CWB readers wanted who will comment freely...
please

(jv) <first>, what do Elephants and Humans share...


<first>,

On October 23rd I'll be asking you to send
an email that will make you money on 10/31.

PLEASE MARK YOUR CALENDARS TO MAIL
for me on or immediately after 10/23. THANKS!

<first>,

I've been doing consumer research amongst
IM forum posters to gauge their receptivity to
various ethical bribes and I finally have a winner!

ACTUALLY, we have three winners...

==> But first! => What do Elephants and Humans
have in common?

"Elephants and Humans will both walk over a diamond
to pick-up a peanut."
--Kevin Nations

Ethical Bribe
Winner #1 ==> How To Empty your Email inbox Everyday!

To preview the first winning ethical bride...
==> How To Empty your Email inbox Everyday!
and have 30% more time to whatever YOU WANT...

... Please listen to the audio at the no-frills page
Pt 1 of 2 ==> "...they say it can't be done..."

WE'LL BE MOVING THE FREE LINE!
we'll give away the above in a viral campaign
but remember, 1st cookie wins! So...

==> The sooner you email on the 23rd,
the more money you make!

To get Pt2 they'll be squozen, squeezed?

<first>, your list will be given both...
Pt1 and Pt2 at once!

They go through a squeeze page that
hard codes your cookie.

<first>, you will get the commissions
from the 10/31 launch of...
my ==> Direct Response Branding
Home Study Course!

preview...
Pt 2 of 2 ==> HOW 2 EMPTY your inbox EVERYDAY

Renowned copywriter David Deutsch says
he would gladly pay the $2,300 retail price
for THE JAKE FRANKS SYSTEM if...
after 12 months, it transformed his business
and gave him the 30% more time it promises.

<first>, your readers will get Jake's system for free!

Thank you for your time
and considerations!

==> Did you mark 10/23 on your calendar?

Much love and gratitude!

Respectfully,

Ben
think==> Dr. Ben Mack

p.s.
OBVIOUSLY, some ethical
bribes did great on one board
and stunk on another. That's
why we're giving you a choice
of three!

Ethical Bribe
Winner #1 ==> How To Empty your Email inbox Everyday!
(the details to this are above)

the OTHER TWO ethical bribes
have not been produced, yet...

Ethical Bribe
Winner #2 ==> Embedded Commands EXPOSED
in the fastest selling book OF ALL TIME
by a 1st time author, the 1964
scandalous ALARMING REPORT
John A. Stormer's 12,000,000 1st year
NONE DARE CALL IT TREASON!

Ethical Bribe
Winner #3 ==> Live call with Josh Waitzkin, (the 6 year-old
kid from SEARCHING FOR BOBBY FISCHER
interviewed by Paulie Sabol and Jairek Robbins)

Hi Ben,
Not sure what type of comments you are looking for???

Anyway I love the elephants and humans quote. It seems so true. It causes one to ponder - ugh...

Great idea about the bribe on how to clear email daily!

Juanita

Hey Ben:

Like Juanita, I'm not sure what comments you're
looking for. If you want an opinion about
whether this will do well as a JV Invite, well, I
would definitely make some changes to it.

My JV Invites do best when I tell the JV
Partners more about:

1) What you really expect of them over the
course of the entire promotion

2) What the product is (including a link to both
the product and the sales letter)

3) What's in it for THEM!

All 3 are equally important.

What you have is certainly enough to get
someone's curiosity, but I've never found that
to be enough with JV Partners as a rule.

It would probably work well with those JV
Partners you personally know -- especially if
they know what it is that you are working on.

But, if you are sending this also to those people
you don't know as well, or who don't know the
details of your project, then I would lay your
cards on the table.

Something that could work very well is to leave
the email as it is, and where you have the link
to the audio, send the reader to a more formal
JV Invite on a webpage.

On that page, lay out all the details - the same
way that you would in a sales letter. Use all
the same pieces of a sales letter to -- headline,
benefit bullets, call to action, etc.

That way you can arouse the curiosity and grab
those who do know you, and then also inform
those who don't know what you're doing.

Let me know if I can help in any way!

Gina Gaudio-Graves
(aka "The JV Queen")

Ben,

Greetings...

Though poetic - not sure it's the most ideal "JV Letter."

It jumps around way too much.

Winners. Bribes. Elephants. Humans. Forums. Research. Mail. Cookies. Make more money.

Tries to present too many ideas ... needs to be simplified.

I would ask myself: "What's the #1 idea I want them to take from this email?"

Start there -- and write DIRECTLY to that.

Is it...

"Let's work together on this to make some money -- but you have to be the first to act?"

or...

what is the big idea?

What ACTION do you want the reader to take?

And...

Backing up a few steps:

What's the strategy here? Are you simply trying to "skim off" some new JV partners from your list?

There's a better way.

This certainly wouldn't be necessary for existing contacts. A phone call or personal email would suffice.

Hope that helps...

JP, we've worked together. it was rocky.
you introduced yourself from this board
and in a single conversation asked me to
invest $10k in you.

Let's pretend for a moment that you are
my target audience...

WHAT'S THE 1 (one) THING you WANT TO BE TOLD/PROMISED.

* thank you for your notes *

with gratitude,

~Ben

JP, I jumped down
your throat when
you reached-out with
kind and constructive
coaching.

I'm sorry.

I wrote this based on your notes last night...
2nd draft of JV email...

SUBJECT: (jv) %$firstname$%, how might i PAY YOU forward...

"Anything worth doing
is worth doing wrong
for a while."
~Marshall Thurber


Dear %$firstname$%,

Between now and 10/23 i will
be heavily mailing my largest
Aweber-list of 11,868 active
subscribers.

==> We do permission marketing.
(this is the heart of our work,
from my perspective and
truly what makes us 1:1
experts as opposed to SPAM artists.)

PLEASE NOTE: I have 4 other 4-figure lists.
YOU are on my MOST PRIZED LIST, my affiliate,
my only non-4-figure list. Our closest friends
are the most valuable hub of our network.

==> Marshall Thurber refers to this as
NETWORK SCIENCE. I am his student.
I study his ideas and drive him
crazy. Fun, right? Maybe not always,
but BREAKTHROUGHS only hurt once...
(shhhh. the above is not true, EACH
breakthrough appears to me to come
at a psychic-cost. Thank you Universe.)

* My 2nd most-prized-list is BUYERS, but you
come first. Heck, you may be on both *

* thank you for CREATING my multiple-streams
of COOPERATIVE SUPER-SELLING traffic *

~sometimes i feel obliged. and then, i figure
out HOW TO MAKE MYSELF USEFUL. Thank you for
your constructive COACHING. I am grateful
and stronger for your CARE.

><><><?><> IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT <><><><

==> ON OCTOBER 23RD, i kick into high-GEAR
as Theo Baskin and I take you to ENDER'S GAME!

==> BETWEEN NOW and 10/22 i'll MAIL my big list
(big for me) again and again. I'm culling
that group either into a herd or into
dropping by request.

THAT'S IT... the rest of this email is DETAILS ONLY

1) Want me to mail for you, just ask.

2) Want to help KEN McARTHUR & promote?
==> Please be prepared to mail on 10/23
and email him you want to HELP US.
(email me if you don't have his email)

HERE'S THE DEAL...

==> Game on. MadV Returns. i hope MN can make
POSITIVE MAGIC, he's a white-light witch.

THIS IS HALLOWEEN SEASON. I'm doing a virtual
Halloween Magic Show, we're eventually calling iT
The 2nd Annual ==> HalloweenWeenieRaost
we'll have vegan hot-dawgs at The Common Ground
restaurant in Brattleboro, VT, provided they are
still open, which is touch-and-go week-by-week.

==> DAVE LAKHANI generously offered to help
them in exchange for $1 and them putting-up
a banner on the outside that says: "Marketing is
NOT EVIL." TheySayItCantBeDone

WE GOOD SO FAR?

<first>, if i can mail for you, please
send me an affiliate link and a swipe
email. I'll mail. If you, an affiliate needs
to reach me at my home-office... 802-xxx-1071.
please use with discretion.

==> BENJAMIN, what are you up to?
(i still get chills when i hear
those words in my head)

PLEASE ALLOW ME to explain myself.

Did you ever see the movie, The Game?
~that's what i'm doing. it's theatre. please
don't call the cops on me for any reason
without calling me first, ok? seriously.

==> Cop visits suck.

my BUSINESS-only email address is
intellispire23 @ G -not real- mail. com

==> I will mail for you.
(NOTE: CWB readers, is this 4 you?)

May i tell you a little about my
intellectual family?

Joshua Shafron begat, a bunch.

==> Shafron begat Tellman Knudson,
my mentor, and Joshua Shafron
begat Erik Stafford.

Erik Stafford BEGAT Theo Baskin.
www.TheFasterWebmater.com

TELLMAN KNUDSON is my mentor.
(Tellman BEGAT Ben Mack.)

Do you see the family tree?
Theo Baskin & I are intellectual
cousins because we are each
two mentors away from... Joshua Shafron.

Theo Baskin & I ==> intellectual cousins.

I'M SORRY I CAN'T MAKE THIS ANY SIMPLER
i would if i could, and i can't yet.

My first Pay-It-Forward email is this one...

INTRODUCING ==> Jess
Jessalynn A. Coolbaugh, CW
"Copywriting isn't just about informing
a potential client about your product
or service. It is a subtle seduction
of the reader, a gentle manipulation
of their thoughts and senses, a dance
between writer and reader."
~ Jess A. Coolbaugh

HIRE Jess here ==> Bare-Naked Copywriting: CRAZY COPYWRITING FIRESALE!! Hey, It's What I Do.....

Please, enjoy the fireworks show.

You are safe and we are friends.

* bows with humble gratitude *

~Ben

P.S. Remember... Please let me know how
i may help you!

I like the elephant and peanuts line...that is a great curiosity grabber! and could be used as a subject line.

Other than that, I find it all a little confusing. JV partners are generally lazy and I think won't spend time deciphering messages...I'd make it much clearer what you want them to do. Actually, it hurt my brain a little trying to read this.

Ben,

Comments on your second version.

It's as jumpy as the first version, as JP noted. The first section is all about you. To my mind, so what? Why should I care?

The only thing that caught my eye in the whole email was the part about Brattleboro and Halloween, because Halloween is coming up and I live not far from Brattleboro.

But then it looks like the Halloween connection is tangential and it looks like the Brattleboro event has nothing to do with what you're really writing about.

And there is much in the email that totally goes over my head: Theo Baskin, Ken McArthur, MadV, MN, Joshua Shafron, etc. If you are writing to a club of people who all know these people, and these references, OK. I strongly suspect most recipients won't get it.

Totally confusing. Sorry.

To revise it, get your audience firmly in your head and don't try to impress them with how clever you are. Instead, simply get your message across to them with something that will make sense to them even if they don't read super-carefully and even if they don't know you as well as you wish they did.

Good luck,
Marcia Yudkin