My friend and Copy Doctor member Alice Seba runs several online businesses geared specifically for Internet Home-Based Business Moms. She's truly cornered an expertise in that area and knows it darn well. (Heck, she fascinates me by what she's accomplished online.)

She doesn't know I'm doing this... well, she likely will now. But I told her to get opinions on her copy -- and I feel board members are perfect to review this -- on a new project she's working on.

You see, she's currently working on a great new project that's a little different ... Why? Because it's geared towards "other" people trying to capture this untapped market in which she's very knowledgeable about:

... Mothers working at home, running a business online, while raising a family.

Her aim is to target mostly men -- and some women (non-mothers) -- who fail to understand and target this market properly.

It's a work in progress. A very rough draft. I feel there are members on this board who might be quite perceptive, especially in this field.

Here it is...
http://www.marketingtomomsinbusiness.com/moms.html

What say you?

I must add (some people asked) -- I didn't write the copy. She did. But the copy is not too shabby, although it can be greatly improved. Mind you, it's only a "first" rough draft she wrote in the matter of minutes.

Thanks for your kind words, Michel. I'm blushing just to have received a "not too shabby" from the The Copy Doctor.

I've been quietly reading your board for a while and know there are many tremendously brilliant writers here, so I sincerely appreciate any and all feedback.

I think this is an important project because...as has already been mentioned in another thread...ignoring women (in this case, mothers) is a serious mistake that a lot marketers do. Of course, my expertise lies in Internet marketing and I have come across very few companies that see the potential of the mom market.

One exception to this rule is Cory Rudl's Internet Marketing Center - where they have been including stay at home mothers in their case studies for quite some time and they understand the importance of the mom market. When one of Cory's partners found my site last week, he knew immediately that he needed to tap into my audience. I know have a huge (I mean REALLY huge) box of their materials to review and am being wined and dined next week (okay, maybe just dined -- it's a lunch meeting) to ensure that I spread the word about their stuff.

I think my copy really could use help in illustrating WHY the market is important. Statistics are pretty much impossible to find, although my VA is hunting high and low for me. I need some way to convey it's importance.

Thanks to you all. I look forward to feedback.

Alice

Hi Alice,

the thing that you seem most concerned about, in your post, is exactly the thing that I think you have least to worry about. I can't see what the problem is, regarding "illustrating why the market is important". You certainly impressed it upon me. If statistics aren't available, so be it - you'll have to stand on your own experience and reputation. And your sincerity and authority are clearly evident in your draft copy.

I'd say the heart of your message is there, present and correct.

(And your pitch presses a couple of my buttons, too. )

David

Hi David,

I had a quick look at the home page of your website. And I'm glad to see an ethical business person genuinely trying to help people, who doesn't over inflate their copy. The whole organic thing is very close to my heart. One day, I hope to offer my services exclusively to green/organic businesses.

Glad to make your acquaintance aboard planet copywriting

Jane

Oh well whaddya know - you're also from the UK!!

Thinkin' of makin the move to Dorset. Becoming a bit of an environmentalist (emphasis on "mentalist!"). Looking forward to getting to know you better.

Jane

Hello David and thanks for your kind words. I'm glad that the message is being conveyed. I guess I'll work on my spit shining and polishing.

Hey Jane...I understand that you were the one getting the discussion going on not ignoring women in your sales messages (and Michel speaks very highly of you!). I'd love to hear your thoughts on my project, if you had a spare moment.

Alice

Hi Jane,

and thanks for the warm welcome. I've PM-ed you, rather than hijack Alice's thread with a UK-fest.

David

Hi Alice,

Sorry it's taken a while to respond.

Here are some thoughts.

What are the current attitudes of marketers to Stay At Home Mums?
- not interested
- unaware?

As a childless female who ISN'T marketing to this group, my thoughts would be:
I want proof of how many of them there really are
I want proof that they're actually looking for what I sell before I create a website and campaign specifically for them
I want proof that they have the dough to pay for what I sell
I want proof that they do succeed and that it's worth my while targeting them (they can't all be on a budget ALL of the time - if they are, then surely that means that they're not making any money doing what they're doing)
I want proof that I can easily find them and communicate with them if I'm to create a whole new website and offer for them - there has to be ROI

At first, it wasn't entirely clear to me what you were offering. The stuff with Michel was suddenly introduced out of nowhere and I didn't really understand what that was all about. It wasn't entirely clear to me what your offer was, until much later in the piece.

In short, I would really want to know why this market would be viable or worthwhile for me to target. The fact that there is a lot of them doesn't necessarily help - the question is whether or not they are easy to sell to and whether they are likely to buy my products. Whenever anyone goes into a new market they need to know that the resources that they devote to that market are going to yield a return greater than the effort that they put in. The fact that you go to great pains to point out how thrifty this market is, doesn't really help someone like me see why I should devote resource to going after it, if there are easier and more fertile markets in which I can operate. Mere numbers is not enough - where are the profits?

For me, and only for me, I would need a much stronger case as to why I should divert resources to a market that doesn't seem that eager to buy. For me, your argument rests on the fact that this market exists and is being ignored, which is a valid point, and therefore creates a potentially good opportunity to get in and get entrenched within it. However, the fact that a market exists does not necessarily make that market a good market to target. My particular target market is small businesses, and a subset of that - consultants and coaches. I could argue that there are more than 1 million small businesses in the UK and that I could target each subset with a different offer. However, most of those small businesses are never really going to assimilate or understand what I offer, and no amount of persuasion on my part is going to change that, or not enough to make it viable. Therefore, I am better off to pick the markets who will "get" what I do and the value of that to their businesses, rather than waste my time and money trying to convert the unconvertable.

So, for me, I think you have to build a much stronger case as to why this market is worth pursuing and therefore why it's worth my time and money to find out how I can tap into it. For all I know, this market could be very good for me in terms of my marketing mentoring service (because I can deliver that to any country) - but so far I am totally unconvinced. For me personally, I don't want cheap-skate clients - they are the worst.

Bottom line - the argument for even considering this market has to be strengthened. Then you must prove (a) why it's a good investment and (b) what your service adds to the mix that will genuinely help those that are persuaded by (a).

Hope this helps,
Jane

Thanks Jane...it is a bit late, but only for this round. So, I appreciate ALL your input, regardless of time. I will be able to offer this product in the future again.

I think part of the problem is that there aren't any real stats and that was a challenge of putting the letter together. So, I definitely struggled with showing the IMPORTANCE of that market. I think when we're done the course, the proof will come in the form of testimonials from people who take the course and I'll continue to have my assistant hunt for those seemingly "elusive" statistics. You have really hit the nail on the head and I knew it would be a challenge.

And really, the course's focus would be on taking products -- like a one-time purchase or smaller scale services. I doubt I would suggest to anyone that they should base a high-end consulting practice around a mom-market, unless they had other markets in their plan. So, I imagine, you aren't my target student. But that doesn't matter because your points are very valid.

Also, do you feel like you have to create a whole website for them after you read the letter? I'm guessing you do. I'm just talking about modifying what you have already and hosting it on another page at the most. We're talking about an hour or two time investment and possibly a few bucks for a domain and hosting. I suppose I need to make the clearer? Or do those few extra hours seems like too much work?

Great things to think about, thank you.

Alice