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Posts: 9 Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Madison, WI Rep Power: 0 | Please critique my B2B copy for me. Thanks -
09-02-2007, 04:23 PM
Attention CEOs, CFOs, VPs of Operations of MLM Companies... “<FirstName>, Have Your Freight Discounts and Service Improvements Kept Up With Your Growth and Expansion?” My Complimentary MLM Supply Chain “Second Opinion” Will Give You Options You Never Knew You Had...With No Risk And No Out Of Pocket Expense – Guaranteed! Dear <firstname>, If we put your supply chain side by side with other MLM companies, do you know how you would stack up? Do you know how you compare to other businesses outside the industry? Companies who have the same shipping volumes, the same size packages and the same service requirements as you do? Are you better? Are you average? Or are you worse? Where should you be? No one knows your product better than you. That’s a given. But we see hundreds of supply chain configurations and agreements on a monthly basis. These are from practically every industry imaginable. We know what “unpublished” services, concessions and rates others are getting. Do you? Because of this broad perspective, we have extensive knowledge of the MLM supply chain business. We hand-picked our team away from the carriers and put these insiders to work for MLMs like yours. I know first-hand that your field is constantly harping about getting lower shipping costs because my wife, Anke, is a high level distributor for an MLM. We get 3 to 4 UPS shipments at my house every month. But not a day goes by that Anke doesn’t hear about shipping costs from her downline and from her customers. So I truly believe that you can you benefit from our unique position in the transportation industry because my family is in the industry and because I know what we’ve done for other MLM companies. We do not own any vehicles and we do not transport products. That’s not what we do. What we do is provide second opinions on your transportation. Customers have us look at how they move their product today and then we provide suggestions on how we see the product being handled by others. This is a very powerful tool. Recently we were invited to provide a free cost analysis to a company with a very experienced 16 member logistics team. We were told, “You won’t save us money, we run a tight ship”...This company is now saving an average of $5,700 per day due to our expert analysis, recommendations, and implementation. That’s about a 13% savings. Our recommendations for a well-known nutritional beverage MLM will save them $25,000 per week when they are fully implemented. That’s $1.3 million in annual savings! I’ll save them from embarrassment and not mention their name here. We are also seeing a lot of MLMs struggling with international expansion. Many are getting killed on rates to Japan and Hawaii and don’t even know it. Several are considering opening Distribution Centers in Asia which can be a very smart move, but they are looking for guidance. “Unpublished” Services That You Don’t Know About One big reason we are successful is because the transportation industry has many different “unpublished” and “one off” services that are provided to individual customers to maintain that particular business. These services are not services that the carrier advertises or brings to the table when negotiating contracts. Having the ability to see all of the individual services a carrier is willing to provide in order to keep an account happy gives us a unique arsenal to pull from when we are looking at your specific business. This is why I am writing to you today. I want to offer you a complimentary “Second Opinion” at no risk and without obligation - but only if you respond in the next 30 days. No risk means that you pay nothing up front and that you are under no obligation to implement any recommendations we propose. Most companies charge for comprehensive supply chain or transportation analysis. Carriers sometimes will do a limited version of it, but only when they know you are shopping the business. So when we offer to do it without the $10,000 or even a $100,000 price tag, people respond in droves. As a result the 30 day limit was just something we simply had to do because even though we have 117 employees, we had to limit the window to 30 days in order to maintain our customer service levels. Frankly, I have no idea if you are interested in supply chain or shipping cost improvements, but our unique view drove an astounding 22% average savings for all clients in 2006. Protect Bottom Line From Developing Trends Also, by seeing all these hundreds of contracts and tracking all of the individual nuances of each business, we see the developing trends in transportation long before they are ever brought to the public attention by the industry. We will help you create “defensive” solutions to these developing trends so they don’t impact your bottom line. We are like your advanced radar system that is always on the look out for the next wave of carrier pricing attacks. It’s All Explained In The Enclosed Envelope <firstname>, I enclosed our “MLM Supply Chain Profile and Second Opinion Form” in the other envelope that accompanies this letter. I also included a sheet of Frequently Asked Questions. I hope you are intrigued enough to open it and look the materials over. You will be shocked at how easy it is to get the data together for your complimentary “Second Opinion.” <firstname>, I’ll be on the lookout for your information so we can jump on your “Second Opinion” right away when it comes in. I’m looking forward to calling you with some good news! My best, Tim Johnson (949) 720-9423 P.S. How much can we save your company? You will never know until you take the first step...and it will be well worth your time. In the worst case scenario, you’ll get confirmation that you have a best in class program. P.P.S. Remember, you have absolutely nothing to lose. I’m just asking to look over some readily available data. If you’re not convinced our recommendations will help you create the results you want, you are under absolutely no obligation whatsoever. Open the envelope and get started today. | | | | | Grand Master
Posts: 1,035 Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Sydney, Australia Rep Power: 3 | Re: Please critique my B2B copy for me. Thanks -
09-02-2007, 07:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by tj14 Attention CEOs, CFOs, VPs of Operations of MLM Companies... “<FirstName>, Have Your Freight Discounts and Service Improvements Kept Up With Your Growth and Expansion?” How do you know? My Complimentary MLM Supply Chain “Second Opinion” Will Give You Options You Never Knew You Had...With No Risk And No Out Of Pocket Expense – Guaranteed! | Your pre-head is calling out to (too many) generic people, then the headline calls someone by name. They don't really flow together.
What kind of options are you talking about? | | | | | New Member
Posts: 9 Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Madison, WI Rep Power: 0 | Re: Please critique my B2B copy for me. Thanks -
09-02-2007, 08:16 PM
Yes. I already caught that. Anything else? This special invitation is going out to a very select group of executives in the MLM industry. I hope you’ll accept my invitation. “<FirstName>, Have Your Freight Discounts and Service Improvements Kept Up With Your Growth and Expansion?” [IMG]file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/Owner/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/msohtml1/04/clip_image002.jpg[/IMG]I invite you to accept my complimentary MLM Supply Chain “Second Opinion.” It will Give You Options You Never Knew You Had...With No Risk And No Out Of Pocket Expense – Guaranteed! | | | | | New Member
Posts: 9 Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Madison, WI Rep Power: 0 | Re: Please critique my B2B copy for me. Thanks -
09-02-2007, 08:21 PM
Oh yeah, the other options: ·Rate Negotiations/Carrier Contracts for all Modes of Transportation ·Rules Tariff Expertise ·Accurate Description of Freight Classification ·Automated Pre and Post-Audit Services ·Domestic/International Mail and Parcel ·International Logistics & Customs Compliance ·Comprehensive Software Applications ·Vendor Direct Program ·Reverse Logistics ·Third-Party Logistics ·Supply Chain Analysis and Solutions ·Transportation “Profit Centers” ·Retail “Chargeback” Solutions ·RFID Applications | | | | | New Member
Posts: 9 Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Madison, WI Rep Power: 0 | New version Re: Please critique my B2B copy for me. Thanks -
09-03-2007, 09:21 PM
This special invitation is going out to a very select group of executives in the MLM industry. I hope you’ll accept my invitation. “<FirstName>, Have Your Freight Discounts and Service Improvements Kept Up With Your Growth and Expansion?” [IMG]file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/Owner/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/msohtml1/04/clip_image002.jpg[/IMG]“I invite you to accept my complimentary MLM Supply Chain “Second Opinion.” It can save you $5,700 per day, that’s $2,080,500 per year...with no cost and no obligation – guaranteed.” [IMG]file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/Owner/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/msohtml1/04/clip_image003.gif[/IMG] Dear <firstname>, If we put your supply chain side by side with other MLM companies, do you know how you would stack up? Do you know how you compare to other businesses outside the industry? Companies who have the same shipping volumes, the same size packages and the same service requirements as you do? Are you better? Are you average? Or are you worse? Where should you be? Recently a company with a very experienced 16 member logistics team took me up on my complimentary “Proof of Concept.” We were told, “You won’t save us money, we run a tight ship”...This company is now saving an average of $5,700 per day due to our expert analysis, recommendations, and implementation. That’s $2,080,500 per year in profits! Yet they did nothing wrong. They are a competent, professional team. They just didn’t have access to the same information we do. How We Work And Why We Are So Successful It’s a given that no one knows your product better than you. But we see hundreds of supply chain configurations and agreements every month. These are from practically every industry imaginable. We know what “unpublished” services, concessions and rates others are getting. Even more, we hand-picked pricing managers and sales executives away from the carriers like UPS and FedEx, the trucking companies and the steamship lines and put them to work for MLMs like yours. With this inside knowledge working for you, it really levels the playing field. We know... ·Exactly how the carrier views your business. ·What the carrier’s cost to serve you is. ·Which surcharges are negotiable and to what extent (UPS and FedEx each have about 90 different surcharges they can hit you with) MLMs like our broad perspective and “insider knowledge” because the industry as a whole relies so heavily on carrier like UPS and FedEx to deliver its goods. As a result, we have extensive experience in the MLM supply chain business that can help you - even if you don’t think you can be helped. No Cost and No Obligation To Find Out More One executive to another, I believe you’re someone who appreciates and emphasizes measurement, return on investment and results, not the same old status quo. I’m writing to invite you to have the same (or even better results) as our other MLM clients. Let me show you what we can do for you; at no cost and without obligation to implement any of our recommendations - but only if you respond in the next 30 days. Most companies charge for comprehensive supply chain or transportation analysis. Carriers sometimes will do a limited version of it, but only when they know you are shopping the business. So when we offer to do it without the $10,000 or even a $100,000 price tag, people respond in droves. As a result the 30 day limit was just something we simply had to do because even though we have 117 employees, we had to limit the window to 30 days in order to maintain our customer service levels that we can be proud of. Frankly, I have no idea if you are interested in increasing your shipping discounts, reducing and eliminating surcharges and improving service levels but we helped clients save an astounding 22% on average in 2006. How much additional profit would that mean to your company? We do not own any vehicles and we do not transport products. That’s not what we do. What we do is provide second opinions on your supply chain and transportation costs. Customers have us look at how they move their product today and then we provide suggestions on how we see the product being handled by others. This is a very powerful tool. Our recent recommendations for a well-known nutritional beverage MLM will save them $25,000 per week when they are fully implemented. That’s $1.3 million in additional profit! Leverage “Unpublished” Services That You Don’t Know About...Yet The transportation industry has many different “unpublished” and “one off” services that are provided to individual customers to maintain that particular business. These services are not services that the carrier advertises or brings to the table when negotiating contracts. Having the ability to see all of the individual services a carrier is willing to provide in order to keep an account happy gives us a unique arsenal to pull from when we are looking at your specific business. More Profitable and Problem-Free International Expansion We are seeing a lot of MLMs banging their heads against the wall with their international shipping. Some just don’t know how to do it and are learning “on the job.” And believe me, that’s a very expensive education and can cost you hundreds of thousands in lost profits! ·Many MLMs are getting killed on rates to Japan and Hawaii and don’t even know it. ·Several require guidance on opening Distribution Centers in Asia (which can be a very smart move). ·Fixing customs compliance issues Protect Your Bottom Line From Developing Trends We are like your advanced radar system that is always on the look out for the next wave of carrier pricing attacks. By seeing all these hundreds of contracts and tracking all of the individual nuances of each business, we see the profit-sucking trends as the carriers develop them - long before they are ever brought to the public attention by the carriers. We will help you create “defensive” solutions to these developing trends so they don’t impact your bottom line. My Family is an MLM Family My wife, Anke, is a high level distributor for an MLM. We get three to four UPS shipments at my house every month. I know first-hand that your field is constantly harping about getting lower shipping costs because not a day goes by that Anke doesn’t hear about shipping costs from her downline and from her customers. I also know what your logistics people go through when you change suppliers and they have to sort out all the new lanes and routes. So because I see it from both sides, I truly believe that you can you benefit from our unique position in the transportation industry because my family knows MLMs and because I know what we’ve done for other MLM companies. <firstname>, the “Proof of Concept” is fully explained in the enclosed envelope. It contains our “MLM Supply Chain Profile and Second Opinion Form,” and a sheet of Frequently Asked Questions that makes everything crystal clear for you. I hope you are intrigued enough to open the envelope, look the materials over and give my invitation careful consideration. It may well be one of the best business decisions you will make this year. That may sound over the top, but I’m dead serious. Also, you will really be amazed at how easy it is to get the data together for your complimentary “Second Opinion.” <firstname>, I’ll be on the lookout for your information so we can jump on your “Second Opinion” right away when it comes in. I’m looking forward to calling you with some good news! My best, [IMG]file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/Owner/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/msohtml1/04/clip_image005.jpg[/IMG] Tim Johnson (949) 720-9423 P.S. How much can we boost your profits by? You will never know until you take the first step...and it will be well worth your time. In the worst case scenario, you’ll get confirmation that you have a best in class program - at no cost. P.P.S. Remember, you have absolutely nothing to lose. I’m just asking to look over some readily available data. If you’re not convinced our recommendations will help you create more profits, deepen your shipping discounts, lessen the financial impact of surcharges and improve the service you get, then you are under absolutely no obligation whatsoever. Open the envelope and get started today. | | | | |
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