First-time poster (long-time lurker) needs sales copy help. - Page 2

Peter

Please. It's 'Dawg'. Don't you know? It's French, (or something).

First, I didn't read the other posts, much. So, I wasn't commenting against anything I read. I was commenting on the page.

When I deliberate on the proposition, "What will increase my bottom line", ceiling panels, no matter how cool they actually are, do not come to mind.

That means you need to educate me.

Now, I'm assuming that these puppies cost a couple of hundred dollars. Would I want to improve my environment for a couple of hundred dollars? I think, maybe. Could I be pulled into further exploring the idea? I think, maybe.

It's a simpler and clear proposition I can instantly get my, unencumbered except by a few strands, brain around.

Dawg

Rick K:

You're quite welcome! To answer your questions:

Rick wrote:

Quote:

About the opening paragraph;
I had been following Gary Halbert's suggestions to lead off with a story to captivate your audience, or tell them a unique fact, and make the transistion to the product that you're pushing.

So you think the Neon sign story doesn't help? That I should focus on sales copy? I was trying to paint a picture about how astounded people were by the first neon sign, and draw a parallel that my product would get similar results. Any thoughts on this?

Gary Halbert's story opening is just one way to open a sales letter. Generally speaking, I personally prefer to cut right to the chase. Copywriting is a very subjective process. Case and point, you've had several different critiques and just as many differing viewpoints. And as other copywriters weigh in with their critiques, there will be even more differing viewpoints. Does that mean that some of us are wrong and some of us are right? Not necessarily.

It just means that there is no one right way. That's why testing is so important. You have to implement those viewpoints you agree with and let everything else go. Otherwise, you'll drive yourself nuts. If you want to keep your story opening, keep it.

Revolutionary New Product Creates Astonishingly Realistic Mind Illusion That Will Skyrocket Your Sales And Increase Employee Productivity All At The Same Time!

Read On To Discover How You Can Try This Amazing New Product For FREE...Yes, FREE!

Rick, that whole thing is actually a main headline. I just split them up, because that's just how I do things. I would keep everything the same size. But that's pretty much a personal preference. You can size it however you please.

I don't know about all that French stuff, but in hip hop land, it's definitely DOG!!!

Mood Enhancement

I'm just interested in the concept of how these lights enhance mood, and whether this has been verified.

For example, the treatment for SAD is sitting in front of a light that emits 2500 lux, which is between 5 and 10 times stronger than normal home or office lighting. This suggests to me that lighting might have to be pretty strong to have any measurable effect on mood.

I haven't researched any of the studies, but I'm just interested in what effect this product might have and whether it would be any good as a therapeutic tool.

Jane

B-Lowe

Rick,

Lots of great ideas from the posters in this thread, and I don't have any of my own to add. What I want to know is, did you take the photos in your own kitchen? And how do I get me some of those for my house? (Clouds are one of my favorite things.)

Rick K.

Hi all.
Thanks for your input. Right now I'm sidelined with the flu, and can't think straight.
I wanted you all to know that I will be back in a day or so.
Peace.
Rick K.

JP Maroney

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rick K.

Hi all.
Thanks for your input. Right now I'm sidelined with the flu, and can't think straight.
I wanted you all to know that I will be back in a day or so.
Peace.
Rick K.

I got it too... maybe it's a Texas thing

-- hey, were are you anyway? I'm in Tyler. -- JP

Rick K.

Well, I think I'm going to live. My solemn vow: NEXT year I'm getting a flu shot!

I wanted to thank all of you generous people who responded with so much patience, wisdom, and great ideas.

One common theme I loved, "this is just off the top of my head, but..." Dang. I'd love to be able to come up with ideas like that "off the top of my head"

Anyway, I'm doing a revision of the salesletter. I decided that rather than trying to write a generic letter covering broad business and homeowner areas, I would write on a specific area. One variation for Homeowners. One for retail business. One for the medical field. And so on.

Then I'm going to build a main website to route each of them through, with more details such as ease of installation, costs, maintenence, guarantees, ect.

Add a contact form and a hover ad for e-mail address captures for a later newsletter.

Start off in a localized target area, (one that I can service) and offer direct sales to those I can't.

Thanks a million to all of you who responded. When I get rolling, (in about a week or so) I'll post the new url and see what you all think.

(and J.P., I'm in the Conroe, Texas area, about 35 miles north of H-town.)

Thanks again.
Later,
Rick K.