Hello -

I've created my sales copy for my new eBook and I was hoping I could get some feedback about what's good/bad about it.

http://www.successin30.com/psc/

One note: I know this page needs some more testimonials - I'm just waiting on them to come in.

/Dave

Hi David!

Although I'm actually a newbie, I'll let you know how I react after reading
your letter:

1. Your headline didn't state what the problem is and how you'll solve it in
one swoop. Here's some samples at the top of my head:

"New Discovered Technique (or Personal Development Program) Lets You
Achieve Any Goals You Set To Make You Succeed In Over 30 Days Or
Less!"

"How To Date More Beautiful People (Men if you're targetting women,
Women if you're targetting men, etc.), Quit Your Job And Earn Over
$2000 A Month, Or Finally Eliminate Your Self-Depression In Over 30
Days Or Less!"

"30+ Year Old Maryland Guy Developed A New Revolutionary Self-
Development Program That'll Help You Look, Feel, And Be Happy In Over
30 Days!"

And using a Michel Fortin tip:
"Who Else Wants to Finally Achieve Happiness By Landing That Dream Job
You've Been Eyeing, Getting Your Dream Date To Say 'Yes!', Or
Overcoming Your Fear Of Heights In Over 30 Days Or Less?"

The copywriting masters will tell you that inputting a number in your
headline will definitely increase your chances, plus it "prequalifies" your
reader almost immediately.

Those are just samples. Based on what I read, you could try to come up
with over 10-20.

2. Not enough benefits. List them as many but as specific as you can.

3. Maybe you could position the printable worksheets you mentioned
somewhere in the center as your bonuses. Start with something
like "You'll get the following bonuses aside from getting your copy of so
and such:

Bonus No. 1: Worksheet (place on center)

Put a price tag on the bonus if you can, then say you'll include it for free.

4. Try to limit each paragraph to 2 sentences for better read. You might
be surprised.

5. Under Picture It Now, is it a question or a statement? Make it either one
or the other.

6. Put more testimonials.

7. You may have to literally say in your closing like "Just click on the Buy
Now" button below, and you'll be redirected to our secure server where
you'll order your copy of the so-and-such ebook...". That might give your
reader the impression you're literally there holding that person by the
hand and doing so.

Bottom line: the more specific each paragraph reads and builds up to the
next one and what you really want to give, the more the reader will
understand what you're offering and buy your ebook.

That's all I can offer for now. The more experienced ones here will better
advise you on what's needed.

Hope this helps.

Thanks! That's a boatload of good advice.

I'll definitely be doing heavy work on this copy. I've got some good testimonials coming in this week to beef it up, too.

/Dave

1) You haven't really outlined the problem or made me REALLY feel it
2) The promises are vague an unconvincing

Sorry, but you just haven't built up any case yet as to why I should listen to a single word that you say.

I just don't think you're working with obvious psychology here. "Mind blowing book"? What kind of nonsense is that?

I could go on - and take the whole thing apart. But I won't. Really, is what you're offering in the mind of the buyer? Or, are they thinking about their problems? When you contemplate the buyer decision making process (and if you don't, then you probably shouldn't be in marketing), are these the criteria that they will use to make a decision and buy your book?

I would contend that you can't write good copy until you can get into the hearts and minds of your buyers. At the very least you need to understand their buying process, and the criteria upon which they make decisions.

I've bought lots of personal development products, so I know this market fairly well. I don't think this approach will work as well as a problem oriented approach.

My broad suggestion is to stop hyping inadequate material. Get to the point - what are your market concerned about, and how does your product alleviate that concern or solve their problem?

HTH,
Jane