[RussReynolds]

Which is exactly what I need to keep learning!

I don't know if there is a rule against posting two critique requests in as many days but here it goes.

I got carved a new a-hole on the last critique. Let's see if I learned anything.

My Easy Dogs

Thanks in advance.

Russ Reynolds

[richard]

Originally Posted by RussReynolds

Which is exactly what I need to keep learning!

I don't know if there is a rule against posting two critique requests in as many days but here it goes.

I got carved a new a-hole on the last critique. Let's see if I learned anything.

My Easy Dogs

Thanks in advance.

Russ Reynolds

I love the subject line of your thread! Made me look :eek:

Okay Russ, brace yourself.

Headline is okay...but the beginning of the copy doesn't engage...it is quite weak. I don't know why I should care to continue reading -- you don't draw me in because you haven't given me a reason to be drawn in.

Why not tell me right off that my dog could be suffering terribly....and tell me what signs I should be aware of that mean my dog has allergies and is therefore suffering?

Okay, also, the offer...bonuses should be aimed at the same audience as your offer, but should be different in subject matter, I think. For instance, a bonus report on ten proven things you can give your dog to eat that may well make him live longer (I'm just making this stuff up -- you get the idea).

The name "My Easy Dog" -- doesn't connect with allergies. I would rework that as it is very important to have a good name.

--Richard

[Rachel Irwin]

Hi Russ,

First let me say that I like the header graphic. But your copy needs work. Let's start with the headline. You have:

Regain Your Peace Of Mind...New Report Reveals: How To Tell If Your Dog Is Suffering From Allergies, How To Diagnose The Cause Of The Allergy And What You Can Do About It!

Which is WAY too long and doesn't really stoke the emotional embers. I came up with this one:

"Don't Just Standby and Watch Your Dog Suffer From Allergies!"

It's not perfect but it does hit your prospects "hot button" emotionally. No one wants to see their pet suffer right? (except Michael Vick maybe )

Now for your subhead, you have:

If You Would Like To Get To The Bottom Of Your Dog's Sniffling And Sneezing Once And For All, This May Be The Most Important Letter You Ever Read!

I would shorten it and get rid of the excess verbage. My version:

Get To The Bottom Of Your Dog's Painful Allergy Symptoms In a Few Short Minutes!

Notice I added some more "emotional" words.

Hope this helps,

-- Rachel

[RussReynolds]

Thank you guys..much appreciated.

[Eric Engel]

I did a quick search and found a LOT of free info on dog allergies. So starting with your approach -

If you're hitting the people who are already wondering whether or not their dog has allergies, I would start from a different approach. You're very first line should address the fact that you have the answers no one else has. It would take some creativity...don't bother with the cheesy 'see the secret that vets don't want you to know'.

If you're after people (like myself) who never even considered the question, I think your approach is pretty good. But I would take the question of suffering and put it in the first line of the headline. Something like:

"Is your dog suffering without you even knowing it?"

And then on with the headline you have. Only turn it into a paragraph (yes...it's that long).

[richard]

Originally Posted by Eric Engel

I did a quick search and found a LOT of free info on dog allergies. So starting with your approach -

If you're hitting the people who are already wondering whether or not their dog has allergies, I would start from a different approach. You're very first line should address the fact that you have the answers no one else has. It would take some creativity...don't bother with the cheesy 'see the secret that vets don't want you to know'.

If you're after people (like myself) who never even considered the question, I think your approach is pretty good. But I would take the question of suffering and put it in the first line of the headline. Something like:

"Is your dog suffering without you even knowing it?"

And then on with the headline you have. Only turn it into a paragraph (yes...it's that long).

Good idea...but in no way would I make the vet the bad guy.

You could also consider a Sherwin Cody approach...

Attention dog and cat owners...does your pet have these symptoms?

[Eric Engel]

Like I said -

don't bother with the cheesy 'see the secret that vets don't want you to know'.

But if your target is already looking for answers, the letter should distinguish itself from the very start. It should tell people -"Don't bother looking up all the free info, because I have the complete answer right here and you'll get incomplete info from them."

[richard]

Originally Posted by Eric Engel

Like I said -



But if your target is already looking for answers, the letter should distinguish itself from the very start. It should tell people -"Don't bother looking up all the free info, because I have the complete answer right here and you'll get incomplete info from them."

great point. You have to be an authority, and you have to set up what makes you an authority. In this case you are the master compiler of the best information out there...like a good magazine editor...and that can give you credibility.

[Vince]

This letter is Bull****! You need to go find the highest bridge possible and take a leap.

Your hook couldn't be less hooked, If you have a headline... It's either invisible or so crappy I can't see it. I've seen toddlers write better CTA's. This product MUST be a scam if you are selling it!

You have NO business writing copy or attempting to sell ANYTHING!

In fact, you have no business wasting my oxygen either, so you must stop breathing RIGHT NOW!





There... with all that abuse I have just given you 5 years of learning experience. You're welcome!

[RussReynolds]

Vince,

That was really good..but I have been in sales a long time. My skin is thick man!

Russ

Originally Posted by Vince

This letter is Bull****! You need to go find the highest bridge possible and take a leap.

Your hook couldn't be less hooked, If you have a headline... It's either invisible or so crappy I can't see it. I've seen toddlers write better CTA's. This product MUST be a scam if you are selling it!

You have NO business writing copy or attempting to sell ANYTHING!

In fact, you have no business wasting my oxygen either, so you must stop breathing RIGHT NOW!





There... with all that abuse I have just given you 5 years of learning experience. You're welcome!