I'd appreciate a critique on my copy at Inspired Attraction

Thanks

Colin

P.S. I know the first P.S. is missing.

Needs a much better headline.

Something like...

"The Amazing Secret Of A Texas Cowboy Who Went From A Cheap Beer, Bar Lounging Loser To A Business Giant In 3 Years"

13 Ordinary Joes Like You Who've Made It Big Reveal The Secret Laws Of Attraction You Can Start Using Just Minutes From Now etc


The testimonials look like they've been tacked in.

You should put some padding 10-20 pixels around the content so it's not right against the border of the page.

How to split test 4 copy changes to your web site 100% guaranteed to increase your sales
Kindest regards,
Andrew Cavanagh

Hello Joss.

I just finished scanning your sales letter. Here's what I suggest. Your headline is WAY too long! Forget what you've heard copywriting gurus say. Most people won't read that long a headline...even if it's in their best interests. Here's how I would structure your sales letter:

Headline:

Use the Power of Attraction to Create Wealth!

Subhead:

Thirteen "Law Of Attraction" Experts Show You How They Went From Poverty To Prosperity By Using These "Proven" Step-By-Step Secrets!

Hope this helps.

-- Rachel