Hello,

I have hired someone to rewrite our sales letter but I still can’t get this thing to convert. After testing this site with over 2,000 uniques I have only been able to squeeze 1 sale out of it.

Any help would be truly appreciated!

http://goodnightinsomnia.com/

Johnny

Johnny:

How did you get your visitors? Google, Newspaper Ad, etc.

Hello Johnny,

Just took a quick look at your website. Here's what I think.

You're selling an e-book. Yet I had to search your site to discover this. Many people landing on your page will automatically assume you're selling some kind of audio (CD) or whatever.

I would change your strategy and offer a sample chapter of your book via a squeeze page. If your ideas are good, then prospects will want more and you should see conversions improve.

-- Rachel

I was struck by the lack of testimonials, and this...

"hundreds of strategies, tactics, and ideas that you can choose among and easily put into practice."

I would suggest this is your problem. People don't want hundreds of things that might work they want the one right way for them. You need a way to explain the buyer isn't going to try one technique after another for the next two years.

For example, a diet plan. Why do people try, on average, 4.7 diets before they find one that works for them? Body chemistry. Our plan is based on the six types of body chemistry, each with its own weight loss plan.

....And with our plan you get this little kit to instantly tell which body type you are. Simply swab the inside of your mouth. Put it in this vial of chemical, and it will change color. Our book is color coded, so you use only the techniques and strategies right for you.

In other words, people don't want hundreds of tactics, strategies and techniques. They want one -- the right one. What I just showed you is how you take this overwhelming amount of data, 99% irrelevant, and manage it so the user gets what they want within seconds.

Next this sounds like your solution, and you're not an expert. So it comes off sounding like a system which has succeeded in curing insomnia one time, total. It's far too easy to dismiss with a "well it worked for you but will it work for me?"

People think these "here's my story" letters somehow makes people believe you. It doesn't. You've got to show it works for other people, not just you. This is all sentence after sentence of completely unsubstantiated claims.

Read this post I made on belief structure.

I am currently testing the site on Google & Yahoo.

There is a problem with the headline. The word "Beat" is not a good one in this case. But there are other heads that would work best in general. Also, a price with four digits does not pull as well as a price with two digits. I would test prices. But I'd start with either $37 or $27 --- depending on how big, and more importantly how good, the book is. And don't put zeros on the or .99 or anything like that.

There are lots of ways the page could be improved. But those are just a couple things you might consider.

I would look through forums on insomnia and see exactly what people are looking for. I mean see what excites them or what turns them off when people try to give them a solution.

I'm thinking that people with insomnia get a lot of free advice. And then there are a whole lot more products like yours, guaranteeing them they'll get to sleep after they pay. I think the challenge here is to differentiate the product.

You might try some kind of statistic (note the 'FREE hugs' post by Cavanaugh...the water hole effect could work here). A good headline might be something like:

I kinda don't like the background and graphical elements to it. In fact, that background tile makes me think of bad insomnia from trying to sleep on a scratchy brown sofa! I mean in terms of colors, that one is the least comforting to me!

I am just guessing here, but I think people who are looking for insomnia information are sort of looking for research (i.e. - free)

Maybe you could make it a little less conspicuous that it is a for sale product (by taking away all of the graphic elements, and making it look just like a regular web page). Then you could lure them in with a great headline and use 'advertorial style' sales copy with insights and examples, so they feel you are an expert.

By the end they'll want all of your info and insights, then you could let them know that they'll get access to all of your membership area of resources for $37 or whatever.

Also, I don't like the fontwork on the page, or the light brown background behind the copy. I would just make it plain white.

Anyways...sorry if sounds harsh, but I get insomnia a lot and I know that sales page would not entice me.

Have anyone here think what I think, the opening paragraph SUCKS. No one cared about you. Maybe you should rewrite it by making it into story, instead of repeating that fact.

Or is it because I don't have insomnia? I don't know but it just... weak.

Yes. I agree. It pretty much sucks. Both to me and as evidenced by the fact it hasn't gotten any sales.

Think it can be a good product but the copy doesn't do anything for me.