Please Trash This Girls Wholesale Clothing List Website!

adcopy99

Hello fellow members of copywritersboard,

I have a page that gets about .75% conversion from qualified traffic and I have been trying to get it over 1%

Discover Wholesale Secrets and save 50% to 90% off retail prices

so I went to Elance a few times and paid anywhere from $300 to $500 and hired copywriters to improve it but it went down instead. Here is the last Elance version

Discover Wholesale Secrets and save 50% to 90% off retail prices

The conversion on this went down from .75% to 0.05% almost 0%

Do you have any ideas what it would take to get it over 1%?

Thanks for the input,

Jennifer

Ken_Calhoun

the top one is better, more impact and better layout.

but you're targeting a wrong market with the wrong pitch.

please explain why I would trust you on something like this, instead of simply going to EBAY and buying a bag there, where I can get paypal safeguards and see your seller reputation etc?

how do I know they're not counterfeit, what you're selling?

you're fighting ebay sellers imho with this approach, and so your entire business model is flawed. you can't sell commodities like this.

use your letter to sell via ebay, is a more appropriate approach.

the salesletter has next to nothing to do with it. you're selling the wrong way to the market, against competitors on ebay, is my take.

I probably just saved you a lot of frustration and wasted time.

ken

skywriteing · 01:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adcopy99

Hello fellow members of copywritersboard,
The conversion on this went down from .75% to 0.05% almost 0%
Do you have any ideas what it would take to get it over 1%?
Thanks for the input,
Jennifer

Yes Jen, I can fix you up in 30 minutes. Take all your bags, descriptions, and prices and put everything in "<head>"

No header, copy or anything. The more pictures visible on the first page "above the fold" the better.

Use descriptive text from your keyword list for handbags and such. Every handbag caption should be "leather" or "Clutch" or whatever keywords are on your list for the bags. Like this:
Amazon.com: Handbags - Accessories: Apparel: Shoulder-Strap, Totes, Hobos, Leather, Evening, Zippered, Clutches & More
But MORE bags and text like this and even less "site-crap".
Just product, wall to wall.
I've seen this alone work very well. (I mean, better than 3%.)
Then work on the other "trust" issues.

Its just not a job for copy up front.

adcopy99

Thanks Skywriteing for the comments. I am not selling actual products but access to a updated daily wholesale list of comanies we get from attending trade shows.

So, would the picture intensity in the first page still remain the same as you are suggesting?

Jen

adcopy99

Thanks Ken for the comments, I have purchased your products in the past and thought they were great.

Jen

webdev

Quote:

Originally Posted by skywriteing

Yes Jen, I can fix you up in 30 minutes. Take all your bags, descriptions, and prices and put everything in "<head>"

ugh huh

Stephen Davies

Many old-style copywriters will tell you that pictures say a thousand words, but I would purposefully create a sales letter that had no intention of including pictures (at least, at first).

Once you get this down, then (and only then) include the picture or "pictures" above the fold.

If you're going to put all your faith in the pictures, then your product(s) will be like everyone else trying to sell this same product.

Want to be really unique?

Learn to tell stories... be different than all the rest... expand your horizons!

I believe that the "real" pictures are the ones that your prospects paint in "their" minds... not ones you give them.

Use this method and expect to get a 2-5% conversion rate on this sales letter.

By the way... don't EVER use the word "BUY" in your headline.

Just my two cents for the evening... hope you don't mind me butting in.