I could really use some help from you guys with my latest letter.

It's found at:
Traffic Regenerator

I feel like there's something that's missing and I'm not happy with the sense of urgency.

Any suggestions or ideas greatly welcome.
Thanks everyone.

You might build in a scarcity box before you get into the pitch

Catch the attention with "Warning"

and explain how many people are "begging and pleading" ie your mailing list size (including jvs) and then explaining how many spots remain..

Hello mtnbiker,

First, I love your letter. What you or your client are offering here should make you a LOT of money.

Having said that, I don't like the "news" layout. For some reason, it really doesn't get me excited. The other thing is, even if your headline is true, I don't believe it.

I would lead with the first sentence of your sales copy and make that your headline:

"If you market online and can copy and paste one little line of code what I am about to show you will give you an instant increase in sales and profits starting TODAY!"

This gets me salivating because it gets me involved. I can copy and paste a line of code so I want to know more.

I think that what's missing is design. I think that there are way too many elements on your page.

I don't know where to look first! I love the product you're offering, but it seems like everything on the page is trying to grab your attention at once.

Look into reorganizing the layout and going for a simpler design that allows the important parts to stand out more. =)

Good luck dude!

ok....take this with the adviso that I am kinda burnt out from a busy day and can't think straight:

I like the newspaper layout idea.

The headline doesn't grab me.

But how about taking this from the body and turning it into headline and intro:



See it for yourself and draw your own conclusions about whether this sytem can pull in $$$$ over the next 6 weeks

About a month ago, I sent first-class letters to a few well-known marketers asking them to beta-test my new marketing system you're about to get.
A few of them gave me a call and I showed them how to use the system (It only takes about 15 minutes).
Look, I know that your time is valuable and so is mine.
That's why I'm not going to try and "convince' you that this works.
Instead, let's just focus on ALL THE DOCUMENTED PROOF.

To me, this letter lacks a coherent story. I want something that explains the story, the "slippery slide" as Sugarman calls it. Your letter BLASTS at me. It is so AGGRESSIVE. You are closing too soon.

So here's my idea:

Find out the secret to getting the 80% of the people who visit your site and leave, to stick around (and buy)

Dear Web Friend,

If you are paying for website traffic, and 19 out of 20 visitors are just leaving, then what will learn in this letter will change your life forever.

Strong words? Well sure, but I have found the secret to getting people to buy who were going to leave. And you'd use strong words, too, if you had a proven way to convert these "leavers" into "stayers" and "stayers" into "buyers", wouldn't you?

I'll tell you all about it in this letter. So let's begin

I was shocked when I started my first information marketing website and found that a great ad would result in 19 out of 20 people LEAVING without buying a thing!

You know the drill...they come, they look, they leave.

Then, one day I bla bla

Richard, you nailed the headline. Very good! With some slight polishing, it kills!

I don't find that believable.

I will change colors of the letter.

Change grey background on white.
Czange white background on blue or grey.

I think slales letter would look better.

/piotr