Hi all
Im looking for some of you all to tell if my home page reads well and if it is appealing to people who will need my services. Ive been reading for years about how to write good copy but writing for the web is obviously a totally different matter as people are not readers they are scanners and make decisions differently.

Any wasy I do try to get my point across as quickly as possible and when writing the home page copy for my clients i do seem to get to the point quickly and miss out all the crap

my website:

Web Designers Dundee Tayside - Barry's Web Design

Let's start by saying it isn't that bad. The Q & A device to introduce your "elevator pitch" is not bad.

Take the elevator pitch itself:

"I have a proven reputation for designing websites for small businesses and taking them to the top-end of the major search engines, while producing affordable effective website designs that the small business owner will really benefit from."

• proven reputation ...claim without proof
  
• top-end of the major search engines ...pseudo promise that sounds good without guarantee or any specific result
  
• affordable effective ...no context

People like to say they cut to the point. What's the point of making unsubstantiated claims similar to every single web design firm out there? Is there any competitor who, for instance, boast they drop your site right to the bottom of SERPs?

It seems like the copy is saying something, but everything here is what I call "sweet nothings." Getting to the top end of search engines could mean the top 400,000 results for a popular term. It sounds good but promises exactly nothing.

What's worse is I can't distinguish any difference between Eazy Site, Eazy Brochure, or even Eazy Commerce. Really, they're the same things stated three different ways. Just on the basis of information value, the descriptions don't tell the reader a single thing.

What would actually get to the point? Change your generic boilerplate elevator pitch to a unique selling proposition. Offer a guarantee which stands behind your claim. Instead of sweet nothings, actually do get to the point. Explain some benefits. Develop some differentiation.

One way to do that is with a side-by-side checklist. The checklist for Basecamp actually cuts out the nonsense and gets to the point.

Dump the pointless thumbnails with cute animated effects. Develop detailed case histories which explain your designs are "effective." Don't just throw the word effective into a boilerplate sentence -- prove it.

It's all well and good to say you get to the point. This site doesn't. Customers want to know what differentiates you from competitors, this site serves up the same trite boilerplate you could find in any template. That's not a USP, or differentiation -- that's camouflage.

When you can buy a template at from $25 to zero you'll have to do a lot better.

thanks for the reply .. and yes you are correct.

I will add links to the search engine positions of the sites i have made that will prove the points im trying to make ..

Get info about my Eazy Site items too .. Do you then think it would be better to add a demo that show the 3 packages?

I do see now what you are saying about claiming without proof .. i do read other websites copy every day so maybe i have been caught in a trap of reading and just saying what every other punter has to say !!

Im going to do it right now so ill be expecting more advice from you again hopefuly today iof you dont mind!

Thanks again .. im glad to get some real advice instead of peopl ejust saying "yes thats ok"

I dont want ok i want real advice !!!

It is hard to see the status quo and say to yourself 'okay' is no where near good enough.

Again, what I think I'm seeing is "how can I put in a bit of cute code that proves my coding skill?" Test anything you can think of, but try a simple checklist like the one I just explained you should use and provided a link to.

If you're going to do a demo or try something cute, it's tricky but can get you noticed. Again, it's less about code than content. Check out this explanation of the web development process.

Something with a little personality will get you further than anything but the most clever code.

Couple of things...

1. I gotta believe there are stronger USPs (and headlines) you could use than, "Making Websites Eazy" and "affordable website solutions for the small business"

anyone (and probably almost everyone) is saying that...

Think about what you offer the market that they can get elsewhere -- that's important to them ... important enough to compel them to action.

2. It looks like you've optimized your copy for SEO ie: "Small Business Web Designers UK" -- which SUCKS if you're trying to sell off the page ... so I would look for ways to do your SEO elsewhere ... and use your main home page (if that's what you're advertising offline, business card, etc) to SELL ... at least sell a specific action.

which leads me to...

3. Your "Most Wanted Response" -- what do you want them to do?

is this it:

Feel free to contact me today for more information about any of my small business website design services on 0845 257 4896 (local Rate)

if it is... there are probably better ways to do it.

You need to develop a strategic sales process that creates a response and gets you on the phone. But there are better ways to do it than just saying, "call me"

You could offer a report that positionings you...
You could offer a "FREE" SEO Analysis of their existing website...
You could offer a "FREE 21-Point Website Critique"

all sorts of things...

Make sure they're real value!
Express and articulate that value!
Make it easy to respond!
Use the right questions to prequalify people!
Create a funnel that puts you on the phone with ONLY the most qualified prospects...

Hope that helps -- at least getting you to the next step.

Yes your advice really does help me out.. i did have for a good while a "Call me back" form .... but no one seemed to sue it .. maybe it wasnt specific enough and people didn't want a generalized chat about there needs... I will try to funnel people into a certain action by adding specific calls to action on the site as a whole .. Hope it works .. ive been reading a book an copy writing but obviously expert opinions are hard to take from the pages of a book that is about the subject as a whole and not really about online copy...

I am trying and i know i will succeed with the copy of my site with advice from people like your self

thanks again and ill be back soon

I should have joined this forum years ago!!

Sure... great!

One thing: Once you develop this "offer" -- and CTA you can let JV or alliance partners offer this. Especially if you attach REAL value.

17-Point Website Critique $297 value
let JV partners give it away FREE to their clients
but only to the first 10 who respond or whatever

Then you give them a revenue share on sales you close.