Hi all,

I've put up my sales letter page for a new eBook package I'll be selling on ClickBank. I'd love to have your feedback.

The Debt Destroyer Supersystem

Much appeciated,

Greg

Hi and welcome here

so here is my modest vision please believe in my respect and sympathy.

so regarding the web page here are my observations:

1)the design:

no delimited design.
too much height light.
horizontal scrolling.
many color used in you text format.

2) the copy:

it begin with the headline, interrogative non precise formulation.
those are question that imply generally an answer like "yes or no" and most of time they try to get the "yes" as an affirmation, perhaps a question that implied a reflection a long answer an interrogation may be better.

but again I am thinking about this form of headline, people in such situation have enough of interrogations, they are in trouble, they want just solution.

your headline:
such question may be frustrating and induce such answer: "damn yes, are you kidding, ofcourse but the solution" the headline in it self don't inspire a solution neither a hope.

people in trouble fellow someone who is sure who detain a solution not some one who ask question and reformulate the same interrogations as them.


may be a headline in this form be better (English is my 2 language I am sure that you will formulate it better then me)

1) interrogative form :

"Are you ready to be debt free again without burning your credit card?"
"who else want to be debt free?"

2) other

"stop being their slave your debt free solution now"
"enjoy life again with zero debt troubles"

some notion like freedom, slave enjoy, trouble may fit in such headline.

the second problem with the copy is the use of I instead of you.

but the question is why?

why your copy is turned too much I then you?

the answer is the lake of testimonial.

because you have to reinforce your claim by a true story and because there is no testimonial you are forced to turn to yours and to use I then you.

a question arise in my mind: could we build a story on our living and then a copy without a testimonial.

a captive interesting American's dream model story may be a solution.

because people enjoy challenge.


this was my modest vision, please believe in my respect and my sympathy and hope that help.

Hi Abdellah,

Thanks very much for your feedback. I have a follow up question and a comment.

First, are you saying that you have to scroll from side to side to see the full text on the screen? The page width is set at 700 and I figured that was plenty narrow. Or do I misunderstand you?

Second, you're absolutely right that there are no testimonials. It is perhaps my conceit that I'd like some real ones before posting them. I'd rather not use endorsements from other IM types. Am I nuts?

Thanks,

Greg

Hi, me again

so regarding the horizontal scrolling it appear in my browser, this dosn't mean that we can't read until we scroll, the copy is delimited but there is no border that visually make this delimitation.

the reason of the existing of Hscroll in your copy is due to your HTML, here is the part of html that make the problem :

2)regarding the testimonial , in my vision the real one with a full coordinate of the people is the better it is more credible.

but testimonial aren't the only problem, the urgent one is to see why your copy is I builded then you turned.

hope that this make it more clear, and hope that it help.

Are You Drowning in Debt?
Can't sleep? Can't stop worrying?
Do your monthly statements make you sick?

My solution:

Are Your Debt Drowning You?
Can't Walk? Can't Talk?
Do your monthly statements make you embarrassed?

In Just 7 Steps, You Can Eliminate Your FEAR
and Achieve Real Financial Freedom
************************************************
Not focusing on the fear directly make them more open and feel less wounded, EMBARRESSED is what you should work on for this one and you could sell A LOT of copies.

The best sales men are not only a good speaker-- they are a good listener too-- one who understands the desire of the customer

Peace
Peace

Had nothing else to do, so I did some more on your page:
***********************************************

Dear Friend,

How long has it been since you got some really positive vibes? When can you start beliving in yourself and that you can overcome your FEAR? When was the last time you were certain you could put the past behind you and move on?

Here's the bad news: Finally. You killed the dept.

You came to me buddy and we conquered the world, you've reached that road in life, a point so clear that we can set the record straight.

From now on, things are going to be a walk on water.