Can you all give some positive criticism on this copy?

Brad Callen

Would appreciate some good, solid, feedback on what you guys think. The software is as good as gold and I can show any kind of proof needed. Problem is, I don't know what else I can show people to prove the value. Any ideas?

My new SEO Elite sales copy...

SEO Elite Software | Search Engine Optimization | Link Popularity | Web Promotion | Link Exchange Search Tool (not sure what's going on with the anchor text here, but didn't know how to change it)

Thanks

Brad

Ken Strong

Hi, Brad,

I wouldn't start the letter off with talk of "B.S. alarms" and claims of proof -- I think you should start with this section, and the copy that follows:

You'll Be Able To Create Your Own Internet "Cash Machine" Allowing You To Achieve All The Goals You've Set And Enjoy The Freedom And Lifestyle You Want!

..since that's what it's really all about for the prospect, isn't it?

And then the section that's headed with "How I did it, and more importantly, how you can do it, too!"

And then maybe go into the proof and some testimonials.

If you start with testis, you're assuming that everyone who comes to the page is already sold on getting some SEO software, and it's just a question of which one they'll buy. But I'm sure there's plenty of visitors who may not understand either the features or benefits of your product until you explain it to them.

One other thing: I scanned the page several times before I realized that the box that says "Undeniable proof" at the left near the top was actually a video. I guess I just assumed it was a Johnson box or something. Maybe you could change the background color so it's not the same color as the rest of the page, and/or give it a clear label ("Watch this video and see...").

.02,
Ken S.

guitarjon

Brad,
I am not a real copywriter, just trying to learn here, so take my comments with a grain of salt.

I am one of your customers, and I think your software is excellent. Also, I enjoy the conference calls you put on for customers very much and have learned a lot.

From my customer experience, here's my two cents:

You have 500 testimonials. When I saw that, I thought "Wow, how did this guy get 500 testimonials, many with audio? He must have something goin on."

A lot of your sales letter says "if I can do it, you can do it." Well, you're a big shot, so I am not sure I can do it because I'm not a big shot. How about "if they can do it, you can do it" instead?

Also, I have good traffic on my site, but I didn't write SEO Elite, so saying that it logically follows that SEO Elite is good because you have good traffic, is not necessarily persuasive to a person in my position.

my point: you might try putting the testimonials forward.

Again, I am not a copywriter, but I am a fan of your work, so I thought I'd take a moment to chime in here.

btw...your autoresponder series is great. I never once wanted to unsubscribe.

Jon

thegreatwarrior · 04:30 AM

Coming Sunday evening, April 8th, 2007...

How To Strategically Use
Testimonials to Paint Every Stroke of A
Detailed Picture of Proof

Brad: On Sunday, I'm going to show you how to take your testimonials (which are already used quite well) and craft a crisp, solid, cascading "preponderance of proof" that will sheild itself against virtually any doubt your reader has (very much the same way the 300 Spartans sheilded themselves against the attacks of an exponentially larger army).

Dear Brad:

First of all, congratulations on having a solid offer. The first step of Mark Joyner's The Great Formula is to Create The Irresistible Offer, which you have already done. There's no doubt about that, and nothing else needs to be said about that.

Second, the copy (and proof-power) of your web site is good. It's solid, but...

...I know I can help you to make it better.

If you've seen some of my other posts, I put a great deal of thought and effort into creating/typing my critiques, and yours won't be any different, so that's why it won't be ready until Sunday evening.

But here are some things I (so far) plan to share with you:

1. What John Carlton can teach you (and the rest of us, myself included) about using testimonials to back up every benefit you mention.

(Because you asked what you could show to people to prove the value, what John Carlton exemplifies here is the main thrust of this particular answer I have planned.)

2. 2 testimonials that I've seen on your web page so far that, if the right aspects of them are mentioned, can enhance your proof level.

(It's great that you already have these 2, but I think you should consider what I have to say about these 2, and how they can be strategically positioned to undoubtedly establish the value of your offer.)

3. Have you considered before-and-after case studies?

(You already have them, and on Sunday, I'll share some ideas with you.)

4. One testimonial that isn't the first one the reader sees, and why you should at least consider this.

(Sneak Peak: It's Debbie Womack's, and I'll tell you why.)

...And more

PS: If you at least consider everything I have to say, and only use what you find to be results-producing, virtually all doubt and obligation will be defeated, and the unquestionable value of your offer will stand high, like a victorious night in shining armor.

thegreatwarrior · 05:20 PM

Click Here for Bencivenga Proof About...

How To Increase The
Proof-Power of Your Headlines

In a world (and on a medium) of over-hype and increasing levels of consumer skepticism, combined with decreasing attention spans, you need
to rip through the curtain of skepticism as quickly as possible
if your message is going to have a reading's chance...

The Headlines (Pre-, Main, and Post) Are The Best Places To Do This

Brad,

I came across the above link yesterday, and remembered that you wanted some advice about what to say to prove the value of your offer to people.

After reading the article at that link, and sleeping on it, I came up with this headline you can feel free to use (but I'd appreciate it if you gave me the credit):

Over 500 Testimonials and X Years Can't Be Wrong!

First Page Search Engine Rankings:

For The Past X Years, Over 500 Stuggling Online Marketers Have Achived First Page Rankings on Google, Yahoo, and MSN.

Now It's Your Turn! And With The New Version X.0 (Released Month, 2007), It's More User-Friendly Than Ever. Guaranteed!

Now remember, I came up with this insight from Gary Bencivenga, who is, in my opinion, perhaps the second greatest living copywriter (Gary Halbert being #1).

That piece of advice (the pre-, main, and post-headlines), is probably the best contribution I could give to you.

Now, let me enhance that.

1.

The big lesson I want to share with you today is the strategic use of testimonials to prove every point, feature, ease-of-use claim, and benefit you want people to believe about your offer.

If this is done well, you will build what Dan Kennedy calls a "preponderance of proof", which I visualize to be a well-built wall of proof that stands against any attack of skepticism.

I mentioned that John Carlton can teach us something about backing up the boldest, most important claims he makes. Wherever there's a chance for skepticism, Carlton almost always has a testimonial to back up his claim.

To get an idea of what I'm actually saying, go to John Carlton - The Marketing Rebel - Operation MoneySuck Salesmanship Essentials

Specifically look at how John uses at least one testimonial for each of the opening claims he makes (the ones with the blue checkmarks).

Also notice how he has a testimonial to enhance the claims of most of his Breakthrough Essentials.

If he doesn't have a claim, it's because his statement is either as-is (you'll get X CDs), or he's taken care of it elsewhere. And even then, his "preponderance" of testimonials simply amplify everything he says.

I see that you have listed 11 Wallet-Fattening Features. You can use a testimonial to show how someone has specifically benefited from each of these features.

2.

Moving on, I previously said that there were 2 testimonials that I see on your web page that, if the right aspects about them were mentioned, would increase your believability level.

These 2 testimonials are those of Brad and Bruce. Why? Because they're SEO experts themselves! And their praising your product! Do you know how significant this is?

As copywriters, one of the endorsement options we'd be lucky to have are those who are experts in that respective industry.

Now, go back to the Bencivenga article I mentioned above, and see if you can incorporate that fact into a mini-headline within the body of your letter. (Heck, you could even use it as the main headline.)

A good lead-in to the testimonials would be:

This Is What SEO Experts Say About SEO Elite...

(That, in fact, is the main aspect that you should mention about them.)

One consideration: you don't want to scare the common layperson away, because depending on how you say it, a the common person may think, "Oh, so do I have to be an expert, too?"

So let's move on to before-and-after case studies.

3.

Back in January, I listened to a teleseminar that David Garfinkel put on about writing case studies that sell.

I think that Michael's, Bruce's, and Debbie's testimonials provide the groundwork of good case studies.

Listen to the teleseminar, and see how far you want to go with that.

4.

Now, about Debbie's testimonial. I previously said that you should at least consider having this one as the first testimonial. (In fact, you may want this one to be the first thing the reader sees right after they read your headline.)

The reason why I say this is stated in the headline of her testimonial: We're all doing online marketing so that we can bring in money, as a means to our higher goals. Debbie's is a before-and-after story of someone who used your software to multiply your income by 6. She now has 6 times the money to do what she wants to do with that money.

Ken Strong previously alluded to this by saying that it's really about getting the freedom and lifestyle you want.

Okay, here's a few things for you to consider:

5. Opt-in form. I'm sure you know the value of building a list.

6. You have a trial offer. A rhyme I came up with for trial offers is: "You don't have to buy, you only have to try."

7. Do you have an affiliate program?

8. I noticed that you also offer that fool-proof guide. It would be great if you dug through your testimony collection and found one or two testimonials of people who said that your software (with your fool-proof guide) was easy to use.

One of a developer's jobs is to prove to the potential end users that his or her software is easy to use, in addition to the benefits it delivers; that it's easy to use the software to bring about results.

You can demonstrate this by converting your guide into an online, step-by-step video.

9. Consider this as a bonus: Give away an e-book by some title like "You've Got the Traffic, Now Get the Cash: How To Write Your Ticket to Higher Conversions" That's a headline I thought of. It would be a quick report on how having good web copy can increase your conversions, with the traffic you're already getting.

10. Testimonials don't only have to appeal to raw results. They can also show that they can help you save something that is more important than money: time. Michael's testimonial, where he's saved 15 hours a week, is a great one to use.

Whew! I'm done! With time to spare! I open the floor up to anyone one to tell me what you think.

PS: If you implement everthing I have to say, especially with regard to the use of testimonials as proof, you will paint a masterpiece of proof, one stroke (testimony) at a time.

Motley1

WOW! Nice job Warrior

thegreatwarrior · 11:50 PM

A Few Minutes Ago, Something Came To Me That I Just Had To Update You On...

How Offering A Free Trial Can Hurt Your Conversion Rate, And What To Do About It

Offering a free trial can make the potential customer wonder, "Hmm, should I get the free one, or the full one?" This situation can cause
indecision, and lost sales.

Considering what I have to say about this can turn potential customers into sure-to-be customers.

Okay, so you offer both a free trial and a paid version.

The idea I was thinking is that, in your sales letter, you promote the free trail as hard as you can, and show them the results they can get just from the free trial.

Then, when they opt to download the free trial, you show them a one-time offer where they can choose the paid version now, at a lower price than they would pay if they waited.

Now obviously, this may defeat the purpose of even offering a free trail, so what you can do is this:

When the trial period expires, then they see the one-time offer.

But play with this idea and see what you can come up with, because I can imagine your potential customer thinking, "How good is the free version?" You have to take advantage of that situation.

PS: There's a lot of groundwork for the validity of this post that I felt compelled to type about. In direct-response copywriting, it's been taught that the more options we give to people to respond, the lower the response rate will be.

PPS:...but then again, I am new to this, and the options I was just referring to has to do with ordering options, and not necessarily product options. I invite anyone else to add their input to this.

Motley1

I think you should be focusing all of that energy on something very important... my company