Hi folks could you tell me which headline is better. I would greatly appreciate any comments and or suggestions that you might have.

Cheers,
Rza

Headline 1
Frightfully Only a Small Amount was Ever Produced. Buy The Rare Hard to Find Collector Cartoon DVD Set Before They're Gone Forever. Bring Back The Electrifying and Mesmerizing Memories of Your Childhood.


Headline 2
Frightfully Only a Small Amount was Ever Produced. Invest in The Rare Hard to Find Collector Cartoon DVD Set Before They're Gone Forever. Bring Back The Electrifying and Mesmerizing Memories of Your Childhood.

Test them. You'll probably find the answer is neither.

Why? The scarcity claim is too vague. The market is saturated with "rare" special director's later Tuesday afternoon limited editions (where limited is only limited by the capacity of the Chinese manufacturing plant cranking out the copies).

Terminator 2: Judgment Day: has ...a regular release ...ultimate edition ...extreme edition

All the consumer has to do is wait for Wednesday's special edition.

Hey RZA,

Neither of the headlines you use pulled me in - you're mainly going with a "curiosity" headline, which rarely work well on their own.

Appeal to the "self-interests" of your target market. Benefits!!!!

- Why would your target market be interested in these DVD's? Appeal to that in your headline.

- What would make them stop and want to read more? Once you hook them...then you can go into details later about your limited quantity.

One thing that throws me off with your headline is the word "frightfully" used with cartoons. Doesn't fit.

Tweak them a little more and then split test them.

Take some time and write out about 25 headlines and then examine them. Have other people read them and see what their comments are. Write something that would grab you.

Press on to Success,
Jeff

Thanks guys much appreciated. Through my research JL, I found out most of my potential customers would be interested in the product to relive their exciting childhood memories of watching the cartoon series. I am trying to paint the picture in their head of how they can bring back that excitement.

Cheers,
Rza

Hey RZA,

Not wanting to beat a dead horse, but there's a lot wrong with both of these headlines...

I agree with what John and Jeff have already said and I'd like to add something else into the mix.

1. Why use the word "frightfully"?

Is it really frightening to know that there are only a small amount was ever produced? ... hhmmm? Even if I was the target market I wouldn't think it would be frightening or frightful in any way.

2. In both headlines you're already hitting the call to action button before you even get a chance to build rapport with your reader.

This is like opening up your front door and a salesman asking, "would you like to buy this rare vacuum cleaner?" before you even had a chance to look at it or listen to the benefits of owning it (or getting to know whether the salesman is trustworthy).

The whole purpose of your headline is to get the reader into your copy, not to sell them the product.

There are instances where you could put the price tag or call to action in the headline, but then we're talking mini-ads (like classifieds or google ads).

Or perhaps even a drastic price reduction on a high-priced item your target market is fully aware of.

3. Are the memories of your childhood "Electrifying and Mesmerizing"?

Not mine... The only thing I can remember "electrifying" was when I stuck my finger in an open wall outlet once.

And I'm not sure what you mean by "mesmerizing". The word mesmerize comes from Franz Anton Mezmer (an 18th century physician who discovered and studied "animal magnetism" or "mesmerism"). It later developed into hypnotism.

I don't know about you, but thinking about my childhood doesn't really put me into a mesmerized or hypnotic state.

Bottom line...

Choose your words carefully whether it be in the headline or in the body copy. The words "frightfully, electrifying, and mesmerizing" can all be used with success, but just not in this circumstance.

My two cents... Take it or leave it.

Thanks Stephen I will take your advice . Through researching the subject everyone I came across was talking about having fun watching the cartoon series when they were kids. I am trying to come up with a headline that conveys the message that they can bring back that excitement of watching the show. Your right the words are crappy. I will head back to the drawing board.

Hey folks could I get your opinion on the following headline below.

Hands Down, After 20 years Still Considered The Greatest Cartoon Series of its Generation… Bring Back The Fun, The Excitement and The Nostalgia Of Watching Your Favourite Cartoon… The Transformers

First off, what people say they will buy has a frightfully poor correlation with what they do, in fact, end up buying.

And nothing you mentioned even hinted people were interested in buying anything.

But I get the idea now. You're trying to coast on the momentum of the recent movie release.

First, that's probably going to be short-lived, relatively speaking. Second you replaced the problematic "Frightfully" with another clinker "Hands down."

Again, no proof, an unbelievable claim. The first thing you have to do is somehow back up that claim with survey results or other proof. " ....eBary prices for transformer related items have risen 600% since June." I rank this up there with the people who tried to get iPhones to sell on eBay at an appalling premium.

Why? Because my guess is you're still working the limited edition angle. Part of that appeal depends on how convincingly to frame the product as an investment. And it does not matter if that is not the chief angle, you still have to do a good job with this part of the offer.

And this also makes me wonder what the rest of the copy is like. You're trying too hard to be "clever like a copywriter."

Thanks John S, I was looking into that EBay Proof using tereapeak for research and you are correct. The same DVD is being sold for twice the amount I am selling it at. I was thinking of using the EBay angle into the headline. As for the momentum with the movie release, you might be correct. However a new series of Transformers cartoon is coming out next year so the old Transformers series still might be still relevant to original Transformer fans.

Oh I actually did not ask individuals if they would buy the DVD. I asked why do they love the transformers cartoon series.

Thanks for help John, I really appreciate it.

Calling all experts, I would greatly appreciate the help for generating a good headline.

Thanks,
Rza