Just finished reworking this copy. (It's an awesome website, by the way!). Thoughts?

http://www.successdoctor.com/projects/rn

Dam Michel what can I say, I WANT THIS! lol

Great Product, and the copy is magnificient.

One day I hope be able to write copy like this---and to be able to play the guitar too!

Thanks for sharing

Michel,

Here's some scattered thoughts....

1) I like - Screaming exercises that skyrocket your playing mechanics so you can progress your playing faster than you ever thought possible...

better than - "Learn The 'Secrets' Used By The Pros To
Accelerate Your Playing In No Time Flat!".....maybe exchange the two.

2) ... Even If You're A Total Beginner, And
Tried Everything But Failed Miserably. - is really good, but I like

...Even If You're a Total Beginner, Even If You've Tried Before And Failed MIserably ! - might not be better but it feels better to me.

3) You may have paid guitar lessons that cost you as much as $50 a pop — and they didn't do anything for you (except burn a hole in your bank account)... - I'd put a " for " between paid and guitar.

4) You might have played "air guitar" but secretly wished you could it for real... - I'd put a " play " between could and it.

5) Heck, you've probably NEVER picked up a guitar in your life... - doesn't fit in with the other bullets above it - how about -

Heck, ( I don't really like the heck, though ) even if you've never....

6) ... Well, it's amazing, because...- what are the ...'s doing there before
" Well " ?

7) Learn flaming-hot lead guitar techniques not taught anywhere else GUARANTEED that will make your band mates' jaws drop... - might, I emphasize might, be better as - Learn flaming-hot lead guitar techniques not taught anywhere else ....GUARANTEED to make your band mates' jaws drop...- and I'd use it as a larger sub-head somewhere, because it is dynamite !

Since 1999 we've shown thousands of students - how about a real, actual number of students, rather than a fictional, uninspiring " thousands ! " ?

9) Plus, you don't just access 1, 2 or 3 videos, either. You gain access to hundreds of online videos - again, how many ? 312 ?...207 ? ...117 ?

10) I Pulled Every Stop And Hired
The Best Guitar Teachers Available! - doesn't make me tremble...

I Hired the Best Teacher's on Earth...Money was NO OBJECT ! is better, again, I say, IMHO, with all due respect.

Again, let me say that, with all due respect, those are just my thoughts as I read thru the letter, 1 time. Took notes as I went. In no way am I saying that my thoughts are better, just that they're mine.

I rerad this post after having been reading posts on the board for over 2 hours ! Wonderful, enlightening, educational , FREE material ! Thanks for all your work in trying to educate us. I read this board very, very often and post very, very seldom. We have 2 ears and 1 mouht for a reason... I only tried to help, out of a feeling that I owed you something for educating me for the last 2 hours, along with the other many, many times I've read your posts.

The copy on the letter is fantastic and will sell the he** out of the product !

Keep up the great work,

Most of the points you mentioned are absolutely awesome!

Thank you so much.

A few others may be a bit more style-related, and they're understandable. Style and grammar are always second to comprehension and, of course, response. Copy should be conversational and personal. Plus, that's just my style, but above all it's a style that would "fit" with this type of audience (mostly young guitar players).

For example, "..." before "well" is it's conversational. Also, it's a psychological technique, as it's also to draw the eye in a sentence that continues after the bullets points that precede it (it does pull more).

But most of the points are VERY good. And some points helped me indirectly, without you knowing it. Because the errors I commited were not what you were trying to correct -- but since you were confused proved to me that I should have been more clearer.

For example, what I meant was, "Learn flaming-hot lead guitar techniques not taught anywhere else ....GUARANTEED" (not guaranteed to make jaws drop, but guaranteed unique and not taught elsewhere).

So you're absolutely right -- even though it's not what you meant.

That's why it's so important to get a fresh pair of eyes to look at your copy

Listen, don't ever feel your posts here are unwelcomed. THEY ALWAYS ARE WELCOME. (And that goes for anyone else, here.)

Peter, Alan, Tim, B-Lowe and Erik would all agree with me that this is a helpful community, not a gathering of egos. I said this maybe 3-4 times before, but I will say it again: I learned from a mentor who once told me many years ago...

"My skin will always be thicker than my wallet."

I would be an utter fool if I'd refused to listen to any advice that would make me more money. So by all means, please post your little heart out. That's what we're all here for. To learn! (Certainly, including me.)

Michel,

Thanks for the friendly thank you and I'm glad I could help.

But mostly I want to thank you for all the wonderful advice you dispense in your blog, on this board and on all your sites.

Without people like you, I would not be able to attain my goal of becomming a human money machine !

Live long and prosper,

Mike

Hi Michel,

I read the top and the bottom, so have no idea what goes on in 80% of it.

That said, the offer is good enough by itself - $25 a month seems pretty reasonable to me. (And I know - I tried to teach myself guitar, had more success with keyboard and paid £20 ($40) per fortnight to be taught singing by someone who finally confessed that he wasn't really a singing teacher.)

Jane
PS I take it you don't need my critiques with all the good ones you get here

PS Why do I suddenly have an Eric Clapton solo going round and round my head?

Michel,
Lord knows I'm no copywriting expert, but maybe a little input from a "Internet browser and reader" type-person will help.

I'm hesitant to just flat-out jump in with an opinion, but after all the help I received on my critique request thread makes me want to recipocate.

Fair enough?

O.K., No offense to janeology, (I'm not trying to be "sexist") I think your target audience would mostly be young men. Most of the testimonials were from males.

Young guys who play "air guitar" and secretly fantisize about being the next Stevie Ray Vaughn, or Hendrix, or whoever. And I can guess what is foremost in their fantasies. (I was a teenaged male with raging adolescent hormones once also.)

Girls. Being surrounded by hordes of out-of-control, screaming girls. Being the center of attention, envied by the guys and adored by the girls.

Picture sort of a younger-era Beatles-type frenzy.

I think the sales copy is nothing short of fantastic. It appealed to me logically. When I grow up, I want to be able to write copy like this.

I hope my input will help a little.

Later,
Rick K.

Interesting how life's little convergences work...

I just bought a new (starter, $100 fender) acoustic guitar at a local store (mediaplay) last week Monday... and am interested in learning how to play...

(I've played sax/keys for decades, never guitar though)..

Here's my frame of mind as a musician who wants to learn how to play guitar:

My main frustration is so far, learning how to put your fingers in the right places, on which strings...

So basic, but that's my main concern ... eg how to hold the dang thing correctly (I'm a leftie too, fwiw).

Second concern is, how to make simple riffs, eg 5 to 10 note melodies come out smoothly, flawlessly. I'll be happy if I can artistically play 8-bar melodies, or a 12 bar walking blues line, in 6-8 months. For now, I need to know how to hold the dang thing and get basic melodies out.

My wife watches (way too much) "Friends" and I see Phoebe playing the guitar, my 3rd desire is to be able to pick up the guitar anywhere, in front of friends/family, and play something peaceful, fun, relaxing. In fact that's what got me interested in acoustic guitar, watching Phoebe on friends ... I want something quieter than sax/keyboards to play, eg on the sofa during breaks.. (something that won't scare my 5yr old daughter, plus teach her to play it, and appreciate musicianship).

So those are my hot buttons. As a newbie guitar player, playing world-class riffs and the advanced stuff is not where I'm at. Eric Clapton I'm not going to become.

I just want to make simple sounds, easily and quickly without hours of practice.

(Though I've been a semi pro musician for years, that pitch would work if you're trying to sell me jazz horn/keyboard lessons).

If you're pitching the newbie guitar player market, get the DVD ("Guitar Playing for Dummies"), I've bought it, haven't watched it though.. likely some pitch angles in there, and in the book assuming there is one...

Hope that helps. I'm "ripe for the product" as I just bought my first guitar last week.


ok and now on to the copy...

- subhead don't use the phrase "no time flat", because I know sharps and flats, musically, and that confuses me, throws me off.. use a different metaphor .. as in "In just minutes a day!" etc..

- the chick looks cute, now I'm looking at her legs, not thinking about guitars, get rid of that graphic ... or as an alternate if you want to pitch unconsciously "play guitar and get babes" as a benefit, show a graphic of the prospect, eg guy playing a guitar, with a female looking on appreciatively ...

"Hey, famous rock guitarists get groupies... and now, So Can You!" .. (just kidding there)

- blue j-box header, belt out screaming solos, no no not this early, I just want to play row row row your boat coherently. Add the advanced stuff late in the body copy if at all

- I'm not even thinking about working as a studio guitar player, far too out benefit. Just focus on "easily learn how to pick up the guitar and play gentle songs for your family and friends in just minutes a day" pitch (and also a bullet re "or play your favorite pop music/rock band riffs quickly - your friends will think the radio's playing .. but it's You! - You're the star .. become the star at home in just minutes a day! pitch angle)

- good testie by guitar player who was a pro, BUT

I'd rather hear from "Monica, the 28 year old waitress from Des Moines, who's telling me she went from zero to playing basic tunes in just 3 weeks using your stuff" .. not a pro, rather, "anybody"..

- great copy starting with the Dear Fellow Guitar Player, etc, good story there..

- hey I have never failed at anything miserably (well ok except "turning nightclub hotties into long term relationships", I never did well at that, though had a lotta fun trying lol), now I feel a bit put off .. I'm just new to this. I play monster sax and keys, and will guitar too if I put my mind to it.

- 2 weeks normally takes years.. "yeah right" ok, but you need a testimonial supporting that Real quick to avoid a skeptics response

- nice checkmark list of stuff...

- but I Want to be able to read sheet music and learn sight reading. Now you're telling me I cant?? I want to be able to finally play that Led Zeppelin guitar tabs books I bought ... hmm will this product help me do that? Not if I read that copy right, about no sheet music. I Will be playing sheet music, and want to.. now I wonder if these lessons are advanced enough, or even enough to get me able to read the sheet music I bought, which is why I got the guitar in the first place...

- sample videos, I was expecting a streaming flash video, when I clicked it spawned media player, didn't play..

- great copy starting w/ Our Amazingly Simple...

- great s/h re break out guitar at the next party. In fact That should be your main headline.

- program flexibility/alleviate boredom huh? missed me on that bullet

- good apple-to-orange comparison w/ $50 lessons

- don't be fooled... huh you mean there's others? I didn't know that (really)... so now you have me in a research the competitors I didn't even know about til you told me, mode. skip that, it takes me to google, not the order link..

- free lessons ? There's free lessons out there? Ah ok you educated me in another reason why not to buy the product..

- community w/practice tools, good benefit, I'd highlight that more, and show reason why copy, eg how it will help to have a metronome, guitar tuner, student radio? (that sounds cool) .. and others..

- make bbb graphic smaller


Ok that's my candid critique fwiw .. very good copy elements, I'd make some minor adjustments based on the above.. good timing since I'm a brand new guitar buyer ...


Ken

P.S. Btw this was a priceless opportunity for me to compare my own sites' copy with "where I'm pitching vs where the audience may be at" .. and add more elements that will also hook the complete newbie like I am w/guitar.. applied to other markets I sell to - thanks!

Michel,

Awesome stuff as usual. I'm sure you know about this site,
but in case you don't it is www.ohpguitar.com I assume
it's a Carlton site since he writes all their other sales letters
at www.ohpgolf.com.

I know it's geared at a different level
but I thought it might give you some ideas. Both sites are
full of "amazing" Carlton letters if anybody is interested in
looking at some legendary copy.

Greg
www.kyfundraising.com