online project management training - Home

It's my first try at a 'copy' style website.... any thoughts would be much appreciated...

1st -> The Idea Of Selling Something In Internet Is NOT About putting up one-page web sites...

In fact, people expect interaction... (audio, video, blogs, newsletters... comments, feedback... etc.)

also... 'quality of images and design'...

2nd -> The Best Thing You Can Do Is Write over 100 articles when launching your site... (or provide your free content some other way).

3rd -> links like Home | About Us | Contact Us | Newsletter | How-To Products... these things must be at The TOP of the page.

-------

Ps! Internet Is NOT What is Used To Be...
and I'm positive they wouldn't believe hype and lies...

like 'my usual clients pay $1000 for just 6 hours of my time!'...

why I'm getting a feeling that's not true?


Tom Ender

Okay, I am not good with copy either, but good god man, you have formating issues -- on just your pop-up alone!

The words in your pop-up should be at an 8th grade level at the most.

Obviously, you are aiming this product for mid to high level managers, so your thinking is probably that these guys are smart, right?

Don't overestimate the stupidity of people...ever...

Grab Michael Fortin's or Ken Calhoun's -- somebody's course on copy!!!

Also, your headline on the pop up is messed up.

Actually, your pop-up's formatting needs to be looked at. It is pretty bad..

I recommend that you read your letter, out loud, so you can see if it flows well, or not.

Popup headline idea:
Keep in mind that I am also new to copywriting, but how about:

My report is jam packed with helpful goodies, such as:

• blank (benefits here)
• blank
• blank
• blank

[Check Box]Yes, Dave, Give Me My Free Report NOW, so I can begin whooping my competition so bad that they run home to momma...


I must say though that I commend your effort. Just by trying, you are ahead of 95% of people in your industry.

That is my critique of your pop-up. Your sales letter needs a lot of work, too, but I am not at the level where I can help you out with that part yet...

Hope it helps...

Thanks Tom - This is for a client of mine and he is a very well-known freelance Project Management Teacher. He is paid well in excess of $1000 per day for running his training courses. I'll take your comments on board and review some of his claims to make it more baseline. Thanks again.

Excellent - thanks for the critique I will get straight on it...

Hi Folks,

I'm Dave Walsh - the site owner that Bullworker asked you to critique.

First off - thanks so much for taking the time and trouble to share your knowledge - and for being honest and straight to the point....

Sometimes when you're so close to the wood you can't see the trees, and your comments as "customers" are INVALUABLE.

I'm already changing the pop-up - and you're right, 8th grade writing is far better. I spend so much time with managers each week, that I started to sound pompous - instead of plain-talking.

As for the Sales Page - I'm a devotee of Maria Veloso, and have studied her book and bought her CD course. Maria studied under Mark Joiner - and their copyrighting style has made them both very rich.

Here's the thing. Maria says your page should NOT look like a sales page - rather like an EDITORIAL. Which is why it reads more like an article, doesn't have contact stuff at the top of the page - and doesn't scream "Buy Me".

Check out her site, and see where I got my attempted Sales Page from:

Copywriting - Web Copywriting University - Internet Copywriting

Don't get me wrong - I'm listening very closely to your feedback - but I felt it would help to know what I am *trying* to emulate!

Yeah - those graphics ain't great are they...

I'm using an old e-book cover generator (Morin's?) - and my graphic skills are low - any more precise feedback would be well received...

I've just joined this forum - and hoping to pick up lots of ideas from you folks.

Oh yes, and I really do earn those sums (but again - your feedback suggests it sounds like I'm bragging/hyping...may need to remove that).

I just submitted an invoice of $29,488 for the last 4 weeks - delivered training for 16 days, and on average I present for 7 hours a day - that comes out to about $1800/day.

Sheesh - I didn't mean to brag - just trying for a bit of credibility..

I now live in Spain (after a nasty brush with cancer), and am looking to make a little money on the web - and stop living out of a suitcase!

Best Regards

Dave