Originally Posted by Laughdrjr

Hey Ken,

You're in a crowded field, my friend.

I found it hard to follow what you are trying to sell me. And if I'm having to figure that out...well...it's hard for me to believe that you can help me with MY MARKETING. Make sense?

You wrote about story-telling, yet you don't tell any story in your copy. Your story should interest me and establish your credibility - at the least.

And, another thing, the principles behind direct mail/salesletters/sales copy, that you say aren't working anymore, have been working for decades. And will always work. I wouldn't negate your message of "stealth marketing" by trying to convince me that these age-old, timeless techniques aren't working. Instead, for what it's worth, I'd try to convince me that your approach is adjunctive to these "old" techniques.

For example, on my site, I had a sentence or two about how "the medical community doesn't want you to know about the natural medicine of humor, because they'd lose money not treating you anymore." That's all well and good, but my little "conspiracy theory" digs detracted from the main point of the site - which is that humor really is a great natural medicine and you really can learn to accelerate your health, vitality, and success with it - for free! My point here is that you don't need any Trojan Horses (like telling me something "doesn't work anymore").

Anyway, that's my two cents. I'm not even going to get into the semantics of the letter, because I think you have thematic elements to sort out first.