Hey i am making a follow up letter for my cousin. This is just a draft that took me like 30 minutes to come up with. I am hard pressed to find a better paragraph for the one that starts with "a good way to start" I need something better right there for sure.

Let me know what you think.

Dear friend,

It’s a fact that people are busier and more pressed for time than ever.

I really appreciate the time you took out of your busy day to let me speak with you and consult over getting you into a new home, thank you!

I know how important the decision is when purchasing a new home and it all can be very exciting. But, there are also a lot of questions that arrive when considering a new home.

Is it a good time to buy? Can I afford my new home? How long is the process?

The questions and the worry can be overwhelming for some, but I have your solution, ,me.

I am here full hearted to help you with ANY of your questions or even problems that you may have concerns over. You can call me up or even e-mail me anytime with ANYTHING you would like to ask.

I am here to take all of of the complication of purchasing your new home. I will do all of the dirty work and make everything go smooth for you throughout the whole process.

Still, knowing that someone like myself is there to help, you may be hesitant when taking your first steps in the direction of investing in a new home.

What is holding you back?

A simple way to start the process is having a consultation meeting with myself. We can setup a meeting and go over what you can afford (if permitted we could even get you pre-approved for a loan free) and find out what you are looking for. My goal is to find you the best home available for the price and terms you will be completely satisfied with.

So do not hesitate as it is a wonderful time to buy a home in the Inland Empire and if there is anything holding you back from making the home purchase of your dreams, let me know. Contact me either by phone or by e-mail, I am available for you.

PS: If you happen to know anyone that is in the need of an honest, hard working, full service real estate agent please do not hesitate to refer them to me. I even included a couple of extra business cards in case you know of some one in need of my outstanding services.

Ideal time to reinforce with testimonials from people who were hesitant, but decided to put your cousin on their team and came out smiling!

I'd rather this not be "me" based at the end... instead something like:

"The questions and the worry can be overwhelming when you don't have an expert on your team. An expert to work with you to take all of of the complication of purchasing your new home.

As the expert on your team, I will do all of the dirty work and make everything seem so easy and smooth for you throughout the whole process."

Maybe you could also reinforce previous results ... "I've been the expert on the team for 93 previous clients. Here's what John Smith from TownName has to say: ..."

How about a small thank you gift along with the letter? Generate a feeling of reciprocity.

Cheers,

I think you need to spend more than 30 minutes on it

I'm all for crits and getting work checked over, but 30 minutes is hardly enough time to have spent on a letter before asking for a crit - IMO.

Read it out loud, pretend you were talking to the person receiving the letter. Constantly ask yourself, "do they care?"

Oh I am going to spend way more than what i did i just wanted to make sure I was going in the right direction, because i have not written many follow up letters.

PS: I am volunteering to help my cousin as he is a beginner real estate agent, and I think some of the marketing strategies I know can really help him. It's great practice for myself as well.

PPS: I really appreciate the help everyone!!