Hello everyone,

My name is Edward Weiss and I would like to get your opinion on the copy at my piano lessons site. Thanks in advance. Piano Lessons by Quiescence Music

Edward

Hi Edward,

Your letter is pretty good, but it lacks drama. It lacks excitement. It lacks the quick movement of Mozart's Sonata 11 in A major.

I am slightly confused as to whom the letter is addressed. Beginners? Intermediate? Experts?

There are a lot of terms ("A flat pentatonic" ) that a novice, starting on his own would never know.

The copy blocks are sometimes too long. They don't have speed. They look like formidable obstacles.

Sometimes, you sound like talking down to the audience ("let me set the record straight....")

Your subheads don't force me to read what follows them ("Here's what you can expect..." ....

The price is brought in too early (the value isn't totally established). And you could break it down more to make it sound more like a bargain...something like "this fee wouln't buy you even 45 minutes of my time...and yet you get all these lessons once you join....lessons you can)

or you could tell them that for less than 10 cents a day, they can achieve their dream of playing the piano, without a teacher, without going to anyone's office, without worrying how fast their practice hour is gone...

Perhaps, you can re-position the offer. Include the bonuses in the package as part of a "system to play the piano online, fast, easy, and cheap"

So now when you bring in the price, it will look like the bargain of the century.

You should also think of a clear guarantee: You'll be able to play your favorite song in one week-end or else I'll refund you your money" or something where the subscriber is promised a definite, believable, achievable performance...

Oh, also, there is a popularity appeal to playing the piano ( I am quoting from John Caples' ad: "As the last note of the Moonlight Sonata died away, the room resounded with a sudden roar of applause....) I would re-read John Caples's "They Laughed When I Sat Down At The Piano, But When I Started To Play)

You didn't mention how they can impress their friends with their new skills. Benefits are why people buy products and services...and you don't dig enough into benefits.

Easy? How easy?

Your guarantee is not clear enough

"You'll be composing" I don't believe this statement. How can I be composing if I can't even play?

Your copy needs more focus...needs to avoid music jargon (for novices)...need to be more musical...needs to go faster...with excitement...

I hope that helps.

One last thing: where are you getting traffic for this page? Have you thought of using Taguchi to test different appeals and different headlines and different price points.

Sincerely,

Hi Swans and thanks for your thorough critique.

I have to agree with you about the guarantee. I should offer a money-back guarantee and that's what I'll probably end up doing. You're also right about strengthing the offer via a new subhead. Appreciate the feedback.

-- Edward

I'm gonna be honest with you...

1st. Graphic is What Needs To Be More Professional...

2nd. Second, I believe that YOU NEED TO HAVE A VOICE... (branding could help... )

3rd. Maybe the copy isn't so bad... (although the begging and end should be more straightforward...)

4th. The 'softness' in your copy... is going to make you look like a guy who's not The Leader or in charge... so you're demonstrating a little bit too much that you have a need (again it's the graphic what was too different from the sales letters I've read... and that is bad... because people stick to the things that are familiar, not different).

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Overall rating...

pros. maybe you're targeting Mexican Americans? if so... I do understand the graphic...

cons. It needs more work...

Tom, you've got to be kidding!

I am not going to lie to you. I learned direct response marketing in a weird order.

I learned about SEO first (as a hobby), the sales funnel second, product creation third, followed by capture pages, and finally copy.

I know that copy is the most important thing to learn (should I have learned it first?), but right now, I completely suck at it (but I will be getting the hang of this thing, and when that happens, world watch out). So, I can not critique your web copy...

However, I noticed a few things about you site that could be helpful:

*ALT tags on your images.

I know that Google, Yahoo, and MSN change their algorithms for web related search all the time (usually, at or around the time for earnings announcements it seems), but this could probably help you out. For all of your images, place an ALT tag description with them with a little blurb that includes the MAJOR keyword you are going for. [my guess, based on looking at the SEO you have done, I am going to say online piano lessons]

example, the header graphic could have the ALT tags of "Online Piano Lessons Header Graphic Based on New Age Art"or something to that effect...

*Your Keywords

I don't know how you went about getting your keywords, but if they work, and are profitable for you, then LET 'EM ride!

Personally, when I have done SEO stuff to websites for my friends, I always start at Free Keyword Suggestion Tool (Wordtracker Suggestion Tool & Overture Bid Tool Combined) & Keyword Generator

I would type in a word, like piano and work from there to see what keywords to use in my Pay-per-click.

Then, the TOP 5 or 6 CONVERTING keywords, I would place in the keyword META tag


*Your Page description

Instead of "piano lessons by quiescence music," I would put "Online Piano Lessons by Quiescence Music," the reason being that all of your article that I have read all have the anchor text "online piano lessons" in them, so to be congruent (and to make Google even happier), add it to your META tags for site description.

Yes, I know it is nit-picky, but what ever Oh-Google master wants, we obey...

*Your e-book sign up
Now, I like new age music a lot. For some strange reason, listening to a Amethysem, or Delerium, or even some Yanni (yes, I said Yanni -- wanna fight!), or damn near anything with a piano in it helps me concentrate when studying, writing, or mind mapping.

I am very interested in learning about how to create this type of music (and my brother is a piano fanatic)

I just did not feel compelled to give you my email address.

Maybe take a look at this part. Or maybe split test different headings to see what converts more people to giving you their email.

While you are at it, PLEASE SIGN UP for an autoreponder service. GETRESPONSE, 1SHOPPINGCART, AWEBER, it does not matter. I, and many people here will agree with this, believe that capturing the person's name IS AS VITAL as collecting their email address.

If yahoo groups cannot help you set up a form to get both, please get a responder, and just import a lot of your group post to a sequence of emails to be sent out as an e-zine.

Also, the AUTORESPONDERS can eventually help you when it comes to marketing your backend products (you do have some back end products, right?)

*Your page rank
You have a page rank of 4/10. This seems due to your articles (you have a lot of them out there), and who ever is linking to you.

The reason I bring this up, is that I have been to web pages with page ranks of 2 or 3, but the owner's are making a MAD killing!

Long story short, conversion is king!


That's all I got, and I hope it is helpful...

Well... there are always 2 things what I do when I come across something what looks like an sales letter...

1. If it doesn't look like rest of the 'successful sites' then I will run as fast as I can from it...

2. If it looks like 'successful site' then I don't want to be sold... eg. I wanna have the freedom to decide for myself!

what I mean by successful site... is that it has to seem as if it would be Worth Millions... the design and sales letter... promotion... interactivity.. support...

Because... for example... Imagine If You're Selling Luxurious Car With this Sales Letter...

what I'm saying here is that the experience itself is emotional! And it really do matter how you position yourself in the marketplace...

I don't wanna say that the sales letter is bad... because it's really not...

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Can you tell me what is the sales letter conversion?

Have You tested different sales letters with different graphics in your marketplace?

Who are these people who come to your site? (first visitors or they are in your email list and know you for a long time...)

What are major questions what your costumers have in mind when they read your sales letter?

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You know... if the sales letter converts sales as it should... then I think let it be... yet when it doesn't convert enough... then change the graphic or overall look... lol

not enough depth or content.. it's just a single page.

Go look at Free Online Piano Lessons

(Jermaine and I shared the stage at one of Corey's last seminars together).

It's a very successful piano playing site, and does everything right.

You can tell he put a lot of work beyond a single thin 1-pager, into his site, which is why it sells so well.

Ken

"Does Everything right" is a pretty tall statement. But for one page it sure does have nooks and cranneys to explore. And if you say it's a winner Ken, then we should certainly study why.

Weird....it looks different each time I go there. Must be running testing.

The owner of the website that Ken is talking about, I believe that he is talking a Yanik's Underground Seminar III this year, so he must be doing something right...