Magazine Subscription Sales Letter Critiquie Needed!

mobiusmedia · **Magazine Subscription Sales Letter Critiquie Needed! -** 04-17-2007, 02:34 PM

This here will be my bread and butter hopefully. It's a price guide that is subsription based for my local area. The pdf of the letter is not how it will look on the website. I will probably use a different font, I will have pics of the magazine, as well as a zoom in showing how the prices will look, a couple of graphs and a few newspaper articles relating to how prices are rising. Of course a logo at the bottom. It will be a simple two page site with a signup button. Thanks ahead of time, tear the letter up!

P.S. It was a first draft written in 20 minutes!

http://www.mobius-media.com/groceryguide.pdf

Stephen Davies

In keeping within the context of your headline, I would change the wording a bit...

From this:

Would You Invest $16 A Month
To Save Over $300 A Month In Groceries
From Your Local Stores?

To this:

Would You Invest $16 A Month
To Save Over $300 A Month
From Your Favorite Grocery Store?

You might also take this angle...

How To Turn A Simple $16 Investment Into $300 In Savings Each And Every Month Without Changing How Or Where You Shop For Groceries... Guaranteed.

Mr. Subtle · 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mobiusmedia

The pdf of the letter is not how it will look on the website. I will probably use a different font, I will have pics of the magazine, as well as a zoom in showing how the prices will look, a couple of graphs and a few newspaper articles relating to how prices are rising.

Well...where's the dayem webpage? Huh? I've already got the REDO done before I've even seen your page.

Stephen Davies

Don't be shy Subtle... show us your masterpiece!

Mr. Subtle

We need a "buy me a drink" or "buy me a nice bottle of wine" button here like they have over at Warriors. Heck, I'd settle for "buy me a box of wine."

Stephen Davies

How 'bout if we just buy you a box.

mobiusmedia

Mr. Subtle,

Simmer down, I will have the webpage together
soon, but I just wanted to have some direction
from your genius first. I tell you what, PM me
your address, no name needed and tell me your
favorite wine, and watch it show up at your door.
I'm a man of my word, your ideas and everyone
elses here are invaluable!

Geoff

loan2value

I personally would take the price out of the headline. You'd have to change the headline to make it work from a different angle.

I'd build value in the savings and then use a comparative sticker shock deal to make them feel 16 bucks was a mere pittance compare to the THREE THOUSAND SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS a year they could stick in their pockets instead of the big greedy store's....

Good luck,

Dan

Mr. Subtle

Here's a COMP I put together before ever seeing what the original web page is going to look like...

Note the PITHY headline. Pretty much to the point for those who will only give you a 3 second scan before hitting the back button. If they stick around, chances are they'll read the preHEAD and then the HEADline again...for a little more impact.

If they're not the kind to read a prehead, then it's on to the subHEAD which is fine.

Invest or investing is the wrong word to use when targeting an audience of coupon clippers. Those who have money to invest usually aren't that concerned about saving money when buying food items. (This is based on what most of my friends do. Few price shop grociers and even fewer clip coupons)

I was debating on the background color. Since I'm a guy, I like the blue I grabbed from her jeans which was also used for the HEADline. Perhaps the majority of readers will be women and they may like the pink better.

Any of you guys still looking at the babe in the pic instead of the background colors?

Yeah, I thought so.

Stephen Davies

Quote:

Invest or investing is the wrong word to use when targeting an audience of coupon clippers. Those who have money to invest usually aren't that concerned about saving money when buying food items. (This is based on what most of my friends do. Few price shop grociers and even fewer clip coupons)

Excellent point Subtle. What was I drinking?