I was called an expert, it made me smile.

I would enjoy a critique of this article if possible. The idea of smart educated people beating on my work is always very much appreciated.

Here is a sample:

"A tsunami of traffic will pick up all sorts of things. When you are able to squeeze out a signal from all the chaos of coming and going of this autopilot traffic is when the connection takes place that allows commerce to happen."

The rest is at the link in the signature.

Thanks,

Chris Titan

Chris,
As far as seeking advice, you came to the right place. I feel I earned enough semester hours for a degree in copywriting just by perusing through this site. With that, other than my introduction, this is my first post, but I do have some first impressions I'd like to share.


"A tsunami of traffic will pick up all sorts of things."
An interesting analogy. However, you may be taking more chances than you should by using a term like tsunami too lightly based on the latest attention given to this disaster. Also, a potential for a future tragedy based on this event could really put off potential clients.

On your actual article you have:
"Think about it. Neighbors generally don't like it when there is a lot of traffic, especially like crack-house traffic coming and going at all hours. Distasteful"

I physically cringed after reading this, and it set an uncomfortable tone for me while reading the rest of the article.


"When you are able to squeeze out a signal from all the chaos of coming and going of this autopilot traffic is when the connection takes place that allows commerce to happen."

I think the concept you are trying go market is the capability to filter out customers using a tool called a squeezebox-correct? An approach I can suggest for us thirty somethings and older who like songs by a band called "The Who" you could use a line like: "Don't stay up all night, use this squeezebox to find the right customers"
But seriously, you will find much better suggestions here by those who have been around the block longer than I have. I just hope sharing my first impression has helped. Good Luck!

Hi Chris,

On first look, your first paragraph is too big! People skip and scan for the most part. Break your paragraphs down. No more than 5 sentences each.

Chris:

Congratulations on your first article.

Main advice (haven't had a chance to read the whole thing) is to cut the "You Need To" from your headline... It's more effective keywordwise to begin "Build Your Squeeze Box..." The first 3 words of your current headline are wasted.

I agree w/ Rachel about the paragraph length.

Take a look at my first article (pub'd 1/5) as an example of short paragraphs: Call to Action: The Most Vital Piece of Any Business Web Site

Good luck.