're fine... If not make it a bit more generic.

Imagine the exhilaration you get as you fly down the road. Now imagine listening to your favorite music. It doesn't matter whether you're in heavy traffic or on a country road. It also doesn't matter whether you have straight pipes or if you're driving on gravel. The only sound you'll hear at sixty miles per hour is the sound of your favorite tunes... nothing more, nothing less.

or you could try this variation...

Imagine the harmony and exhilaration of riding your bike on a nice sunny day. Now also imagine listening to your favorite music while cruisin down the road. It doesn't matter whether you're into classic rock, Jazz, Hip Hop, or Beethoven... The only sound you'll hear using the patented Etymotic System at sixty miles per hour is your favorite tunes... nothing more, nothing less.

There's nothing else like it.

Something you might want to look at in way of swipes is the Bose System... they have a way of using just the right words for this type of product.

Hope some of this feedback helps.

RJ Purvis

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stephen Davies

RJ,
One of the concerns I had reading through the copy is that you mention specific songs and artists.

Here's the part I'm speaking of:

I actually love all three artists, but do you know for certain that your audience appreciates them as well.

If you're not careful, this could cause your reader to become "disconnected" with you.

I believe it's very important to build rapport with your reader. The statement above may have an reverse effect and cause them confusion.

If I were more into Snoop Dog or Eminem and not into classic rock, there's a good chance I would click away if I've never heard of Stevie Ray, Plant, or Queen.

Just my opinion, but I would probably be a bit less specific when it came to this writing this section.

Of course, if you are targeting this specific group of people, then you're fine... If not make it a bit more generic.

Imagine the exhilaration you get as you fly down the road. Now imagine listening to your favorite music. It doesn't matter whether you're in heavy traffic or on a country road. It also doesn't matter whether you have straight pipes or if you're driving on gravel. The only sound you'll hear at sixty miles per hour is the sound of your favorite tunes... nothing more, nothing less.

or you could try this variation...

Imagine the harmony and exhilaration of riding your bike on a nice sunny day. Now also imagine listening to your favorite music while cruisin down the road. It doesn't matter whether you're into classic rock, Jazz, Hip Hop, or Beethoven... The only sound you'll hear using the patented Etymotic System at sixty miles per hour is your favorite tunes... nothing more, nothing less.

There's nothing else like it.

Something you might want to look at in way of swipes is the Bose System... they have a way of using just the right words for this type of product.

Hope some of this feedback helps.

You raise a very good point. And I like what you did with that paragraph. Very good. You captured what I was trying to capture without taking that risk of alienating someone in my target group.

Thanks - I am going to make that change.

RJ