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  #1 (permalink) Old
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JL Melvin is on a distinguished road
 
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Default Copywriting on the Brain- Before & After Critique... - 07-13-2007, 12:59 PM

Ok - now I've been reading suggested books, handwriting out sales letters, and examining my mail & newspapers.

I've got copywriting on the brain.

The ad below has appeared in 3 local newspapers. I was drawn to it because it has such potential.

So, I was thinking about how I would market myself and decided to see if I could rewrite their ad better - give it more appeal.

Please review and give me your feedback. I've attached a scanned copy of the original ad. Below is my rewrite:

-----------------------------------------------

Which of These 16 Pinched Nerve Danger Signals -
Do you Want Relief From?
  • Low Back Pain
  • Dizziness
  • Numb Hands
  • Numb Fingers
  • Headaches
  • Sore Elbows
  • Bursitis
  • Hip Pain
  • Shoulder Pain
  • Neck Pain
  • Pain Down Legs
  • Carpal Tunnel
  • Arthritis
  • Herniated Disc
  • Muscle Spasms
  • Aching Feet
Are you missing out on: A good night’s sleep? Intimacy with the one you love? Overall happiness?

How often is “Pinched Nerve Pain” interfering with your quality of life?

Imagine a day without pain – and loving every minute of it!

Find out Today if pain-free chiropractic care can relieve your aches and pains and improve your overall Quality of Life.

Call to Schedule Your FREE Full Spinal Exam ($245 Value) Now 123-333-5555
No Obligation – Nothing to Pay

You will receive a thorough state-of-the-art assessment of your spinal function using a Computerized Surface EMG scan and any necessary X-Rays.

Afterwards, you will meet with one of our Doctors for a private one-on-one consultation to discuss the results.

It only takes a few minutes to complete the exam and it’s entirely FREE.

To Take Advantage of this limited time offer call 123-333-5555 before July 31, 2007 to schedule your FREE appointment (bring this coupon with you)!

By Law this offer is not good for MediCare, however we are MediCare Providers and MediCare covers 80% of our fees and will pay 100% if you have a secondary insurance that is not an HMO.
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Default Re: Copywriting on the Brain- Before & After Critique... - 07-13-2007, 01:50 PM

I'm stuck on the headline.

Maybe make it more simple, like "Which Of These Do You Want Relief From?", then list the symptoms.

In other words, just because I've got headaches or numb fingers, I'm not automatically going to think "pinched nerve", so I'm not going to be drawn to a "pinched nerve" headline. However, if I see a list of symptoms that I want relief from, then the copy informs me that I might be suffering from a pinched nerve, then I might be more interested in the free spinal evaluation.
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Default Re: Copywriting on the Brain- Before & After Critique... - 07-13-2007, 01:58 PM

I would remove the pinched nerve thing too.

But I like the 16 (specificity). And the copy leads them to automatically pick one. There's no "none of the above." I like it.


Vin Montello - MontelloMarketing.Com
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