Dear Friends on the Board,

Please read the following...

I have a client (and a personal friend), a local jeweler who's family has been in business since 1850. He's one of the nicest, most honest guys you'd ever meet.

I started out doing sales training for him and his staff, and some business consulting.

That expanded into writing some ads and sales letters...

Two things he recently told me led me to want to help him more than ever.

1) He said he discovered he has over 500 pieces of jewelry that have been in his store for more than 2 years. and,

2) He also just found out he's got to pay his landlord $20,000 by the 15th of December in unexpected "rent and maintenance" issues. I don't want to get into the whole story about that, but I can tell you -- from reading the letters from the landlords, and the replies from his attorney to them... it appears he's getting screwed.

I want to help him -- and I don't want to waste any of his time or money.

I read a headline in one of Gary Halbert's Newsletters that caught my attention, and prompted me to write the following headline:


Local Jeweler Swears under Oath that the
503 Pieces of Fine Jewelry He’s Selling at
Wholesale Prices have not been Stolen

I'd like to help him write and run a full-page newspaper ad here in Tyler with the above or a better headline. I then planned to list all or some of the 503 items in the ad in numbered list format with how much each would normally retail for, and how much they can get it for.

Here's the details on the newspaper:

From the paper:
Can you share any advice that might HELP GUARANTEE THAT THIS AD WILL WORK?

I just don't want to screw this one up! His business is depending on it.

Help if you can...
JP

Hi JP,

Does he have a customer list? If so, I'd mail to that list first (and follow-up too). That's higher priority than the newspaper ad, because it's much more likely to work.

And of course, explain the "reason why".

Best,
Jerry Yeo

Hi JP,

I agree with Yeo and focus first on the customer list. This way you can even focus on another angle to sell the jewelry, some kind of cusotmer appreciation or favored status sale or whatever you want to call it. Can have special hours just for these customers, etc.

However, I think the strength of your sales copy will be the eviction angle. Play it up for all it's worth. The truth has a tendency to sell. When it comes down to it, any jeweler can swear under oath their jewelry isn't stolen (well, I would hope, anyway But not too many can say they're about to get evicted if they don't pay the rent. That's your unique selling proposition in my eyes.

JP:

Jerry brings up a good point, regarding the store's customer list. Also, the jewelry store's possible eviction plight sounds like a perfect candidate for a ton of FREE publicity. Have the owner contact the local television stations and newspapers and tell them his story. If the media thinks his story is interesting enough, they'll come out and interview the owner and voila...just like that--free publicity!

You might not realize it, but this occurs much more often than you realize. Why? Because the media loves doing those kinds of human interest stories. It makes them appear more sensitive and caring about what's happening in their community, which leads to more viewers and readers--and of course more advertising revenue.

By the way, if all else fails and you do have to pay for advertising, here's a suggestion for a headline:

"You Can Help Save A Treasured, 154-Year Old Local Landmark...Plus, Get Some Incredibly Valuable Jewelry At Guaranteed Wholesale Prices!"

This headline would be perfect for the newspaper and on a postcard. However, before spending money on advertising, you should try mailing out postcards to the store's mailing list first.

I also agree with James:

You should definitely play up the eviction angle for all it's worth. Start tugging on people's heart strings. It works!

JP,

I don't have much time unfortunately... but a couple of quick thoughts...

First, I think you have received some good solid advice so far.

I think Dean is on the right track, and if you can get the free publicity - these guys are set!

If you need to do the newspaper ad, I would make a good part of it look like a hot article.

I think your headline isn't bad, and would be good for a modern, normal shop, but the angle of the historic building is just too unique to let slip by here...

Again, I think Dean is on the right track, but what could we add to make it even grabbier?

Dean wrote:

"Help Save Local (name of city), Historic Family-Run Landmark Jewelry Shop (name of shop) Since 1850... 154 Years Of Fine Jewelry Tradition Risks Closing Their Doors Forever..."

or inverted...

"154 Years Of Fine Jewelry Tradition Risks Closing Their Doors Forever...

Help Save Local (name of city), Historic Landmark Jewelry Shop (name of shop) Family-Run Since 1850"

Or, you can hit them with the deal first...

"Over 500 pieces Of Fine Jewelry Dropped To Wholesale Bargain Prices For x Days Only... In Desperate Attempt To Save Historic (name of shop), A Family Run Business Since 1850, From Closing Forever"

Now the question is - what order to put all this in? And what form?

I tend to prefer the last headline option... it's faster to the point.

I didn't take the time to edit these properly - they need some work, and I'm not saying they are better than Dean's suggestion... I banged them out as thought stimulators.

Then you could consider making it a kind of investigative article, or an interview kind of article that tells the story. Then leave some space for examples of the offers.

Obviously the phone number, a map how to find them, etc.

Maybe my post will trigger yet another even better idea from someone here.

I really hope this helps you and your friend.

Tim

Tim:

Like yours, the headline I suggested to JP was quickly written off the top of my head, in just a few minutes. It's not intended to be the "be all and end all." It's designed to be a simple teaser headline, but it works on many fronts:

That headline is relatively short, sweet and to the point. I could have easily made the headline a lot wordier, more informative and added more hype. But because of the seriousness of the eviction angle, I decided to tone down the hype and "tease" the reader with just enough information to make them read the copy.

Secondly, I intentionally used a pyschological play on words. The word "Treasured" is a direct correlation to the word "Jewelry." Because of the buried treasure stories we heard growing up as kids, many people associate treasure with jewelry.

Tim, contrary to what you posted, my headline also takes into account the historical aspect of the business. Just the fact, it's mentioned in the headline that the business is 154-years old has an automatic historical connotation. However, using the words "Treasured" and "Landmark" also helps reinforce that connotation.

I do agree with you that if unable to get the free publicity, the ad should be written up in an article style. However, I disagree with your headline where you put the offer first:

By putting the offer first, it looks blatantly like an ad, which is exactly what we're trying to avoid. Plus, it detracts from the eviction angle, which is the "hook."

As we all know, there are many different ways to approach these types of things. There is no one "best" way. This just happens to be my approach. I respect, expect and welcome different approaches.

In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think it wouldn't be a bad idea to drop the reference to the jewelry in the headline altogether and go with something along these lines:

"154-Year Old Local Landmark Faces Imminent Eviction"

That's more like a headline you'd see in a newspaper, thus bound to have more impact!

This is all quite amazing... THANKS!

Seems so far to hit the "news angle best."

Question: What about this...

"154-Year-Old Local Landmark Faces Imminent Eviction -
Calls on Community to Help Keep Its Doors Open!"

Adds an "appeal to their emotions." -- right? wrong?

If ya'll (that's Texas talk BTW) don't mind, I'd like to back up for just a second and go down a road that's been suggested.

A combination of:

1) Attempting to leverage the free publicity, and
2) Direct mailing to his house list (which contains approx 2000 names)

on the mailing...

Do we use the same "help us keep from getting evicted", or just "tell the story" in a compelling, friendly manner? Then following that with "An irresistible offer"?

I want to avoid hyping his customers ~ just a strong appeal to their emotions and a strong offer to GET THEM INTO THE STORE TO BUY!

Who knows? I may be a lost duck, here!

Desperate Jeweler Must Find $20k In Four Weeks To Pay Huge Unexpected Bill. ALL Jewelry Has Been Slashed To Less Than Wholesale Price.

Its true. Just 9 days ago Jon smith the Jeweler was slapped with a huge unexpected bill. He has 4 weeks to pay it. Desperate times call for desperate measures. John is selling over 500 pieces of the finest jewels at less than the price he paid himself. All have their own genuine invoices for proof of etc

Just mt 2-seconds worth

JP:

I think what you added to the headline is right on target. It definitely keeps in line with the news theme and is devoid of hype. I also think the mailings should be written with the exact same theme, as not to muddy the waters and confuse people--and for the sake of uniformity. I think if we keep the hype out of it, you'll have a better chance of getting free publicity.

JP:

Here are a couple more headline ideas:

"Facing Imminent Eviction, 154-Year-Old Local Landmark Calls on Community to Help Keep Its Doors Open"

"Facing Imminent Eviction, 154-Year Old Local Landmark Sends Out Emergency SOS To Community"

I really like the last one best of all. However, it doesn't matter what I like, this is your show, my friend!